Intro: Welcome to The Masterful Coach podcast, with Molly Claire, where coaches learn skill mastery, business mastery, and life mastery at a whole new level. If you’re serious about creating a meaningful coaching business that makes a difference, you’re in the right place. And now your host, master life and business coach, Molly Claire.

Hey, coach. This episode is a re-broadcast of the Mom Coach episode, which aired last summer. So as this is airing right now, it is January 11th, 2023, and today we are actually having our first live call for my soon-to-be advanced certified coaches in motherhood and family life coaching. So I wanted to share with all of you this episode that shares some really specific key things to help you become a better coach for those of you who coach moms.

Now, if you don't coach moms, don't go yet. I always make connections between what I'm speaking about and what may apply to you and your niche. So if you are interested in being a better coach, giving a better experience to your clients, this episode is for you. Here we go.

So let’s talk first about those surface level issues that your clients come to you with things like: “I’m overwhelmed by my schedule, I can’t juggle it all. There’s never enough time.” Right time and not having enough energy are some key things that your clients come to you with. Those are some of the key issues. And if you’re listening to this podcast, most likely you’re interested in having a really deep level of coaching experience for your clients. And many of you do cognitive causal coaching.

And so I want to talk about this idea in the value of addressing those seemingly surface level issues with your clients. And how that can be helpful, and how it can also become a distraction. Because I think oftentimes, we see both ends of the spectrum. I hear coaches who are really more focused on practical, tangible time management tips, and that’s the place they’re working from, which is a useful place. It can definitely be a useful place. But some of them focus only on that aspect.

Now, the other side of this is coaches who I speak with, who are always wanting to dive deeper into thoughts, into emotions, and spend a lot of time and energy, and sometimes almost a power struggle with their clients, to get their client to see that it is not the circumstance—if you’re using that cognitive model—it is not the circumstance, or it is not these things, it is only your thoughts and emotions about it. And sometimes people sway so far to that side, that as a coach, you can really miss out on opportunities to serve your clients.

So let’s talk about why surface level can be useful. One of the things that I do as I train coaches in this area, is helping them to see how some new strategies and tactics around time, around managing energy, around all of those things that seem to be surface level systems in place can be very helpful. Why is this? Number one, your client can get some immediate quick wins, they can implement some things that are going to give them some results right away.

Now, we know that over time, that initial effort that they made, may move backwards, right. And that’s often when it opens up opportunities to go a little deeper with the client. But first of all, your client is going to get some quick wins. This creates motivation, this creates buy-in to the process, this creates a level of confidence, and this creates a level of hope for your client. So don’t discount those quick wins. The other thing that some of this surface level work can do is it actually can eliminate some of that surface level clutter that is actually in the way of them seeing what is going on for them at a deeper level.

And so the other thing to keep in mind as you’re doing more surface level work with your client is understanding and finding out where are the opportunities to go deeper with this client. But first of all, your client is going to get some quick wins. This creates motivation, this creates buy-in to the process, this creates a level of confidence. And this creates a level of hope for your client. So don’t discount those quick wins.

The other thing that some of this surface level work can do is it actually can eliminate some of that surface level clutter that is actually in the way of them seeing what is going on for them at a deeper level. And so the other thing to keep in mind as you’re doing more surface level work with your client is understanding and finding out where are the opportunities to go deeper with this client.

The other reason that surface level work, and tangibles, and strategies is so important, is sometimes your clients simply don’t have the knowledge or skill set to manage those practical, tangible things in their life in a better way. And so we always want to remember that our clients come from different backgrounds, different natural talents and abilities and different skill sets. And so we want to make sure that we’re never under estimating the power in simply teaching some of those things.

The last thing I want to offer in terms of the power in those surface level tangibles is that simply by meeting your client where they are, you will be able to establish that relationship with the client. One of the things that we’re doing in the Advanced Certification is really helping you as a coach to be able to understand how to establish a powerful relationship with your client, because it is everything, and the more mindful you can be of that, the better. So surface level – those tangibles, those practicals are so useful in all of those ways.

Now, when does it become a distraction? It can become a distraction if your client is perpetually creating busyness and chaos at a surface level, to distract from what’s going on for them underneath. Now, this still isn’t a problem to focus on the surface level. The key is for you as a coach to be aware of the relationship between those surface level challenges that they have, and what’s going on underneath for them.

And there isn’t an exact formula for how you can know if those tangibles, practical strategies are a distraction or not. But I want to offer you that you will know as you continue to master your craft of coaching, master your art of coaching and your intuitiveness, you will be able to know. So I just want to bring it to your attention to be mindful of.

Next thing I want to talk with you about that is so important to do with your clients is always remembering that self-work is the foundation of all relationships. I talked about this on a recent episode, knowing who you are as a coach. And that idea that you want to help your client know themselves. And what I’m talking about here is that oftentimes, your clients that are looking for help in the mom space, in the family space, are often challenged with, they feel challenged with relationships in the family dynamic.

And one thing that your clients will struggle to know and remember and realize, and often even we, as coaches forget this, is that the self-work and the self-connection truly is the foundation for all relationships. Because our self-talk, our relationship with our self, will be somewhat mirrored in the relationship we have with others. And the challenges that we experience in relationships with others, always come back to something within us. Now, that’s not to say that it’s our fault. If someone in a relationship that we’re in does a behavior where we believe we’re being mistreated, or something negative, or what you would consider perhaps toxic in a relationship is happening, this is not to say that this is your fault, or this is your clients’ fault. But rather, that anytime you are working with your client on those relationships in parenting with a spouse or partner, any of those family dynamics, the self-work is the foundation for all of it.

And so you can ask yourself now, am I doing enough self-work with my client, their work with themselves to create a powerful solid foundation for other relationships? In simple terms, think about how difficult it is to engage in a positive way in relationships and in our life, when we feel totally out of sorts. Especially in the mom space. Those of you that are listening, if you have kids, and your kids emotions are all over the place and yours are all over the place, how are we supposed to be a steady force for them? We can’t, right?

And so we all know that when we are more settled, when we are more grounded, when we are more confident and connected and okay with ourselves, that is when we are the most powerful. So while there are things you can do with your client, with parenting, and regard to other relationships in the family, always having that self-work as the foundation is the key.

Next thing I want to talk about - individual knowing for your client should create connection instead of disconnection. What do I mean by this? As you’re working with your client, in relation to family relationships, it is very powerful to help your client to see that it is not their child’s behaviors, their child’s words, or their child’s emotions that are causing them to have the experience they are having. We want to make sure that our client is not giving away their power to everyone and everything around them.

However, sometimes this can get very off track. And what happens is that if as a coach, you are always showing your client that they are very separate from everyone else in their lives and from these relationships, and this idea that no one else can ever make them think or feel anything, goes to such an extreme, that oftentimes, your client will actually close off from connection. As you’re listening, have you ever experienced that? This is what this might look like: child is doing something I don’t like. What I do is essentially emotionally turn away from them, and tell myself, they can’t make me feel anything. This is their problem. This is not about me, and I disconnect from the child.

Now sometimes this can be useful to give space. However, what I want to offer to you is that as you’re working with your clients, how do you create a space for them, where they have that individual connection, and they understand that their child’s behaviors don’t have to make them feel or act or be a certain way, but they can still stay in connection with their child, with their spouse? Hopefully, you’re hearing this distinction. Yes, we want to understand where our power is, that finding our power doesn’t mean separating from others. Having our power and allowing your client to find her power actually allows us to be in better connection in relationships.

And so as you’re doing this work of individual knowing for your client, and as you’re helping them differentiate themselves from others, make sure that you are also creating that connection. I go in depth in this in the certification, of course, so those of you that are going to be on that list, definitely, we will be talking more about that.

Next up, let’s talk about the fact that the mom role opens up fears and insecurities and what an opportunity it is. Now, it brings up unique opportunities, and those of you listening that aren’t in this space… And we could say the same thing about the role of a dad, the role of a business owner, the role of your client in an experience, where it is challenging them to the core. And for those of you that work with women in the motherhood role, there is inevitably going to be fears and insecurities there, you all know this, right?

And the reason I’m bringing this up is that this is such an opportunity for your client, all of the things that they think are a challenge, are a frustration, are causing problems in their life that come up in that space, all of them, all of them are there for them, and provide opportunities for them to see what healing they need to experience, for them to see what beliefs they would do well to release. It’s an opportunity for them to see what insecurities, fears, doubts, they might want to let go of, once and for all.

Now, while most of you are probably aware of this, teaching this idea to your client can change their framework entirely of the work that you are doing. And so even though you know this, I think having this as a framework or a foundation of the work that you’re doing will allow your client to not feel so threatened by those things that come up.

Last thing I want to talk about validation over dismissiveness all day long. When you are working with women and motherhood navigating this space, you want to create a very open and safe space that you are holding for your clients. And you can absolutely validate that they’re having a certain experience of their life without validating that as the only experience. You can absolutely validate that they are having certain thoughts and emotions without validating their thoughts as absolute truth.

And I want to caution you against ever using the tools that you practice to dismiss your clients’ thoughts, to dismiss your clients’ experience, to dismiss your clients’ emotions. When you are working with your clients, whether in the mom space, or any other space where your client needs that safe space, which, by the way, is most of your niches, right? Make sure that you have that space where you are holding that soft space of validation for who they are and what they are experiencing, while showing them what’s possible, while showing them an objective view. And I promise you that all of that can be done without one bit of dismissiveness. And that is how you will best serve your clients.

All right, Coach, that’s what I’ve got for you. I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode. Those of you that are interested in the Advanced Certification, it is going to be amazing. I am so excited about all of it. And training is going to be the first portion of it, training, implementing, and then from there, support and I’m going to be helping you up close and personal with your clients and where you’re getting stuck. So hope to see many of you there. And I’ll talk to you next week. Have a good one.

Outro: Thanks for listening to The Masterful Coach Podcast. If you’re ready for complete support as you build your coaching business, check out Molly’s collaborative community, The Masterful Coach Collective, it’s a place where you’ll have access to the best experts in the biz, community support and guidance as you build your perfect business 90 days at a time. Visit www.mollyclaire.com for details.