00:45

Welcome everyone! Today, we are talking about small decisions in small moments that make a big difference. In fact, I believe they make the biggest difference in terms of what you are trying to create. 

 

 01:00

We're going to talk about this from the perspective of you as a business owner, you as someone wanting to improve your own personal life, and also in terms of you as a coach or a leader helping other people to make changes. 

 

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This is a big deal, and there are reasons why it works. And there are reasons why we typically don't do it. So that's what we're going to be talking about today. Before we go any further, make sure if you are not already that you are on my list. 

 

 01:28

There is a fantastic masterclass coming up in June about emotional mastery for coaches. We are diving deep into the topic of emotions. This is something that is front and center in many people's minds recently, especially as we're learning more about emotional resilience, emotional intelligence, and what it really means. 

 

 01:51

So, I'm thrilled to bring you this masterclass. Make sure that you are on my list so you are the first to know. So, let's talk about today's episode. We're going to be breaking down for you the trap of big changes all at once that fall flat, the trap of inaction. 

 

 02:10

We're also going to talk about the four fundamentals of lasting change that I often talk with you about where this is understanding you as a whole human being with different parts of you, right, that need to be addressed in order to create permanent change. 

 

 02:24

And we're also going to talk about this strategy of small decisions and how it can allow you to bypass resistance and create greater momentum. So let's talk first about the life that you are wanting to build. 

 

 02:41

So, take a minute and think about the big goal that you have. Maybe it is a certain amount of growth in your business in terms of clients, in terms of revenue, in terms of reach, whatever it is. or maybe it's big changes in your personal life, maybe in your quality of life, maybe you're wanting to work less, maybe you're wanting to improve or expand a relationship that's really important to you. 

 

 03:08

So, whatever it is, I want you to think for a minute about what you ultimately want. And oftentimes, when we think about a big thing that we want, we set in place a big plan of action, and we can often then feel overwhelmed, even discouraged or frustrated when we aren't moving toward what we want at the pace that we desire. 

 

 03:33

And what I want to offer you today is that sometimes doing a little less, pushing a little less, thinking about the idea of bringing in this intention for what you want on a regular daily basis in the little moments is going to be much more powerful and impactful than the biggest, grandest plan. 

 

 04:03

So, let's talk about this trap of big changes and grand gestures. We all know what this is like, right? You go into the gym January 2nd, maybe not the first, maybe the second and it's packed, right? Everyone has this big idea in their mind. 

 

 04:20

They're ready to make the change, and they are making a big commitment. They're making a declaration about what they're going to do. They are blocking out all the space on their calendar. They're certain that from this moment forward, everything is going to be different. 

 

 04:36

And yet, how often does that actually happen? By the end of January, it's a little quieter at the gym. By mid-February, you're back to the normal crowd. So this is what happens. This is normal. And the reason we all do this is because we all have very similar patterns and wiring, right? 

 

 04:57

And we all have a nervous system. And so I want to talk first about why we are drawn to big dramatic changes. Well, number one, when we feel frustration about wanting to change the old or we feel enthusiasm about the new, sometimes we can feel so desperate to keep that strong feeling there to help us move forward, that we believe that if we take these big steps, we do these big things, that it will anchor this big feeling. 

 

 05:30

Now, the problem is-I'm going to break down a couple specific problems here-is that, number one, your nervous system loves for everything to stay the same, right? You can experience what can be referred to as nervous system pushback. 

 

 05:47

So imagine here you are, and you're making all of these big changes, which by the way, may seem fantastic, right? Maybe you're working on getting better rest or having more downtime or you're maybe working on clearing your calendar. 

 

 06:03

These all seem like fantastic things, but the truth is that it is different. It is a change and there will be a sense of discomfort in that and there will be nervous system pushback. Whether you know it or not because oftentimes, at a subconscious level, we are doing things to sabotage that progress. 

 

 06:24

I'm going to link in the show notes a fantastic episode on sabotage and the nervous system with Leah Davidson. It was her podcast maybe a month ago and it was fantastic and it was right around this topic. 

 

 06:35

So this is something that we need to be aware of. The big changes, oftentimes, the reason that things get in the way or we don't follow through is because we don't feel safe creating the change. Now, the good news is that the solution we're talking about today helps with this. 

 

 06:53

Now, the second reason that this does not last is what I am referring to as energy cost, and that is that it takes much more effort to do something new than it does to do what you've always done. So our nervous system hardwires behavior patterns right and so this is why when you do the same thing every single day it becomes routine and you don't have to think about it. 

 

 07:17

It doesn't take effort, it doesn't take energy, it's just something you do on autopilot which is a beautiful thing because it allows you to conserve energy and so anytime we're doing something new we're creating a new pattern that requires more energy from you. 

 

 07:34

Not necessarily physical energy but it requires mental and emotional energy and one of the things that we dive really deep into this in master coach training in our productivity segment one of the things that I work with my clients to understand is how they can help their clients to deal with this energy cost piece and to understand that when we can help ourselves and our clients to understand that when we're making a change, it's going to require more energy from us, then it allows us the space to create a supportive plan, right? So if we bring this down to simple terms, if you are making many new changes at once, or even a big change, and it requires energy of you, and you start feeling potentially a bit worn out, you may start feeling a little discouraged, thinking things like this is so much effort, I can't keep this up, and what happens is we give up. But the truth is that once a new pattern is established, it doesn't require as much energy. And yet, it's hard for us to remember that, right? So these are the two big reasons that this trap of big changes really impacts you and why it doesn't work. 

 

 08:47

Nervous system pushback and the drain on the energy, this is taking too much effort, and feeling that sense of exacerbation, you've had a chance to put the behavior on autopilot. Let's talk next about the trap of inaction and freeze, which we all understand as well, right? 

 

 09:05

So this is another trap that can be just as powerful as the big action, and that is not taking action at all. What does this look like? This looks like sometimes the freeze response or chronic inaction, where we're always thinking about what we want to do, but we're avoiding. 

 

 09:23

Maybe we're thinking about it while we're doing the exact opposite of what we want to be doing. And oftentimes, the reason that we don't take action can be thought patterns like, it's too hard, or I don't know where to start, or what if I fail again, or what's the point in trying again, right? 

 

 09:41

And so sometimes this inaction can actually happen as a result of those grand gesture attempts that fall flat, right? So we go after the big thing, we don't do it, we create more evidence that we can't, and then sometimes that can actually fuel this inaction response because we have so much evidence to believe that we won't get there, right? 

 

 10:03

So one of the things it's really important to understand about inaction is that there is plenty happening underneath. Plenty of things like fear, self-doubt, even subconscious protective mechanisms, right? 

 

 10:19

Nervous systems shut down or overwhelm. Now, the good news is that while there is plenty going on under the surface, and the more skilled you become as a coach, and the more you understand how to work with your clients mentally, emotionally, with their nervous system, and also actions, you can dive into all of that. 

 

 10:39

And you don't have to figure this all out right now, you don't actually need a full diagnosis of every fear before you take action. And sometimes these actions can be the perfect starting point. So today's solution, looking at these small moments and tiny choices offers a very gentle entry point. 

 

 10:59

This is a process where you can really kind of take yourself by the hand and be your own step-by-step guide into creating change and doing the same for your clients. And as you move forward with these tiny moments, oftentimes what's buried under the surface can arise and be released and shifted very naturally and organically over time. 

 

 11:22

Remember these micro movements are safe movements and this is what will help you to transform with less resistance and greater ease. Let's talk a little bit now about the four fundamentals of lasting change. 

 

 11:37

I dive much deeper into this in my master classes and other podcast episodes, but I just want to touch on them here because, truly, this is the framework in which we can understand how to help our clients move forward. 

 

 11:51

So, the four fundamentals of lasting change are the skills that my master coaches in training are embodying. This is the work they are bringing in so that everything they're doing with their clients can be more effective. 

 

 12:04

These four fundamentals include understanding cognitive mastery, understanding all about thought patterns, how to access and shift mindset in ways that are healthy and positive. It also includes emotional integration because the best mindset work without the body or nervous system on board is not going to get you anywhere and can, in fact, push you backwards. 

 

 12:29

So we have to understand more about the emotional world of your clients that is not separate from the mindset but that is, in its own right, a space to be attended to. Number three is the nervous system, understanding more about the nervous system which is the backdrop of all of our thoughts and emotions and understanding nervous system regulation. 

 

 12:49

And the fourth is action strategies that are integrated with understanding mind, emotion and body, nervous system and how to actually move forward. So these are the four fundamentals of lasting change, and these are all brought into this approach that I am offering you today. 

 

 13:09

So, let's talk about small moments and small decisions, which is where change can actually start to happen for you today. On any given day, we make dozens and dozens of tiny decisions. The decision to take a minute to make the bed or to do it later. 

 

 13:29

The decision to load my dish in the dishwasher or to take care of it later. The decision to maybe have a few more chips even though I'm completely stuffed. It's these tiny moments, these tiny decisions that really add up. 

 

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Now, before you start berating yourself and criticizing yourself for not making the best decisions all of the time, keep in mind that it's very normal that we make decisions more in an unconscious way, where we're really paying attention to how we feel in the moment or what we're wanting, or there are thoughts telling us that it's not really a big deal. 

 

 14:10

And all of these small decisions that are not fantastic are normal. We don't need to judge ourselves for them, but instead, let's be curious. Sometimes these moments of small decisions can come from sort of feeling a little lazy, right? 

 

 14:28

Maybe, maybe, our resources are low. We're a little bit tired and we just have the sense that it's not really worth it to do that. Another thing that can come into play is a bit of impulsiveness, right? 

 

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Where maybe, oh, I can see that this would be a good choice to make, or that I have this on my calendar. But I'm really wanting to do something else. Something else seems more exciting or more important. 

 

 14:51

And I want to distinguish that this is different than intentionally going a different route with what you're doing because you feel called in that direction versus an impulsive feeling. So notice the difference for you. 

 

 15:05

Another very common reason this happens is this sense of being rushed, right? Especially when we think, oh, I'll deal with it later. It'll be fine. I'll take care of it then. So I've identified three here, but I want you to think about for you. 

 

 15:21

You can even pause this podcast for a minute and think, okay, in those small moments, what is going on for me? Is it sort of feeling lazy? Is it an impulsiveness? Is it a sense of being rushed? Is it potentially thoughts like, well, it's not going to matter anyway? 

 

 15:42

Notice for you what it is that's happening in those small moments when you make decisions that aren't necessarily in your best interest. Now, I want to take a step back and let's think about an example. 

 

 15:55

Let's say that you want to have more order and cleanliness in your home, in your life, or in your systems. And you think about this, you have a plan to do this and you have a big checklist. And then of course that big checklist is overwhelming and you're not really doing it and maybe you go in the cycle of decluttering only to have a whole bunch of stuff come back in and fill the space. 

 

 16:18

Right. And you can relate this to any example in your life. So let's imagine that in this arena, instead of having the big list, you decide to bring in a mindset of paying attention to the small moments and you bring this thought in, what can I do in this moment right now? 

 

 16:36

What if the small moments build the big life that I want? And with these questions, it brings your attention to those smaller moments where you load the dish right away, where you fold the laundry right away, where you put on your calendar when you will take care of that little thing, instead of simply saying, I'll take care of it later. 

 

 17:00

I want you to think for just a minute about the area of your life that you want to be different. And what are the small decisions, the small moments that if approached differently, if approached with a greater drop of intention, with a little more forward-focused thinking? 

 

 17:25

What would be the cumulative effect? How would those small choices add up? How would those small choices change your behavior patterns? How would those small choices change your thought patterns? How would those small behaviors change what you think, feel, and believe is possible for changes in your life? 

 

 17:54

And how are those small moments, those small choices, going to actually be creating the very thing that you most desire? Now, I'm guessing and hoping that many of you are already feeling the power of this small idea, and I just want to reiterate to you why this works. 

 

 18:21

Instead of pushing our nervous system or our fears into high alert, we're simply making small gentle choices. The very act of slowing down to make small choices contributes to greater nervous system regulation. 

 

 18:42

I want you to think about that when you are slowing down to make intentional choices, you are accessing your cognition, you are working on your own mind mastery, bit by bit, you are shifting the way you think in the small moments, which shifts the way you think in the long term. 

 

 19:02

In those small moments, you are helping yourself to feel more supported emotionally. You are making choices that are in support of your emotional well-being. As you take this in and think about it today, I want you to notice the ripple effect that these small choices will have as one small shift leads to another. 

 

 19:29

I want you to think about trusting the compounding effect of these small choices in the small moments. And I want you to think about how these small moments and these small choices will have a ripple effect on everyone else you come in contact with in your life as you create these true changes from the inside out. 

 

 19:52

Alright, that's what I've got for you. What are the tiny choices you can make more often that will align with the life you are building? And will you today commit to making these tiny choices more often? 

 

 20:06

I would love to hear from you. Please hop over to my Instagram and make comments on this episode. What are the tiny choices you're making? How is it going to make a difference? And I cannot wait to talk with you on next week's episode.