00:45

Welcome to this week's episode where we are talking about one of the most important things you will do as you take steps toward creating your ideal life. 

 

 00:58

This, of course, applies to your clients as well. As someone who is a catalyst for change, leading change in your own life, there are so many small concepts and principles that, when understood well, make the changes you are seeking so much easier. 

 

 01:20

So, today, we're talking about the power of no. We're talking about your level of comfort and willingness to say no. And we're talking about really opening up your understanding of just how powerful saying no is. 

 

 01:38

Because truly, the most important things that you are craving in your life, the biggest transformations that you are making, can and will happen as you're willing to say no to the things that do not serve that higher purpose or that next level. 

 

 01:58

So, take a minute right now. If you're able to, close your eyes to think about this. If you're driving, just still stay with me and imagine this anyway, but do not close your eyes, please. I want you to just take a minute to think about what is cluttering up your life. 

 

 02:13

It could be in your physical space. It could be with obligatory yeses that you say more often than you'd like to admit or see. It could be people-pleasing. It could be hanging on to too many things, people, places, responsibilities in your life, because either it feels uncomfortable to let them go or you just really can't imagine another way. 

 

 02:43

Now, as you're thinking about this clutter, mental, emotional, physical, spiritual clutter, I want you to imagine for just a minute being able to release even just a few of these things, a little less responsibility, fewer obligations, fewer things to manage, to attend to, to take care of, to respond to. 

 

 03:13

And if you're able to imagine just a slight lifting or lessening of this, notice how that experience feels for you. Now, if you weren't able to do it, I'm going to come back to that in a minute, but if you were able to, if you were able to feel this lightening, this lessening, I want you to notice what energy and resources are available to you simply in the imagining of the letting go. 

 

 03:49

Now, this is a big deal because this is like a teaser, a little bit of a glimmer of what is possible as you are able to build your own muscle of saying no. We're going to talk more about what this means, but this matters because I believe, I have seen, I have experienced personally and with thousands of clients that when you are able to boldly claim what you want and back it up with a willingness to say no to things that do not align, that is when your greatest light, gifts, resources, and abilities can truly come to the surface, can truly bring the impact that you want, and can create the quality of life that you are craving. It is a big deal, and we're going to talk specifics in just a minute here. 

 

 04:49

But before I do, for those of you that are listening and you're thinking, Molly, I couldn't even begin to imagine having less of them. I can't even go there. I immediately have results. What I want to tell you is that's okay, that's very normal. 

 

 05:06

It shows that your body and your brain, everything within you is doing the best that it can to keep you safe. So if you felt resistance, it's not a problem, don't worry about it. Stay with me here as we talk about these three different types of nose and let's be open to the idea that some of these ideas can begin to percolate in your mind, can settle in, invite in some awareness and some insights to see exactly what your next step can be. 

 

 05:36

In just a minute, I'm going to talk about three specific types of nos, but first let's talk about nature for a minute and the incredible lessons that we can learn as we see the miraculous world around us. 

 

 05:52

So let's think about a forest clearing analogy. When a tree falls and opens up the forest canopy, what happens? Light streams in, new plants that couldn't grow in the shade suddenly sprout. Think about this in your life. 

 

 06:14

A clearing makes light possible. Light makes growth possible. And when I think about light in terms of you and me as human beings, when I clear space in my life, when I clear out the clutter, it allows me to be in a place of greater peace, right? 

 

 06:34

It's going to allow my nervous system, which by the way, we need to work with the nervous system to make sure that it's comfortable with this new space and clearing, right? Which we can continue to talk about and have talked about on past episodes. 

 

 06:48

But coming back to this point that when we create this clearing and when we are able to work with our nervous system to feel a sense of safety, it puts us into a parasympathetic nervous system response. 

 

 07:01

What does this mean? This means greater wisdom, greater creativity, greater problem solving, greater clarity. Let's talk about another analogy. Water finds openings. Water always flows to the lowest and most open place. 

 

 07:20

Water doesn't have to be forced to go where it goes. It moves toward what's open and ready to receive. Let's think about this for you. Just like water, aligned experiences move toward availability. If we have more available mental, emotional space, we're going to be able to bring in those things that are more important to us that require our attention. 

 

 07:47

We all know what this is like, right? We're so busy and cluttered up with the nonsense and with the little things that the things we most care about aren't getting the attention. We've got to create that space, thinking about why, right? What is the most open place? How can we open space to receive the things we're really wanting to have be present in our life? Let's talk about one more, the controlled burn. So in some forests, fire is intentionally used to clear out dense undergrowth. 

 

 08:18

Now this is done not to destroy but actually to regenerate. Only when the old is cleared can the ecosystem renew. Intentional clearing leads to healthier growth. So as you take in these examples, I want you to think about this idea that nature doesn't rush to fill every empty space with noise or clutter like we do, but rather it responds to space with energy, opportunity, and life. 

 

 08:43

In the same way, when we clear space in our lives, mentally, emotionally, relationally, we create the conditions for something new to move toward us. Let's talk about type one of no. Number one, the misaligned no. 

 

 09:02

Take a minute to think about a situation in your life or business that maybe seems like it would be a really good opportunity. Almost like there's something in your mind saying to you, you really should do this, you really should take advantage of this. 

 

 09:18

And yet, internally, at an emotional or intuitive level, something about it just feels a little off, just feels a little misaligned. When I'm talking about this misaligned no, I'm talking about opportunities that don't truly fit who you are or what you value, even if you can't quite articulate it. 

 

 09:41

This is really about saying no to people, experiences or opportunities that look good on paper, but feel off inside, okay? So, I want you to think about either something that is present for you now or something you've experienced in the past. 

 

 09:59

And if you're coming up with the scenario and feeling it in real-time, I want you to think about this. When we say no to these type of opportunities, this is saying no to misalignment. This is saying, I say yes to things in my life that align with me energetically, emotionally, spiritually, morally. 

 

 10:23

And this type of no does often involve intuition. It involves us listening to that gut knowing this isn't quite right for me. And I want to make it clear that this doesn't have to be someone that is a bad or wrong person. 

 

 10:37

And I think this is where we can get tripped up a little bit. We get very caught in this black and white thinking and we say, well, I mean, I know they're a good person or I know this is a good thing. 

 

 10:46

It doesn't matter. There can be plenty of good people. Most people are good in my belief and there are plenty of good values. But if something is not aligned with your values, your priorities or where you are energetically or spiritually. 

 

 11:03

It's allowed to be a no. So take that in for a minute and either think about a time when you walked away from something that seemed good, but you knew it wasn't right, and think about the power in that. Or think right now about a situation in your life now. 

 

 11:21

Maybe you have something immediately coming to mind. Are you willing to say no to something that's misaligned, even if it makes sense on paper or even if there's a part in you saying that you should? 

 

 11:33

Because you are committed to saying yes to things that fully align with you. All right, let's talk about the second type of no here, the short-term temptation, but it's a no. So recently, I had a fantastic opportunity presented to me. 

 

 11:54

It was an opportunity to work with a company which I very much admire, the CEO who I very much admire, and it could have been an opportunity to actually open a lot of doors. Now the problem is that along with this opportunity was a level of compensation that does not align or make sense for what I charge or where I'm going with my business. 

 

 12:22

The other problem with this opportunity is that what they were asking of me, the way they were wanting to implement helping their team, I knew was not a match for my greatest gifts and abilities, meaning if they were to give me the task of saying this is the problem that we're solving, my recommendation for how it would be solved would be a very different format and approach than what they were looking for. 

 

 12:51

And this is what I knew in this situation. I could say yes to this and yes, it would bring some money right now. Yes, I would feel flattered and validated that they wanted me to do this. Yes, this might open up opportunities. 

 

 13:06

And yes, I could compromise and deliver the service the way they want it to be delivered. Here's the problem with that. I cannot in good conscience deliver something that I know is going to be less than effective. 

 

 13:23

Okay. Also, because of the commitment that I have made in terms of compensation and direction of my business, I cannot in good conscience betray myself in this way and compromise and minimize and make this choice. 

 

 13:39

Because I'm either afraid of losing the opportunity, I'm afraid of what this person may think of me, or that I'm doing it out of obligation and believing I don't have a choice. The reason that I love giving you this example is because many things about this opportunity were exciting, were aligned, were flattering. 

 

 14:02

And yet because I'm so solid in the direction of my business and I'm so committed to always delivering the services that I know I can deliver to the highest degree, it had to be a no. So this is where we say no to something that looks good right now or might give us a temporary hit of validation or excitement, but it's not aligned with where you're going. 

 

 14:27

This means saying no to things that offer quick wins, comfort, or immediate validation when they don't serve the long term. This requires clarity on long-term vision because without it, we're merely saying yes to the wrong things too often. 

 

 14:41

Okay? And this is a no that may be difficult now, but trust me, it sets you up for success later. And I can say for me in this situation, it felt really uncomfortable to say no, and yet because I have become so anchored in where I'm going and what matters to me and the opportunities that I want to say yes to, more of me was committed to that than this part of me that was saying, oh, maybe we should do this. 

 

 15:10

I think that's really important as well. The more you can anchor in where you're going, the more powerful. Now, I want to say one thing, and that is that it is also true that sometimes we do take an opportunity that can give some compensation now, gives opportunities now, that isn't totally aligned with where we're headed. 

 

 15:33

And I want to make this distinction because, for example, I have one of my clients who is building her coaching business, and that is going really well. And one of the things she did along the way was she started doing some contract work helping me with promoting podcast speaking engagements, and she started doing this for some others. 

 

 15:53

Now, the reason why she did this, it's not totally in line with where she's going, and yet she could feel and knew that at the time this presented itself, it was a good opportunity to bring in some compensation, bring in some money now. 

 

 16:08

And many things about it were actually in support of learning what she needed to about the business. So I say this because sometimes something you say yes to now may not be completely on the path or trajectory, and yet you will still know that it is an important part of your journey and an important thing to do. 

 

 16:28

And I did more things like that early on that I do now, but just trust yourself to be able to distinguish. All right, we're going to talk about the last no. This is the clutter.  This is about the people, the relationships, the obligations, the opportunities in your life, in your business that maybe don't seem like a big deal, but they're also not really adding to where you are headed. I want you to take a minute to think about your physical space. And hopefully you have one of these. 

 

 17:05

I want you to think about something in your house or your office, something that's there that's just kind of taking up space. Maybe, for example, imagine a decor item that you don't love it, you don't hate it, but it's fine and it's there. 

 

 17:20

And sometimes you've thought about getting rid of it, but week after week, month after month, year after year, it just sits there and it gets dusty and you dust it off. And it's really just taking up space. 

 

 17:34

I assure you that there are people, relationships, obligations and activities in your life that exist and they're just okay. They're not fantastic, but they also don't really seem to be a problem. And so it's easy for them to just stay in the mix of your life. 

 

 17:56

As you're thinking about this, this is what I want to offer you. Go back to these ideas when thinking about nature and imagine that powerful water flowing to what's most open. What if we could clear out a few more objects in the way? 

 

 18:13

Think about that clearing in the forest. Imagine some unnecessary blockage of the light. Imagine being willing to move it out of the way and allow a little more light. I am 100% convinced that as you are a little more intentional about where you spend your time, your energy, where you invest and what you allow into your life and the more willing you are to create space and say no to the things that are not in service of your higher purpose, that are not in service of the path where you are headed. Clearing the things that are not in support of your own values and priorities. The more willing you are to do this, the more aligned your life will be. 

 

 19:10

The more spaciousness, the more peace and the more you do this, the more capable you will feel of saying no. As we wrap up today, take a minute to think about where are the things, people, places, objects, opportunities in my life. 

 

 19:32

Where are those things that I could really clear out? What is one small thing I'm willing to say no thank you to? And how can I become more? clear, and anchored in where I'm going, what I want, what matters to me, and what my values are, that saying no to these things more often becomes easier, even effortless. 

 

 20:03

So if you're feeling overwhelmed, off track, uncertain, or cluttered, it's most likely not because you need more, it's probably because you need a few of these bold nos. As you take this in and reflect on it, send me a DM on Instagram, tell me, what are you saying no to? 

 

 20:22

What are you making room for? And I would love to hear how you are going to reaffirm to yourself that all that you want, all that you desire to have in your life will have a place as you continue to say no to what does not align for you. 

 

 20:40

That's what I've got for you. I'll talk with you next week.