00:00:02.180 --> 00:00:07.389

Molly Claire: All right coaches. I am so excited about today's guest.

 

00:00:07.610 --> 00:00:31.300

Molly Claire: Today we are talking about sexuality and intimacy. And I think well, 1st of all this is such a relevant topic for all of us, just as human beings. It's certainly relevant for us as women where especially, I think today's conversation is most likely much different than anything any of you have heard before with regard to sexuality and intimacy.

 

00:00:31.340 --> 00:00:43.349

Molly Claire: and certainly this is relevant as well for us as coaches, because this is a big, important part of our clients. So such an important topic. And I'm so happy to have the amazing

 

00:00:43.410 --> 00:00:47.869

Molly Claire: Kirsten here with us today. Hello, Kirsten, welcome.

 

00:00:47.870 --> 00:00:52.910

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Molly. Thank you. I'm so pleased to be here. What an honor.

 

00:00:52.910 --> 00:01:13.230

Molly Claire: So Kirsten and I connected. I actually went to a retreat that Kirsten held. That was amazing, and has, you know, continues to have an impact for me, and this conversation has come about from that connection. But before we, before I tell about that, tell us a little bit more about

 

00:01:13.440 --> 00:01:16.009

Molly Claire: who you are and what you do.

 

00:01:17.030 --> 00:01:40.269

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Thank you. I'm a master coach and a transformational facilitator. So I do. I work with primarily women, but also the men who love them and work with them. And I work one on one with women, and I also hold a series of retreats, both domestic and international. And I do trainings

 

00:01:40.980 --> 00:01:59.530

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: And really, what I I think the best way to put what I do is I help guide women home to their embodied wisdom, and in doing so, help them really bring forth the spiritual gifts which is innate to every single human. But we've

 

00:02:00.100 --> 00:02:09.159

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: through a series and a layering of conditioning. We really learned to sever ourselves both from nature and our own spiritual nature.

 

00:02:09.602 --> 00:02:10.929

Molly Claire: I love it.

 

00:02:11.110 --> 00:02:21.820

Molly Claire: And you know, spirituality is, it's not something, I talk a lot about on my podcast necessarily like explicitly, right, but but it's it's there.

 

00:02:21.960 --> 00:02:41.599

Molly Claire: It's like woven throughout. And I and so, anyway. But I what I love about this. So I was at Kirsten's Retreat, which was fantastic. By the way, it was such a great experience, and came for me at the exact, perfect timing. And while we were there at that retreat.

 

00:02:41.800 --> 00:02:46.560

Molly Claire: Kirsten had made a couple of comments about

 

00:02:46.700 --> 00:02:58.860

Molly Claire: our sexuality, and specifically as women and the spiritual nature of it, and I don't remember exactly what you said, but what I do remember is, I remember

 

00:02:59.250 --> 00:03:03.660

Molly Claire: thinking that the things you said really resonated

 

00:03:03.830 --> 00:03:09.290

Molly Claire: with me there, I I felt like yes, like I can tell. This woman has

 

00:03:09.510 --> 00:03:21.171

Molly Claire: a wisdom here, and and a depth of knowledge, and I know I want more of it. Right? And so I said, Kirsten, when are you doing a sex retreat?

 

00:03:22.120 --> 00:03:35.060

Molly Claire: And it's like, well, as a matter of fact, it's on on the. It's been on the radar for a while. So that's kind of how all this came about. Was, you know me just seeing that and experiencing that with you. And here we are.

 

00:03:36.890 --> 00:03:37.947

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Here we are.

 

00:03:38.300 --> 00:03:39.030

Molly Claire: So.

 

00:03:39.030 --> 00:03:41.669

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Fantastic. Yeah, that was such a great conversation.

 

00:03:42.080 --> 00:03:49.219

Molly Claire: Yes, and and so Kirsten is, and she can tell you more about it, because she is, in fact, doing a sex retreat. That is

 

00:03:49.380 --> 00:04:03.120

Molly Claire: I I mean, it's gonna be fantastic. I've been, you know, been so privileged to be on the back end understanding a little bit more about the experience, so she'll be telling you all about that. But let's talk more about your

 

00:04:03.430 --> 00:04:10.410

Molly Claire: what do you believe is in what do you believe at least is part of what is really missing for us.

 

00:04:10.410 --> 00:04:10.970

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Yes.

 

00:04:10.970 --> 00:04:17.390

Molly Claire: Women in terms of our understanding of, or connection with, our sexuality.

 

00:04:17.579 --> 00:04:19.091

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Yeah, yeah, thank you.

 

00:04:19.639 --> 00:04:25.839

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: It's a great question. And it's a huge question. 5 podcast episodes.

 

00:04:25.840 --> 00:04:30.400

Molly Claire: So that's why I was like in part like at least we'll we'll love this.

 

00:04:30.810 --> 00:04:39.359

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: You know, I think that I think the most economical way to respond to that really important question is to say that

 

00:04:40.180 --> 00:04:50.550

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: I think what is missing 2 2 pieces, and they're they're related, I think what is missing is a

 

00:04:52.130 --> 00:05:02.370

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: an ex, an experience, a deeply embodied way of living so, and and in addition to that.

 

00:05:02.500 --> 00:05:16.889

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: a a true experience, not just an an intellectual or a conceptual understanding of sexuality as inherently spiritual. And I'll say what I mean by that in a minute.

 

00:05:18.010 --> 00:05:21.190

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: But and how the 2 work together. Right? So

 

00:05:22.960 --> 00:05:39.689

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: the body is the original temple, earth, earth. Nature is the original temple, the 1st temple, the mother, father, God, that which from which we are born and upon which we depend. But look at how modern culture for the past 2,000 years

 

00:05:39.800 --> 00:05:45.260

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: has, and and more really has, increasingly severed us

 

00:05:45.530 --> 00:05:50.100

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: from the natural world. And, you know.

 

00:05:50.210 --> 00:05:53.609

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: packaging on our food, you know.

 

00:05:54.470 --> 00:06:04.942

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Rather than cow. You know pork rather than pig, and I eat meat. This is not a condemnation of that but the way we are so

 

00:06:05.550 --> 00:06:07.610

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: protected from.

 

00:06:08.230 --> 00:06:11.280

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Nature in a way that that

 

00:06:12.082 --> 00:06:27.250

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: disembodies the natural world like, renders it like kind of one dimensional kind of sterilizes it, which is necessary for the

 

00:06:28.330 --> 00:06:55.000

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: the resourcing right so to take from something is a lot easier when we we have reduced it and reduced its life force. Right? So it so. And and we've done this with the body, particularly the female body, that has such deep affinity with, and is an extension of the earth body, right, these 2 sources of generative life force potential.

 

00:06:55.000 --> 00:07:10.119

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: And so when we, when we disavow nature and our relationship, not only our relationship to it, but our our inextricable being. With it. We also disavow the body, and we see this

 

00:07:10.210 --> 00:07:15.649

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: manifest in the way the female body is both

 

00:07:16.060 --> 00:07:24.870

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: fetishized as sexual object. Think of the pornography and the way women are portrayed in pornography through the male gaze, right

 

00:07:25.000 --> 00:07:38.209

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: and the way women are shamed simultaneously for their own sexuality, either wanting it or not wanting it. Right. There's a tiny comfort we get to walk.

 

00:07:38.210 --> 00:07:40.174

Molly Claire: Very tiny window.

 

00:07:40.830 --> 00:07:51.789

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Together. That's a long answer. But together those 2 pieces, the disavowal of the embodied nature of being, and how we're not taught to live and trust our embodied. Knowing our intuition, our.

 

00:07:51.790 --> 00:07:52.330

Molly Claire: Yes.

 

00:07:52.330 --> 00:08:03.429

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Wisdom, and how that is essential to the reclaiming of our sexual energy, as in as in fact, nourishing good, potent, and life force.

 

00:08:04.490 --> 00:08:06.804

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Oh, I think that's what's missing.

 

00:08:07.190 --> 00:08:11.109

Molly Claire: Yeah, I mean, and I have so many questions to ask you.

 

00:08:11.480 --> 00:08:21.930

Molly Claire: But one thing that you said that I something came to my mind, and I want to ask your opinion about this. But when you, when you were talking about

 

00:08:22.300 --> 00:08:28.080

Molly Claire: sort of, you know, being taught not necessarily to to

 

00:08:28.460 --> 00:08:32.039

Molly Claire: trust the body to trust that intuition to trust that, knowing

 

00:08:32.140 --> 00:08:37.609

Molly Claire: I would take it a step further and say that we're almost taught to fear that.

 

00:08:37.610 --> 00:08:38.480

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Absolutely.

 

00:08:38.480 --> 00:08:41.099

Molly Claire: Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

 

00:08:41.100 --> 00:09:08.490

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: We're absolutely, and we could go on a whole tangent talking about the the way women's embodied, knowing whether expressed through expressed as the community healer, the community midwife. You know, these were the roles occupied by women up until quite recently in our communities, and by recently I'm talking about a couple 1,000 years ago.

 

00:09:08.490 --> 00:09:15.720

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: but women were traditionally the healers, the medicine keepers in our communities worldwide, and

 

00:09:16.070 --> 00:09:44.970

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: this, knowing this direct, knowing right, the body gnosis was considered a terrible threat to the State and the early inception of the Church that wanted and needed to control the body and to control control. You know the conduit to God's source. And so midwives were the 1st midwives and healers were the 1st to be literally demonized, and that we have the burning times, and 9 million 9 million women.

 

00:09:45.670 --> 00:10:02.689

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: At the stake, or hung 9 million in a course of 400 years. So yes, and and epigenetically today, that's only like 6 generations later. Right? Epigenically, epigenetically, today, we still fear right? We have that our bodies.

 

00:10:02.690 --> 00:10:03.800

Molly Claire: Yes, yes.

 

00:10:04.284 --> 00:10:08.130

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Too. It's it's still taught, you know. We're still stuck to fear that, knowing.

 

00:10:08.130 --> 00:10:15.940

Molly Claire: Yes, yeah, I mean. And and this isn't. This is a little bit of a tangent. But I I also feel like that. We can.

 

00:10:16.420 --> 00:10:37.540

Molly Claire: This knowing this is because this is an essential thing that is woven all throughout my master coach training, right? So like at a surface level, I mean not really surface level, but a surface level. That program is about right. I talk about cognition and emotions and the nervous system and actions. And we talk about niche work, but the best part about it, the most important part about it

 

00:10:37.580 --> 00:10:49.100

Molly Claire: is is what we're talking about, right where these women during this year. They learn to know themselves, to trust themselves and to build that. And I just believe

 

00:10:49.180 --> 00:10:50.960

Molly Claire: like absolutely.

 

00:10:51.520 --> 00:11:06.240

Molly Claire: And there are many ways we can seek this right and build this up. But I believe absolutely, for all of you as coaches. One of the most important things you can do to ensure. You know your

 

00:11:07.070 --> 00:11:18.580

Molly Claire: success, your growth, your expansion in your business is to focus on knowing yourself and building that trust inside of you. It's everything right.

 

00:11:18.580 --> 00:11:21.610

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Absolutely. Oh, it's critical, it's the best.

 

00:11:21.790 --> 00:11:24.279

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: And and so oh, sorry to interrupt.

 

00:11:24.280 --> 00:11:27.420

Molly Claire: No, no, keep going. I was just gonna tighten intimacy. But go ahead. Keep going.

 

00:11:27.420 --> 00:11:28.530

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Like Gordon.

 

00:11:29.020 --> 00:11:47.806

Molly Claire: Yeah, I mean, so I just think that. And especially, it's like, it's interesting how there are these little pockets of opportunities for us to build that self trust right? And so I think about the work that that you have part of the work that you've done and what you're doing with the sex retreat in this. Is that?

 

00:11:48.500 --> 00:11:55.959

Molly Claire: that! What an opportunity for us to build self-trust in a space that we have been taught to fear.

 

00:11:56.360 --> 00:11:56.940

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Absolutely.

 

00:11:56.940 --> 00:12:06.990

Molly Claire: Be in a space that we have been taught to push away from, and that we just have so many mixed messages about like what an opportunity.

 

00:12:07.140 --> 00:12:08.310

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: To.

 

00:12:09.160 --> 00:12:12.900

Molly Claire: To self, connect and build self-trust in that space.

 

00:12:14.080 --> 00:12:25.109

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Absolutely yeah and and I love your emphasis on. And you're really bringing us into the like, the locus of self trust, because that's what it's that's all about.

 

00:12:25.110 --> 00:12:25.950

Molly Claire: Yeah, yeah.

 

00:12:25.950 --> 00:12:28.220

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: And and

 

00:12:28.710 --> 00:12:39.660

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: you know increasingly one of the things that I really admire about your work. And one of the reasons I you know we've become such fast friends and dear colleagues, is because I I so cherish

 

00:12:39.880 --> 00:12:48.410

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: the emphasis you bring to the coaching community on embodiment. Right? It's so critical, so critical.

 

00:12:48.836 --> 00:12:49.690

Molly Claire: It is.

 

00:12:49.690 --> 00:12:54.790

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: And and to to me. It's foundational, all right. You did.

 

00:12:54.790 --> 00:12:56.470

Molly Claire: It absolutely is.

 

00:12:56.470 --> 00:13:22.709

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: It is the source. And you know one of the things that your response just made me think of is the way you know, just to make it even more granular and specific. You talk about us, fearing that embodied knowing. So what does that really even mean? And I would say that one of the things I'd love your thoughts on this, too. One of the things I think we fear we both long for and we're terrified of is our own pleasure, like our own untapped

 

00:13:23.080 --> 00:13:27.719

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: wild desire. I don't mean what we're taught to want.

 

00:13:27.720 --> 00:13:28.360

Molly Claire: Hmm.

 

00:13:28.360 --> 00:13:39.789

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: What we're allowed to want, what we're sanctioned to desire. But I mean the full, messy, wild, feckund range of our unleashed arrows.

 

00:13:39.790 --> 00:13:40.300

Molly Claire: Hmm.

 

00:13:40.300 --> 00:13:43.010

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Both sexual and sensual.

 

00:13:43.410 --> 00:13:43.800

Molly Claire: Okay.

 

98

00:13:43.800 --> 00:14:06.289

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: And I think that we again back to that tiny isthmus right of what? What we're allowed to feel and feel comfortable feeling, because when we, when we have a limited access to our own pleasure, when we feel embarrassed by our pleasure. I can't tell you how many women come to me want no feeling like like they freeze in the face of their own pleasure.

 

99

00:14:06.550 --> 00:14:08.330

Molly Claire: And they.

 

100

00:14:08.510 --> 00:14:10.640

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Or they feel embarrassed

 

101

00:14:10.910 --> 00:14:18.959

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: by revealing or asking for what they really want. This is so normal. I think we've all.

 

102

00:14:18.960 --> 00:14:19.390

Molly Claire: Bye.

 

103

00:14:19.570 --> 00:14:26.579

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: That's right. But how very often what's happening behind the

 

104

00:14:26.870 --> 00:14:34.370

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: the fear of our pleasure is a radical, unknowing, a radical discomfort with our pain.

 

105

00:14:34.760 --> 00:14:35.530

Molly Claire: Hmm.

 

106

00:14:35.780 --> 00:14:37.470

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: And so the practice.

 

107

00:14:37.470 --> 00:14:38.330

Molly Claire: About that.

 

108

00:14:38.610 --> 00:14:53.500

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Yeah. So the practice of coming home to our pleasure and owning our pleasure has so much to do with building a capacity. So back to your nervous system, work right, building the capacity in the body to hold more pleasure.

 

109

00:14:53.660 --> 00:14:54.440

Molly Claire: Hmm.

 

110

00:14:54.440 --> 00:15:00.849

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: You know, we might think that this is a no brainer. Well, of course, of course, I want more joy, more pleasure, and more.

 

111

00:15:01.160 --> 00:15:02.090

Molly Claire: But.

 

112

00:15:02.090 --> 00:15:14.420

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Of course, like, you know, Gay Hendrix work, and a lot of other people have shown that. You know, we really do have an upper limit, where our nervous systems are calibrated to what's familiar, even if it's really unpleasant. And

 

113

00:15:14.430 --> 00:15:14.950

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: yes, okay.

 

114

00:15:14.950 --> 00:15:29.289

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: we are also, you tie that into, you know, long standing, ancient negativity bias wired into the human form, and we tend to be a lot more comfortable with a kind of amputated pleasure range.

 

115

00:15:30.380 --> 00:15:51.910

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: And the gateway right to expanding that that pleasure zone which is where we're going to get to the really juicy upper echelons of our own potential and our own sacred contribution in this lifetime, right is through the gateway of discomfort. Can we say, how can we cultivate the ability to be with.

 

116

00:15:52.010 --> 00:15:57.840

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: not heal, not fix, not change.

 

117

00:15:58.050 --> 00:16:01.610

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: but to be with which is in the body

 

118

00:16:01.720 --> 00:16:05.379

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: the sensation, the felt sense of discomfort

 

119

00:16:07.040 --> 00:16:21.769

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: that comes back to like, how do we feel clean pain without the adding and spiraling to the story of dirty pain? How we you know the stuff we make it mean? How do we become present to the beautiful, tenderizing emotion of grief?

 

120

00:16:23.300 --> 00:16:33.969

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Grief is such a portal to pleasure, but we have such a paucity of vocabulary and practices in this culture for actually tending with reverence our grief.

 

121

00:16:35.040 --> 00:16:35.800

Molly Claire: Agree.

 

122

00:16:35.800 --> 00:16:42.979

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Pleasure and erotic potential are all interwoven because they all come down to building capacity to be.

 

123

00:16:42.980 --> 00:16:43.500

Molly Claire: Hmm.

 

124

00:16:43.680 --> 00:16:44.760

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: In the body.

 

125

00:16:45.200 --> 00:16:49.600

Molly Claire: Yes, yes, that it's that capacity. Right? That's it's

 

126

00:16:50.850 --> 00:16:53.130

Molly Claire: I have so much to say about that. But

 

127

00:16:53.590 --> 00:16:57.500

Molly Claire: expanding our capacity is one of the greatest gifts.

 

128

00:16:57.500 --> 00:16:57.900

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Hmm.

 

129

00:16:57.900 --> 00:17:01.540

Molly Claire: Ourself the greatest gifts, and it's not pleasant.

 

130

00:17:01.710 --> 00:17:02.660

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Yeah.

 

131

00:17:02.660 --> 00:17:04.770

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Well, not first, st not@firstst

 

132

00:17:04.770 --> 00:17:06.540

Molly Claire: Not at 1st right right?

 

133

00:17:06.540 --> 00:17:13.169

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Right? It's a it's an initiation, right? It's an an initiation. That's how we like to think about it right.

 

134

00:17:13.550 --> 00:17:18.625

Molly Claire: Yes, and then, and also I think that the more we

 

135

00:17:20.410 --> 00:17:26.439

Molly Claire: the more we see and understand the value in the expanding of capacity.

 

136

00:17:26.640 --> 00:17:34.620

Molly Claire: And the more, as you said, we understand the value in making space for

 

137

00:17:35.080 --> 00:17:44.406

Molly Claire: the grief that we also experience. I know we could get into a whole other thing about that right? And we definitely need to have another episode. But

 

138

00:17:45.410 --> 00:17:56.890

Molly Claire: I I just think that the more we can at least understand the value, and that it's worth it. It allows us to to open up to it a little more easily.

 

139

00:17:57.040 --> 00:17:58.919

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: A 100% 100%.

 

140

00:17:59.050 --> 00:17:59.840

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Yeah.

 

141

00:18:00.170 --> 00:18:02.029

Molly Claire: So one thing. So

 

142

00:18:02.760 --> 00:18:12.380

Molly Claire: when I think about my upbringing, I was raised in a I would say, a very conservative community, very conservative church culture.

 

143

00:18:12.640 --> 00:18:20.220

Molly Claire: and I also had parents who talked very openly about sex.

 

144

00:18:21.296 --> 00:18:29.089

Molly Claire: My opinions and feelings about sex, I would say. Generally speaking, we're very positive.

 

145

00:18:29.300 --> 00:18:42.100

Molly Claire: I remember my mom always telling me that sex felt so good that it was so much fun that it was something to be excited about, and and something that was really special and important.

 

146

00:18:42.600 --> 00:18:43.089

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: And so.

 

147

00:18:43.090 --> 00:18:50.639

Molly Claire: So, and I was raised definitely. I was taught that you know, sex and sexual connection with some someone

 

148

00:18:51.196 --> 00:19:12.360

Molly Claire: should only be within marriage which I'm not. None of this is like up for debate on this podcast of whether that's a bad teaching, a good teaching or anywhere in between. But I'm just just saying this to to bring into context where I'm coming from so interesting, where I was taught what most would consider a very conservative view

 

149

00:19:12.560 --> 00:19:21.920

Molly Claire: of sex in a way maybe even guarded with rules around it. And yet I also was taught simultaneously that it was a really

 

150

00:19:22.340 --> 00:19:43.309

Molly Claire: positive, really gift from God, and something that allowed greater connection with another person. And so and the reason I say all of this is that I typically thought of myself as someone who has a pretty healthy relationship with sex and my sexuality.

 

151

00:19:43.560 --> 00:19:52.720

Molly Claire: And yet I feel like what you offer and what you're speaking to in terms of the

 

152

00:19:53.570 --> 00:20:00.969

Molly Claire: I don't. I don't quite have the right words for it, but but even more of the spiritual nature of our own sexuality

 

153

00:20:01.110 --> 00:20:11.889

Molly Claire: is is bigger and different. And I think this is, I think this is why, maybe this is, maybe I've just. It's just come to my mind. So I've always thought of sex in relation to

 

154

00:20:12.680 --> 00:20:29.490

Molly Claire: a positive thing. It feels good. It's about connection. But I don't think I was ever really taught to understand my own sexuality. And I'm not talking about the act of sex, or even orgasm, or anything like that, but just my sexuality

 

155

00:20:29.670 --> 00:20:37.859

Molly Claire: as its own, like a part of me that is spiritual and important. I think that's what it is. Maybe that I've been missing.

 

156

00:20:38.520 --> 00:20:39.200

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Huh!

 

157

00:20:39.680 --> 00:20:41.949

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Yes, I almost want to just like

 

158

00:20:42.590 --> 00:20:46.720

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: pause right there and let that resonate with your listeners.

 

159

00:20:46.990 --> 00:20:47.630

Molly Claire: Yeah.

 

160

00:20:47.630 --> 00:20:55.759

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: I I you know you asked in the beginning what's missing? And I think I think you've just described it so well, right. This

 

161

00:20:56.190 --> 00:21:02.020

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: it's 1 thing to think about sexuality as

 

162

00:21:03.530 --> 00:21:11.679

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: a pathway to deeper intimacy and communion with another in a sacred relationship.

 

163

00:21:12.370 --> 00:21:13.430

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Bond, right.

 

164

00:21:14.500 --> 00:21:23.199

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: But we are not taught how and we're not shown and modeled women

 

165

00:21:23.370 --> 00:21:34.400

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: who in or men really, who inhabit, live inside of their sexuality. 1st of all, as their own.

 

166

00:21:35.230 --> 00:21:46.499

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: So sexual really sexuality cause, I would agree. I mean, I I do think sexuality, I mean, obviously, sexuality is the pathway to sacred union.

 

167

00:21:47.590 --> 00:21:48.900

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: both within and without.

 

168

00:21:49.660 --> 00:22:04.710

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: But sexuality is at its most essential creative life. Force, energy, right, create.

 

169

00:22:04.710 --> 00:22:06.050

Molly Claire: Say it again. Yeah.

 

170

00:22:06.050 --> 00:22:19.250

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Sexuality, the at its essence. Sexuality itself is essence, right, it is the progenitor of all right. Sexuality is creative

 

171

00:22:19.500 --> 00:22:22.410

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: life, force, energy.

 

172

00:22:26.820 --> 00:22:34.709

Molly Claire: You know, just before you said that I was thinking about this question was coming to my mind to ask you how you would distinguish between

 

173

00:22:35.730 --> 00:22:41.910

Molly Claire: our sexuality and the act of sex, because they're they're different.

 

174

00:22:42.260 --> 00:22:47.100

Molly Claire: They're related. But they're different. And and then and that's what it is right. It's

 

175

00:22:47.890 --> 00:22:50.439

Molly Claire: and I, just, I just keep thinking. This is

 

176

00:22:50.730 --> 00:23:08.150

Molly Claire: such an important thing for all of us to really understand and know about ourselves. And where do we go to do this other than you, I mean, really. And that's why I was so, you know, just Kirsten. You've got to do this retreat, and why I wanted to have this podcast. Because.

 

177

00:23:08.390 --> 00:23:27.230

Molly Claire: And I've had intimacy experts in my community before and and teach. And they're fantastic. And they teach different parts of, you know, different pieces and parts of sexuality and sexual relationships that are really useful. And and this what you are speaking about, I just think, is so different.

 

178

00:23:27.230 --> 00:23:30.029

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Hmm, and it's it's just an it's a.

 

179

00:23:30.030 --> 00:23:30.929

Molly Claire: Big deal. Yeah.

 

180

00:23:30.930 --> 00:23:36.520

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Yeah. And and I just if I may say one thing in response to that, that you know

 

181

00:23:37.660 --> 00:23:52.780

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: the reclamation for all of us, for all of us women and men the reclamation of sexuality as sacred, and by sacred, I mean, I don't want to get. I don't. I'm not talking morality here right.

 

182

00:23:52.780 --> 00:23:53.330

Molly Claire: Yeah.

 

183

00:23:53.330 --> 00:24:22.770

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: I mean as sacred as in the animating life force of the cosmos God, energy, right. I see sexual energy as the iteration of God, consciousness moving through us. Right? We are endowed with creative capacity. In this essential, like erotic current, that is, life, force, energy, that is, God, energy, and

 

184

00:24:22.880 --> 00:24:49.190

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: what I think has happened over time in myriad ways is that with the severing of human from nature, we've separated the head, the mind, from the body, and and in that we have also relegated sexuality to something we visit and come home from, not something we live inside of, and our own sexuality is that which is ignited by way of another right?

 

185

00:24:49.870 --> 00:24:52.610

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: And so to reclaim

 

186

00:24:52.820 --> 00:25:09.150

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: sexual energy and to and to literally like and I'm talking in really practical, tactical terms. What does it feel like in your body? And I'm not talking about just masturbating or being sexual with somebody else, although you know both of those are great. But I'm talking about.

 

187

00:25:09.150 --> 00:25:28.039

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: How do we perceive sexual energy in your body walking through the day? I mean, this is my mission to help women come home to their erotic essence, and to embody that essence as Godhead, as as the source of their their

 

188

00:25:28.650 --> 00:25:41.639

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: their life force, that they have the capacity that we have the capacity to cultivate, to nurture, to nourish, and to express, because when we can live from this fount

 

189

00:25:41.880 --> 00:25:50.890

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: of of this inherent fount of God, energy in our bodies, moving through our day from this space.

 

190

00:25:51.730 --> 00:25:55.050

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: What we touch, what we create.

 

191

00:25:55.530 --> 00:26:03.290

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: what we connect with, what we attract is suffused in, in loving energy.

 

192

00:26:03.440 --> 00:26:06.489

Molly Claire: And it's so much more impactful.

 

193

00:26:06.620 --> 00:26:19.970

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: And we, we are so much more. We are swimming with the current. Right? We're moving with the current of life and our creations rather than fighting and struggling against it. It's a really powerful resource.

 

194

00:26:21.020 --> 00:26:22.796

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: We could go into all sorts of.

 

195

00:26:23.490 --> 00:26:51.400

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: All sorts of things about that, like, you know. Well, it's no wonder that women's sexuality is is, you know, demonized and kind of us and all the rest, because it is such a source of such innate and godly power. And I'm really on a mission to help women come home to their bodies, come home to the Roddick current within and know how to activate it, know how to recognize it, know how to wield it, channel it, and create from this space.

 

196

00:26:52.820 --> 00:26:53.840

Molly Claire: Well, and

 

197

00:26:53.970 --> 00:27:00.589

Molly Claire: you know, as Kirsten's talking, what keeps coming to my mind, you know and and all of you listening you're.

 

198

00:27:01.411 --> 00:27:03.869

Molly Claire: I'm sure everyone's minds are going like

 

199

00:27:04.130 --> 00:27:17.810

Molly Claire: like taking this all in and integrating it into what we know and what we believe and what we think and what's possible. But one of the this question that keeps coming to my mind that I think is worth really all of us considering is

 

200

00:27:18.420 --> 00:27:27.619

Molly Claire: what is my own relationship with my sexuality with that part of me.

 

201

00:27:27.890 --> 00:27:28.545

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Right

 

202

00:27:29.610 --> 00:27:32.720

Molly Claire: What do I think about it? What do I feel about it?

 

203

00:27:34.950 --> 00:27:37.240

Molly Claire: Because I just think, if there's any

 

204

00:27:37.470 --> 00:27:42.319

Molly Claire: part of us, this is my personal belief. Nobody has to take this on. But

 

205

00:27:42.510 --> 00:27:53.010

Molly Claire: I do believe that that our spirituality or I'm sorry our sexuality is God given. I think it's I think it is. And

 

206

00:27:53.750 --> 00:27:56.019

Molly Claire: and so interesting to think

 

207

00:27:56.850 --> 00:28:06.199

Molly Claire: that if we have beliefs about it that say we need to shut it down or close it out, or dim it.

 

208

00:28:06.200 --> 00:28:07.770

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Or the yeah, it's dangerous.

 

209

00:28:07.770 --> 00:28:11.269

Molly Claire: Yes, like, how can we be?

 

210

00:28:11.510 --> 00:28:21.679

Molly Claire: How can we be experience in our life fully? And this doesn't mean right, this. And hopefully, this is not the message that's coming across. It's it's not like,

 

211

00:28:23.050 --> 00:28:34.750

Molly Claire: I think sometimes people can get the idea that this means that you're having sex with everyone everywhere, or something like that, right? If if we're not shutting it out and dimming it. This is like that's not even close to what this conversation is about.

 

212

00:28:34.750 --> 00:28:37.650

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Right, which is fine, though, if you are, but that's not what I'm talking about.

 

213

00:28:37.650 --> 00:28:42.149

Molly Claire: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like a completely different topic altogether. Right? And so.

 

214

00:28:42.360 --> 00:28:43.992

Molly Claire: But I think that

 

215

00:28:45.480 --> 00:28:52.039

Molly Claire: that that's a really good question for us to consider like, what is my relationship with my sexuality?

 

216

00:28:52.210 --> 00:28:56.509

Molly Claire: And how is that relationship with my sexuality

 

217

00:28:56.880 --> 00:29:00.863

Molly Claire: impacting me right? Impacting how?

 

218

00:29:02.430 --> 00:29:08.719

Molly Claire: how whole I feel as a person how accepting I feel of myself as a human being.

 

219

00:29:08.720 --> 00:29:21.270

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Yeah, absolutely. And that's the exact question with which we begin the sex retreat. That is the 1st question for everybody that everybody who comes they'll be. Everybody will be receiving a Pdf. With

 

220

00:29:21.270 --> 00:29:50.419

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: some questions and journaling problems and some practices. And there's some, you know, some like small, very doable little ceremonies with tea and things to do before, to sort of warm ourselves up, so that when we get to Mexico altogether we're not just coming in cold. We've we've thought about it. We've talked about it. We've had a live call together where we get to exhale through all our nervousness, start sharing and creating community, because that safety, of course, especially for the feminine.

 

221

00:29:50.490 --> 00:29:54.440

Molly Claire: Safety, is essential, right, no.

 

222

00:29:54.530 --> 00:30:04.080

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: So for the feminine woman, you know the the retrieval, the reclamation of our sexuality, and our pleasure cannot happen in the absence of safety.

 

223

00:30:05.020 --> 00:30:22.010

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: also cultivating the divine masculine within structure, solidity, presence, consciousness. And so what is my relationship to my sexuality.

 

224

00:30:23.280 --> 00:30:30.610

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: I mean just the word relationship, right? Just you know

 

225

00:30:30.780 --> 00:30:36.150

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: what kind of a relationship is it? Does this relationship feel good.

 

226

00:30:36.360 --> 00:30:37.350

Molly Claire: -

 

227

00:30:37.690 --> 00:30:39.389

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: This, a nourishing relationship.

 

228

00:30:39.390 --> 00:30:40.650

Molly Claire: -

 

229

00:30:40.650 --> 00:30:51.640

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: More than it takes away. Is this a relationship that leaves me anxious and insecure? Is it all over the map? If it's some of this and some of that.

 

230

00:30:52.660 --> 00:30:59.530

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Where might I begin to think about how I'd like it to evolve.

 

231

00:31:02.240 --> 00:31:04.622

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Okay, really like it to be.

 

232

00:31:05.020 --> 00:31:14.189

Molly Claire: This is, I know this has opened up so much, and I really I know we can. We probably should have. We should have another call after the retreat. And have a

 

233

00:31:14.190 --> 00:31:15.780

Molly Claire: do. Another podcast episode

 

234

00:31:15.780 --> 00:31:35.687

Molly Claire: then, but those of you listening, I mean, I I just think I remember one of one of the coaches that came and taught my clients a couple of years ago. Lisa Haddelstead. She's a fantastic coach, and okay, well, it might have been so I have. So Lisa, and then

 

235

00:31:36.810 --> 00:31:50.390

Molly Claire: And also Amanda louder. I'm giving them a shout out because they both contributed, and I can't remember which one of them said it. But I'm gonna I'm going to bring it up either way. So one of you said this amidst the brilliance, and that is that oftentimes

 

236

00:31:50.620 --> 00:31:55.740

Molly Claire: the intimacy, like as as coaches, or even as someone coming to a coach.

 

237

00:31:55.950 --> 00:32:06.699

Molly Claire: we leave the intimacy for the end. So it's coaches right? We want to learn all the things, and it's the last thing. And I remember one of them saying it actually should be one of the 1st things we don't realize

 

238

00:32:06.930 --> 00:32:09.509

Molly Claire: how many things it's connected to. So.

 

239

00:32:09.960 --> 00:32:11.376

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: It's like the root ball.

 

240

00:32:12.190 --> 00:32:30.999

Molly Claire: So, having said that, I mean, I'm a believer. This is an important topic. Obviously, I'm so excited about this retreat. So I wanted to have Kirsten here to tell you all about it. So as we wrap up this episode, tell everyone just a little bit about the retreat and what steps they can take to be a part of it, because I think you still have spots left. Yes.

 

241

00:32:31.000 --> 00:32:32.290

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Just 4 spots. Left.

 

242

00:32:32.290 --> 00:32:34.730

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: 4 spots. Okay, okay, so so.

 

243

00:32:34.730 --> 00:32:38.669

Molly Claire: Tell us a little bit about it, and how people could be a part of it.

 

244

00:32:38.670 --> 00:33:00.529

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Wonderful. Well, we are going. It's going to be a small retreat, limited to 12 women, because I want to ensure personalized. You know, individual attention for everybody. We're meeting in the Riviera Maya at on Sanctuary. It's in the heart of the Mayan jungle 10 min from the beach. So where's sea and jungle meet

 

245

00:33:00.540 --> 00:33:18.949

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: like a beautiful fertile place. I've bought out the whole resort, so we feel super safe and free to just be ourselves, whatever that looks like it's a 4 day retreat starting on. It's over the spring equinox. So March 20th to 24, th

 

246

00:33:18.970 --> 00:33:39.049

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: 2025. We start on a Thursday evening. We end on that Monday morning, and our mornings will be spent in circle, circling up together. You're doing some breath work, really, you know, coming into our bodies, some gentle Yoga, maybe some sacred dance. And then we're gonna we're also gonna have, like down home.

 

247

00:33:39.150 --> 00:33:43.760

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: skillfully guided and led just discussion because so much of what?

 

248

00:33:43.970 --> 00:33:54.350

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Bring it out? Bring it out like, what are those answers to the question, what is your relationship to your sexuality? What do you really want? What are you really scared of? What are you convinced?

 

249

00:33:55.420 --> 00:33:56.370

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Is

 

250

00:33:56.760 --> 00:34:03.739

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: impossible, too imperfect, too wrong, too bad, too much of a flaw inside of you to have what you want.

 

251

00:34:04.370 --> 00:34:13.069

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Where does your shame really reside? Because I can assure you that no matter how evolved of a woman is in this experience, she's got some calcified layer of shame.

 

252

00:34:13.620 --> 00:34:42.480

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: what is the relationship between your anger and sexuality? Because when we repress our anger, we repress our sexuality right? Our mornings will be spent, you know, doing a lot of coaching, deep dive teaching. I draw from a number of different methodologies very contemporary work, as well as a lot of training in ancient sacred sexuality practices. Tantra. So I meld these together, and we'll have mornings that are rich in teaching and coaching and activity and exploration some ceremony.

 

253

00:34:42.719 --> 00:34:52.519

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Then we'll have a beautiful lunch. Then. Afternoons there will be a lot of free time to integrate, wander, explore this beautiful space. Reflect, nap.

 

254

00:34:52.630 --> 00:35:13.530

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: We'll also have every day a beautiful curated adventure or ceremony. So we're doing a Mayan Tamaskal. We're doing a breathwork journey. We're doing a sacred sound bath by the light of a hundred candles in an underground cenote. It's a fire ceremony.

 

255

00:35:14.029 --> 00:35:29.310

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: and and sisterhood, you know. Really, sisterhood, I do. Well, as I. I've been a teacher for 26 years. I was a poetry professor, and I I know how to cultivate intimate, safe.

 

00:35:29.420 --> 00:35:34.589

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: open fun, loving community among women, and it's my favorite.

 

00:35:34.790 --> 00:35:58.599

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: And so people will leave this retreat with, you know, lifelong connections and friends, and so much more awakened to their truth and their their own, their own sexuality, and that the power that resides within that. So I can say a lot more. But those are the nuts and bolts, and you can. I'll have you drop the link to the sex, retreat in the notes to the episode, and people can click on that and register.

 

00:35:59.000 --> 00:36:17.240

Molly Claire: Or if they, if anybody, would like to speak to me personally, which one probably would. If you are thinking about this, I'm happy to jump on a call, one on one free, of course complimentary. Not a sales call, but just to talk to you about whether or not this is really a good fit for you. So I'm happy, and I'll drop a link for that as well.

 

00:36:17.240 --> 00:36:31.599

Molly Claire: Awesome. Okay. So in the show notes we have the link to register directly, and also the opportunity. If people want to to speak with you, to get more information, too, and I just have to say that I have sent a link to

 

00:36:31.610 --> 00:36:47.330

Molly Claire: the place where we're going to be like the site, the pictures to like so many of my friends I'm like, look where I'm going to be, because, let me tell all of you, it is gorgeous. It is. Even if you have no interest in going to the retreat, you should click on the link. So you can see this place.

 

00:36:47.380 --> 00:36:52.219

Molly Claire: And I know the food is gonna be amazing. I it's just gonna be fantastic. So.

 

00:36:52.220 --> 00:36:53.500

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: It is, it is.

 

00:36:53.500 --> 00:37:05.880

Molly Claire: Thank you so much for being here and for sharing all of this. I know it's given my listeners so much to think about, and any any final things you want to say before we wrap up.

 

00:37:06.700 --> 00:37:11.710

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Let's just thank you. Thank you. And any woman listening to this

 

00:37:11.870 --> 00:37:21.089

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: that feels like oh, you know, I feel inspired by this, but I feel terrified at the same time, or I feel uncomfortable.

 

00:37:22.310 --> 00:37:31.409

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: I just invite you to turn with softness and curiosity to whatever resistance there is.

 

00:37:31.930 --> 00:37:34.100

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: And befriend it.

 

00:37:34.100 --> 00:37:34.900

Molly Claire: Hmm.

 

00:37:34.900 --> 00:37:36.500

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Let it guide you home.

 

00:37:37.060 --> 00:37:37.630

Molly Claire: Love it.

 

00:37:37.870 --> 00:37:38.460

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Yeah. Thanks.

 

00:37:38.460 --> 00:37:38.800

Molly Claire: Hmm.

 

00:37:38.800 --> 00:37:40.099

Kirstin Hotelling Zona, PhD: Thank you. Thank you.

 

00:37:40.100 --> 00:37:52.260

Molly Claire: Thank you, Kirsten. Thank you. To all of you. We will be back with another episode in a couple of weeks. We're spacing the episodes out just a tad over the holidays, so we'll see you next time.