What female biz owners need: The "care gap" solution with Sarah Walton
May 29, 2024
Follow the show:
Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify | iHeart Radio | Amazon Music | RSS
In this episode of "The Masterful Coach," Molly Claire and Sarah Walton dive into the societal pressures and expectations placed on women. They tackle the notion of the invisible load of emotional and mental work carried by women, shedding light on the exhausting cycle of being praised for selflessness while juggling countless responsibilities. Sarah's personal example of explaining the mental load of running a household to her son resonates deeply, emphasizing the need to recognize and appreciate the unseen efforts of mothers and women.
Molly and Sarah stress the crucial importance of acknowledging the valid feelings of tiredness and overwhelm faced by women, debunking the misconception that such emotions equate to laziness. They highlight statistics demonstrating the persistent disparity in household and emotional labor, even in dual-income households, calling for a shift in societal attitudes.
As Molly and Sarah navigate the complexities of gender expectations and the impact on women's well-being, their candid and empathetic conversation offers support and recognition. They encourage listeners to celebrate the essential role of all mothers, especially those whose tireless work often goes unnoticed.
"We need more money in the hands of more women. Because when there's more money in the hands of women, we do awesome stuff." Sarah Walton
Guest Bio
Sarah Walton is a keynote speaker, business coach, and sales expert who has been featured on The Today Show, speaks at women’s conferences all over the world and has helped hundreds of women start and grow businesses they LOVE.
She’s the voice behind the Game on Girlfriend Podcast, and she’s known for her LIVE “Coffee With Coach” streaming video conversations and weekly “Sarah Uncut” videos. Sarah has become a go-to source of inspiration, no-nonsense teaching and practical integration for women in business. She’s created a successful business and now speaks across the nation, offering her courses and workshops, which are designed to put more money in the hands of more women.
Connect and Resources
CONNECT WITH MOLLY CLAIRE
Apply for Master Coach Training 2024: A holistic, high-level training so your coaching can exceed your client’s wildest expectations. www.mollyclaire.com/mct-apply
Masterful Coach Foundations + The 10K Accelerator Method: Designed for mission-centered Life Coaches who are ready to build a profitable and purposeful business? mollyclaire.com/foundations.
Have a question or thoughts about the podcast? Don’t hesitate to contact Molly at:
Molly’s book: The Happy Mom Mindset: mollyclaire.com/book
Please help Molly reach even more like-minded individuals! Simply post a review of the podcast on your favorite platform (or two). It is so appreciated.
Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify | iHeart Radio | Amazon Music | RSS
Full Episode Transcript:
Voice Over [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the Masterful Coach podcast with Molly Claire. If you're a coach who's ready to impact more lives, make more money, and create a life you love, you're in exactly the right place. Get the support you deserve as a female entrepreneur, master your coaching skills, grow your ideal business, and honor your priorities in your personal life. Are you in? Let's get started with your host, bestselling author and master life and business coach, Molly Claire.
Molly Claire [00:00:35]:
Hey, coaches. Today's interview with Sarah Walton of Game on Girlfriend is such an important topic. We are talking about the care gap among women and we're talking about how this impacts how much you as a female business owner are making in your business. It affects the extent to which you are burned out, stressed out, overworked, and maybe even struggling to meet your goals and create more ease in your life. This is such an important topic. And by the way, you're going to love Sarah. I connected with Sarah because we thought we would be a great fit to go on each other's podcasts. And isn't it so fun when you connect with someone and realize maybe perhaps you were meant to be business BFF's? So Sarah is amazing.
Molly Claire [00:01:29]:
This is such a great episode. I know you're going to love it. I want to let you all know that enrollment for Master Coach Training is open. We are finalizing enrollment this week. For those of you that want to join, continued education calls this summer, listen to me. Master Coach training is an unmatched experience. Every single one of my students in there is having deep personal transformations. What I keep hearing time and again from every one of them is how much better and easier their experience of their life and business is.
Molly Claire [00:02:04]:
It is a nurturing, supportive experience that truly allows you as a coach and as a CEO and as a human being first and foremost, to have the deep transformation that you can then lead the way as you help your client to change their life, change themselves inside and out, and create exactly what they want with in regard to their goals. So check out mollyclaire.com. there is a video there. Watch the video, submit your application. And we are going to have an incredible, incredible journey starting in September. So again, if you want to be a part of continued education calls this summer, do not delay. We are finalizing that. All right, coaches, get ready for an awesome interview.
Molly Claire [00:02:54]:
All right, coaches, so I have Sarah Walton here of the Game on Girlfriend podcast and more. Hello, Sarah. Welcome.
Sarah Walton [00:03:03]:
Molly. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so happy to be here. So happy.
Molly Claire [00:03:08]:
We had so much fun when you interviewed me that we just, we had to do it again. So maybe we'll just keep going back and forth, and our audience will just hear the two of us.
Sarah Walton [00:03:19]:
I'm so game for that. Let's do it. I'm in.
Molly Claire [00:03:23]:
Okay, so, Sarah, tell my audience, what do you do and why do you love it?
Sarah Walton [00:03:28]:
Well, I know we don't have all the time in the world, but the bottom line is, my motto is that I put more money in the hands of more women, and I do that through business slash life coaching. I really do deep dive onto our relationship to money, and I talk a lot about our pricing and what we're offering the world and why that's what we're choosing to offer the world and really creating not just a sense of purpose, because I don't believe in. I believe, you know...
Molly Claire [00:03:54]:
What was that? You don't believe in what?
Sarah Walton [00:03:56]:
The purpose. Right. Like, the big in lights. Here's my purpose.
Molly Claire [00:04:00]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, this is the purpose.
Sarah Walton [00:04:02]:
Yeah. It's like, in this moment, I really feel this urge to, like, text my old friend Joe from accounting. I don't know, like, being in that. And then you make his day, or he introduces you to someone who needs your help. Like, that's what we all do on purpose all the time. And I think that's so important. And I do this, and this is so critical to me as a human because I was raised in an incredibly poor environment. I look back on it now.
Sarah Walton [00:04:28]:
I don't. Well, if you've ever had that experience where you're like, "I'm sorry, you did what when you raised me, now?" But, like, we had no money. I was raised with a single mother, and my younger half brother was was living with us. And, I mean, there were times we would have, you know, like, half a loaf of bread and a jar of honey at- The end. No mustard, no cat- Like, that was it.
Sarah Walton [00:04:51]:
And when I wanted to join the dance team when I was 16, because where I was raised, there wasn't much else to do, so. So I did. And, um, you know, I made the team, which was exciting. I learned dance from watching Paula Abdul and Janet Jackson in the basement. Yes. I'm that old.
Molly Claire [00:05:06]:
Oh, my gosh, the best.
Sarah Walton [00:05:08]:
I could throw a chair with the best of them, like, get out the way. I can dance with cartoon characters. Yeah, it was kind of like that. And I. You know, I just wanted to dance so badly. And once I made the team, which was amazing, I worked so hard to get on that team, is, you know, they send the letter with, like, how much it's going to cost. And I don't know if you've ever had one of those moments where you have, like, an out of body experience and you watch yourself go through something, but that's what that was like, I like, remember my mouth went dry, my hands got sweaty, my stomach dropped through the floor, and it was like, I can't do this.
Sarah Walton [00:05:39]:
This is something I've wanted to do since I was five. I cannot do this. What I did is I went and got a job at the mall. It was the eighties. It was cool. If you don't know what a mall is, just think Stranger Things. And anyway, so I got a job at, like, a little kiosk in the mall, and I'm so super excited. And I went to go cash my check, and at the time, I didn't have a bank account, but you could, like, cash checks at grocery stores.
Sarah Walton [00:06:00]:
This was a thing. They had a service desk, and they actually, you know, served people. This was nice. So I walked in with my little check in my hand, and as we're walking in, my mom said, "Sarah, the strawberries are on sale. Can we get some?" So I'm thinking of my costume, right, that I've wanted since I was five. I'm thinking costume, I'm thinking of the strawberries, and I'm like, I can do both. This is amazing. So I said, go get the strawberries.
Sarah Walton [00:06:22]:
I went to go get my check cash. I now have the money in hand. And I go to find my mom in the express checkout, and she's not there. And I'm looking up and down and up and down, and I find her in line with a cart full of groceries. And in that cart is, like, lunch meats and bread for my brother's lunches, you know, his favorite breakfast cereal, some milk, the damn strawberries, right? And I'm standing there and I'm like, I can pay for these groceries, or I can pay for something I wanted my whole life, but I can't do both. And that was the day I decided I can take care of my family or I can take care of myself. And I know that's what I decided as I was only 16, but I made that very clear decision all the way up to follow me. I'm the only woman in my family.
Sarah Walton [00:07:07]:
I have 65 cousins. I'm the only one in my family to have gotten a college degree. I moved to New York City. I now have this killer job. I've got this gorgeous glass corner office. I'm sick all the time I never see my children, I'm totally miserable. But guess what? My family's being taken care of because I decided I could only do one or the other.
Molly Claire [00:07:25]:
Yes.
Sarah Walton [00:07:26]:
That was the day in my office when I was hearing the clock tick in my little office, like, ticking away the seconds of my life, right? I'm like, oh, my God. I decided this- It was like this really wild moment in the middle of New York City. I'm like, I did this. Wait a minute. But if I did this, I can undo it. And as I was building that career all this time, I would walk into business meeting after business meeting, you know, talking about morale, talking about ethics, talking about the work environment, talking about financial projections. And I was like, why am I the only woman in this room? This is like fourth grade math.
Sarah Walton [00:08:00]:
Oh, and by the way, ethics and morale and company environment. Like, we kill at this. Why am I the only one in here? And at that moment, I got up and quit. To be honest, there's, like, a Sarah shaped hole in the wall where I ran away. But I, like, took all of that knowledge I had, and I was like, I'm going to teach this to every freaking woman who will listen to me. Because we need to know how to do this. Because we need more money in the hands of more women. Because when there's more money in the hands of women, we do awesome stuff.
Sarah Walton [00:08:27]:
Nothing bad has ever happened when women have more money. We don't like to just the tips base. We don't do any of that stuff. We take care of other people. And I, you know, I watch us drop bombs within inches of where we want them to go. You cannot tell me we can't turn that into food, water, and medicine. And if we had women making these decisions, it would be food, water, and medicine, because we don't bomb each other's children.
Sarah Walton [00:08:52]:
And that's. You ask me why I do what I do. That's why I do what I do.
Molly Claire [00:08:57]:
This is the best introduction to a podcast ever. I mean, really seriously, because it's like. I mean, I just appreciate so much you sharing that, because it's, it's very true that across the board, I come, I come up against this all the time with my clients. I know I experienced this. Like, you can't have both. I can either make money or I can take care of my family.
Molly Claire [00:09:24]:
I can't have both. And I love that you had the wisdom and the insight to realize that there was a moment that you really solidified that belief for you and decided it didn't have to be true.
Sarah Walton [00:09:36]:
It's true.
Molly Claire [00:09:37]:
And, you know, one of the things that, that I'm always encouraging as a mindset for women that have these seemingly competing areas of their life is thinking about, what if, you know, your family life and your financial career life are in cooperation together, they're in cooperation of creating what you ultimately want for your experience of life rather than in competition. Right. Because it's really true. They are two pieces of the bigger picture of what we want our life to be like. Right.
Sarah Walton [00:10:13]:
Yeah.
Molly Claire [00:10:13]:
And as you were talking, I just, I love everything you said because that's the other thing I just want to pause and highlight that I hear all the time, especially with the women I work with who are coaches, because they're the helpers, they're the do gooders, and we have all of these crazy things mixed up with money. Like, we shouldn't want so much, we shouldn't charge so much, we shouldn't have so much. And it's like, no. Like, when I have more money, I do better things. And by the way, when I am not worried about money, how much energy do I have? I mean, like, give to all the best causes. So, I just, there are so many things about this that I love, and
Molly Claire [00:10:56]:
Yeah. So I just. I appreciate you sharing that as a reminder to everyone.
Sarah Walton [00:11:00]:
Yeah. I'm just going to drop one quick thing in there, too. If women are afraid to charge money and women don't make what they're worth, who benefits from that? So, one of my favorite questions to ask is, like, where did we learn that? And who's benefiting from us thinking that that's real?
Molly Claire [00:11:16]:
Yes.
Sarah Walton [00:11:18]:
Just saying.
Molly Claire [00:11:20]:
Yeah, I'm gonna like for everybody to do alone. I know.
Sarah Walton [00:11:23]:
I'm just.
Molly Claire [00:11:24]:
That's why I'm being quiet. I'm like, the space I'm making is like, let that question in. Let's just let it be there. Yeah. Okay. So, having given that a minute today, as we were talking before we started recording this episode for all of you, we decided to talk about something very relevant to this and yet, like, a little bit, in a way, a sidestep from the money piece. But this piece that, if not addressed, it's like, it goes back to that war between, right, the money and being able to take care of everyone. So, tell us.
Molly Claire [00:12:02]:
Tell my audience about the care gap.
Sarah Walton [00:12:06]:
Hmm. Just like, if I was a cartoon character, like, the smoke would come out of my ears right now. Like, this is the one where I'm like, ooga. Okay, so the care gap is the gap between men and women, as right as we're, ws we're right now in 2024. But the gap between men and women, as far as who's picking up the care, the care being the care of children, the care of a house, the care of pets, the administrative tasks that go along with running a home, the mental, physical, and emotional load of running life. That's what I call the care gap. And the gap is that women pick it up.
Sarah Walton [00:12:44]:
Is- I mean, and I'm being very general, and I understand that. And there's always an outlier. So people want to be angry and email me that. I got you. I hear you 100%. Um, and I am speaking generally, but even then, it still tends to be not even. Even if a man has chosen to pause his career to.
Sarah Walton [00:12:59]:
To fill the care gap. Awesome. It's still usually not quite equal. And part of this is, honestly, it's kind of cool, is physiological. And I'm sharing this just because it's important for us to know. So if you were born into a female body, we have more connective tissue in between the right and left hemispheres of our brain, which is just wild, but that allows us to cross pollinate, like, back and forth. People born into male bodies have less connective tissue, and that's why I always do this joke. I love this.
Sarah Walton [00:13:29]:
I have. I love men. Please don't hear this incorrectly. I love men. I have five brothers, have a son. Love men. But if you've ever asked a man to do something while they're watching tv, right? And they're like, but I'm watching tv. And you're like, oh, my dear God.
Sarah Walton [00:13:41]:
I'm carrying the baby. I'm taking out the trash, and I just took the dog for a walk. Could you please get- And you're like, I don't. And they're like, but I'm watching tv. Not trying to be a jerk. Their brains are wired to do one thing at a time, which, by the way, thank God, because we need that on the planet, right? Like, that's awesome. And our ability to be like, I'm grabbing my phone. For those of you who can't see, it's like you're talking phone.
Sarah Walton [00:14:01]:
Yeah. Could you get that? Did you get the chicken out? Yeah. Great. No, send that email later. Right. Meanwhile, we're doing all of that and walking and sent a text. Right. We just do that.
Sarah Walton [00:14:10]:
And we do that well, but that's what has us pick up that care gap, because we can see it. We're really good at it. And we just do it. But it's kind of by design. And that design, I'm going to use a phrase I did not coin. It's by, oh, my gosh, her name just flew out of my head. Her first name is Terry, and she wrote a really great book called the Boundary Boss, and she is a therapist in New York City. And in that book, she coins the phrase.
Sarah Walton [00:14:37]:
It's called high functioning codependence. I know. I see that every time I say that. Every woman goes, I have that. I'm like, I haven't defined it yet. They're like, yes, but I have it.
Molly Claire [00:14:47]:
We talk a lot about over functioning. And when we're talking about relationships, when we're, we're talking about, okay, let's focus on how you're helping your clients and their relationships. Over functioning is a huge problem.
Sarah Walton [00:15:00]:
It is. It is. Yeah. And we are, by nature, high functioners.
Molly Claire [00:15:05]:
Yes.
Sarah Walton [00:15:05]:
But the co dependence piece is a little bit more insidious. And I really love how this is talked about in Glennon Doyle's book. Untamed is so great. Where she really talks about how women refer to each other as selfless. Oh, she's so selfless. And that's a good thing. Woman has no self. Let's reward that and talk about how great she is. Right.
Sarah Walton [00:15:27]:
And before these books were written, I would say to people, like, isn't it amazing when a dad comes to help out with lunch or help out with some school activity? Everybody's like, oh, my God, you're so amazing. You're so great. And you're standing there going, dude, I've been here every day for three months, right? That's all this is dealing with the care gap, but it's also dealing with the way society is set up. And that from a very young age, we hear as females, right, that we hear this, like, don't cry, where's my pretty girl? You should smile more. All those things that we hear, even as a young girl, what you learn is, my emotions are bothering somebody. I shouldn't have them. And that message is, your emotions are bothering me.
Sarah Walton [00:16:09]:
Please stop. And so we learn to tuck them away. And the more we tuck them away, the more we're rewarded. She's amazing. She's killing it. Have you seen her? She looks amazing. She runs around and you're dying inside.
Molly Claire [00:16:22]:
Yes. And one I always heard was, oh, Molly, she's so responsible. That's what I realized. And it seems so good, right? Like a compliment. She's so responsible. And then, like, as I untangle all this. I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, she's so responsible.
Molly Claire [00:16:38]:
How can I be more responsible? I'm like, no wonder that I end up being overly responsible in, like, not healthy ways, right?
Sarah Walton [00:16:44]:
Yep. Because you get rewarded. That's the codependence piece.
Molly Claire [00:16:47]:
Yes.
Sarah Walton [00:16:48]:
So we're naturally high functioning, and then it's like, oh, that's helping all of society keep up that invisible, unpaid work. Please. It makes everybody's life great. And please don't have emotions while you do it.
Molly Claire [00:16:57]:
Yeah.
Sarah Walton [00:16:57]:
And so we go, okay. And it's really, we as women, really, I think it's so important we have these conversations because we need to support each other in breaking these invisible expectations. Right. I'm just sort of being like, are you okay? And watch, when you ask a mom that, are you okay? They're like, well, my kids are this, my- It's like, no, are you okay?And it sometimes, because we're so selfless, it can take us a hot second to get back to, am I okay? Like, you can watch people, like, 'did you pee today?' and they're like, 'uh, I don't know.' You know, so really helping each other and not judging each other when that happens, but really to lift any shame off of that, to lift that up as high as we can, I just be like, dude, I got you. I see you. I know.
Sarah Walton [00:17:41]:
And you know what? Let's together figure out how we stop this. Don't take out the trash tonight. Ask someone else to do that. I stopped doing my children's laundry when they turned six. They are responsible for their own. Like, there's. We don't have to do this this way. And that actually serves other people when we don't.
Molly Claire [00:17:57]:
Yeah. And as you were talking, I was thinking, like, I want to back up a little bit because I know you said you're talking in generalities, and for sure, there are outliers, and that's amazing. And they are the outliers. I do want to emphasize that because this isn't just, like, something that we're making up. Right?
Sarah Walton [00:18:14]:
Yeah.
Molly Claire [00:18:14]:
Statistics show that women, even in dual income households, in households where the woman is making more of the money, she is still carrying more of the load. And I don't know what the latest statistic is on that, but, I mean, it's, it's not something that we're just making up. So, yes, there are outliers, thank goodness. Hopefully that will become more than norm. But generally speaking, this is true. And the other thing I really want to highlight and all of my listeners those of you that are women, I want you to hear this, that these extra things that you are taking on, it's not just the things. It's not just the load of laundry or the dishes.
Molly Claire [00:18:59]:
It's not things that are necessarily quantifiable. But there is this whole space of this invisible load that, you know, Sarah mentioned that mental and emotional. I know. One of the things that they say is, like, even in the workplace, the women are the ones doing the activities that are connecting people, that are bringing, like, hey, let's help support this good cause. So I think there are so many emotional needs and things women are carrying that aren't tangible. And I want you to all remember that, that if you are tired and overwhelmed, there's probably a good reason.
Sarah Walton [00:19:35]:
There probably. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not lazy. You're doing enough. All that stuff.
Molly Claire [00:19:41]:
Yeah.
Sarah Walton [00:19:41]:
It's so funny, Molly. You're just reminding my son's about to go to college. Insert tears here. So I was just saying to him, because Mother's Day, right? And I was like, you have to understand the mental load of running a household. And they look like me like I had three heads, right? But I'm not going to raise somebody who's not going to know this is happening and affect it and jump in. He said, what do you mean? I said, do you know if the dog's been fed? It's like, no. I said, do you know when his next vet appointment is? He's like, no.
Sarah Walton [00:20:02]:
I said, do you know when your next doctor appointment? He's like, no. I said, do you know if the trash has been taken out? He's like, no. I go, what are we going to have for dinner? He's like, I don't know. I go, do you know if there's grocery shopping been done? He's like, no. I'm like, do you have electric bills been paid? He was like, his. I just saw his, like, brain explode. I said, that's there's no blame. This is what it takes to run a household.
Sarah Walton [00:20:19]:
And I just want you to understand, if you're not thinking of those things, someone else is.
Molly Claire [00:20:24]:
Someone else is. That's right.
Sarah Walton [00:20:26]:
Yeah, that's right. And so it was such a beautiful conversation, especially to have on Mother's Day, right? Cause I was like, you gotta understand why we have Mother's Day. And I was kind of strict with my children on Mother's Day this year, where I said, if there's any mom in your life, you need to text today to say, Happy Mother's Day. It doesn't have to be your mom. And they kind of, like I said, who's driven you somewhere? Who brought a snack during a practice? Who's taking you home when there was an extra test? Like, who's taking you early to address rehearsal or a choir rehearsal? Like, all these things. There are moms who are doing invisible, unpaid work in your life as well, and you need to recognize that they've made your life better.
Sarah Walton [00:21:04]:
Like, oh, my gosh. And then I got a text from my son's girlfriend a few minutes later, so I think they shared the news.
Molly Claire [00:21:09]:
Good, good. And those of you listening, that may not be moms as well. Women who are not moms are not exempt from from doing all of these kinds of activities. Absolutely right.
Sarah Walton [00:21:21]:
100%. Way to go. Yes.
Molly Claire [00:21:23]:
You know, as you were talking, I was thinking, too, just like last week in our in Master Coach Training, this- that we have a module all about motherhood, parenting, family life. And we talk so much about these things. And one of the questions that we discussed last week or a couple weeks ago was asking women, asking their clients, these moms, who they believe they are in relation to others. Right. And then who are they separate from that? Because that's a very hard question to answer. And when you were talking, that's what made me think of it as, like you say, how are you doing? Right? And we start talking about everyone else, but, like, where is the woman in this.
Molly Claire [00:22:08]:
In this chaotic mess of everyone else's needs and emotions? Right. We gotta find her in there. Yes.
Sarah Walton [00:22:15]:
A hundred percent. 100%. I really appreciate you saying that. That is such a good question, too.
Molly Claire [00:22:20]:
Yeah, yeah.
Sarah Walton [00:22:20]:
So important we think about those things and support each other in thinking about them, too. Right. If you got a friend who's, like, running around, like, spinning out is like, okay, where. Hi. You know, I mean, like, really being there for each other, because we've all been set up for this.
Molly Claire [00:22:34]:
Yes, yes.
Sarah Walton [00:22:35]:
Right? I mean, you know, the second you see that, you know, school gets out at three and most jobs don't get out till five, someone's being set up to fail somewhere. Right. The whole system is set up to not have some people succeed. It's not possible. So what are we going to do about that collectively? How can we support each other collectively through that?
Molly Claire [00:22:52]:
Yeah. And the other thing I wanted to highlight that you said even, you know, in your conversation with your son, like, if you're not thinking about these things, know that someone else is. And one thing I want to mention about that is, is this, this opens the door to this idea that if we are over functioning, if we are taking all of these things on, we don't leave a need for anyone else to think about it. Right?
Sarah Walton [00:23:21]:
Correct.
Molly Claire [00:23:22]:
And so I think this is where part of what we can do is to advocate for some of our needs, to ask for more help, to acknowledge that maybe we shouldn't be doing it all, right? Because I think it's, when we, it's like if we're always filling the gaps, then there's no gap to be filled. No one's going to see it. So.
Sarah Walton [00:23:45]:
Yeah, I think that's right. And it does. It does a disservice to everyone. Right. And we do. We see it in kids in college all the time. Right. They're like, what? What? How do I.
Sarah Walton [00:23:53]:
What? And I don't think we ever want to send our children out into the world that way. I think it's important for them, for spouses and to see the gender roles aren't real. Right. We can, anybody can do these are not gender specific jobs. Like, anybody can do these jobs and supporting us in believing that, too. Right. Because, I mean, I don't know about you.
Sarah Walton [00:24:11]:
When I became a mom, I want to be the best mom ever. Right. Which meant, like, killing myself. Right?
Molly Claire [00:24:16]:
Yes. Yeah.
Sarah Walton [00:24:17]:
And it took me a long time to undo that. And this is my job, and it took me a long time to undo that. Right. Like, we all really want to just be there for each other and drop any of that shame or judgment stuff because it's just not useful and it's so damaging. And we're all in the same game.
Molly Claire [00:24:31]:
Yeah.
Sarah Walton [00:24:31]:
We're all.
Molly Claire [00:24:32]:
Yeah. You know what? And I want to mention one other question that I thought was so good. So we had Lindsey Pullman. She's a coach that works in my program as well, and she was talking about societal conditioning and what we learn about ourselves as women. And we're in there, and we're like, it was just this amazing discussion. I actually was, I was listening to the replay, so I was, like, listening, and I'm like, oh, I wish I would have been there. I'm hearing all this, right? And one of the questions that she asked is just for us to think about, you know, what does it mean to you when you think about what's expected of you as a woman? And I remember when she said this, and I think this would be a question, you know, for all of you listening to think about, what is it? What do you think when you think about what's expected of you as a woman.
Molly Claire [00:25:20]:
And I can say for me, my answer to that was everything. Like, that was immediately what came to me. And I just felt all over, like, in my body. The sense of holding it all together, taking care of everything, taking care of everyone. And I think that's a lot of women's experience and maybe it doesn't have to be quite that way. Maybe we can make a shift.
Sarah Walton [00:25:44]:
Yeah. And that's. I think that's going to take us. I really do, because it's kind of like, did you ever see the matrix? I'm such a nerd. Oh, my gosh. Do you ever see the matrix?
Molly Claire [00:25:54]:
Yeah.
Sarah Walton [00:25:55]:
Like, Sarah, where are you going with this? You crazy? Crazy.
Molly Claire [00:25:57]:
No, no. I want to hear it.
Sarah Walton [00:25:58]:
Let's do it. So in the Matrix, they're talking about how there are humans who actually like the Matrix so much they'll try to keep other people in it. And it's like the woman with the red dress scene, if you haven't seen it, right, that they can distract you with stuff and then you realize you're stuck. And that the red, the woman in the red dress becomes an agent. Right. And I love that they're just really trying to explain, like, other people inside the Matrix want to keep the matrix going because it's what they know and it's comfortable. So don't rock the boat. They're going to like.
Sarah Walton [00:26:27]:
Right. And I think for all of us as women, right, it, this is watching where we say things like, she's so selfless. Where we say things like, God, she's amazing. Look at everything she does. Wait a minute. Is she okay? And am I rewarding her for not being okay? And because I really, we tend to have more conversations with each other than anything else.
Sarah Walton [00:26:52]:
Right. So if we can sort of do this with each other and support each other at this deeper. A little bit more like, it's almost like lifting the veil of ignorance a little bit. Right. Let's kind of crack through these invisible walls we've put up and see if we can't, like, reach through one of those walls and grab another woman and be like, you okay?
Molly Claire [00:27:08]:
I think it's gonna be important, you know, this, I know this is a little bit of a tangent, but I think it's worth mentioning. A good friend of mine, it was, I believe it was the 7th anniversary of when she lost her son. This was just recently she posted about it and she had this series of pictures that said this is what grief looks like. And you would see extreme tears, sobbing, and then you would see smiles, and they're with all the kids taking care of everything. And these pictures that seemed like everything was fine. And then at the end, it said, check on your strong friends to make sure they're okay. And I thought, oh, my gosh, right? Because sometimes I can say for them that for me, like, if you.
Molly Claire [00:27:56]:
What does it look like when Molly's in a crisis? You know what it looks like. Her hair's curled, she's got a big smile on her face, and everything looks amazing when Molly's in crisis. This is true, right? I mean, not always. Certainly there are times, but, but I think it's important that we- We really never know. And we do need to check in on each other and support each other a hundred percent.
Sarah Walton [00:28:19]:
Yeah. Okay. Can I go on one more tangent?
Molly Claire [00:28:22]:
Yes.
Sarah Walton [00:28:22]:
Okay. I have this horrible fear you're going to roll your eyes at me, but are you by any chance a Taylor Swift fan? Because I'm a little bit crazy.
Molly Claire [00:28:29]:
Okay. My daughter is obsessed. And so I listen. I listen with her. I'm there with you. I'm good. I may not know it all, but.
Sarah Walton [00:28:39]:
No, I mean, I have to be so straight with you. I think Taylor Swift has become my roman empire. Like, as a woman in business, I'm like, wow, she did it again. Oh, my gosh, she just did it again. And with, always with such excellence and so much creativity and staying true to herself. But she has a song on her latest album called 'I Can Do It With a Broken Heart.'
Molly Claire [00:28:57]:
Oh, I know. Yes. My daughter-
Sarah Walton [00:28:59]:
Yes, I've cried and sung it in my car by myself. But yes. Like, it's like one of those where it's like, for her to say that and share that emotion, I was like, good on you, Taylor. Way to go. Way to teach these young girls. This is what's expected of us. And just because you can. And she ends that song with, I'm miserable and no one even knows.
Sarah Walton [00:29:19]:
And I'm like, oh, my God. Like someone saying this out loud and sharing that without shame. I was like, thank God. And I just think it's really important. We got to keep continuing to pick up on that message and share with each other and call each other out, which is what she did, is I'm going to call out, you guys thought I was having the time of my life. This is what was actually happening. And I think that is so important.
Molly Claire [00:29:41]:
Yeah, I think so, too. I want to, and in just a minute, I'm going to, I would love for you to give, like, one or two suggestions of, like, where you think women can start and then, of course, tell everyone where to find you. But one of the things that I want to come kind of, again, full circle to the beginning of this is that I, you know, because Sarah was talking about, like, you don't have to choose, right? Like, I can have what I want and take care of my family. And. And one of the things that, that I think is crucial for all of us as women to know is I don't believe that we have to choose between our business or our passion, whatever that is, and our family. And yet this is distinctly different from having it all and doing it all and being it all.
Molly Claire [00:30:36]:
And so, and this is where I just want to make a plug for this because I don't, I don't think it's useful for us to feel spread thin and believe that way. And yet I also don't think we're limited. And I genuinely think the key is identifying what are the things, that small list of things that really matter to me, and then what are all the things that I'm going to let go of or get help with. Because I think that is how you really can have and create and achieve the things you truly desire without overdoing it, being spread thin, worn out and exhausted. And there is a difference. So I wanted to just, like, highlight that for all of you women listening.
Sarah Walton [00:31:19]:
I love that. I think that's so important. Because it is this BS we see. I can do everything all the time. No, no, no. That's not, that's not what we're saying. And I think sort of challenging the people around us to bring their best. Right.
Sarah Walton [00:31:33]:
Is actually part of that.
Molly Claire [00:31:35]:
Yes.
Sarah Walton [00:31:36]:
Like, when I taught my kids how to do their laundry, I wrote, there's- It's still on the laundry machine, which is funny because this was years ago- but it's a pink post-it that says, 'expectations: that you will get these things done, that there won't be clothes left here, this won't be happening. If we run out of laundry detergent, you know, you'll make a note, like, those are the expectations.' And I think sometimes when we're doing so much, and again, it's that high functioning. Right. We see so much. We can do so much. It's like, well, I can see it. And learning to take that pause and going, do I have to be the one to do it? And I do this with people in business all the time.
Sarah Walton [00:32:05]:
Like, do you have to be the person doing that? No. Okay. And I know it's super scary to hire people initially, all that stuff. Of course, but when you're talking about inside the family unit, you can practice there where it doesn't cost you money. If you want to run a business, right. You can practice there and then move it into business because especially as women were not compartmentalized. So how you're choosing to let the household run and let others come in and support is the same way that you'll end up running a business. So sort of important that we can do it there.
Sarah Walton [00:32:32]:
We can play, we can expand ourselves and learn these skill sets of delegating without being afraid we're going to break the bank, which I can get. So when someone's starting out or they're nervous or they're like, I have to do everything, they're not going to do it, right. I'm going to go, that's correct. They will not do it, right?
Molly Claire [00:32:50]:
They won't.
Sarah Walton [00:32:51]:
She's like, when I deal with entrepreneurs, they're like, they won't send emails like me. I'm like, that's right. But they'll learn. It's the same skill set. Right. And so it's really taking the time to teach and trust. And the book I really love is called The Gift of Failure. It's a really great book.
Sarah Walton [00:33:05]:
It's got a broken pencil on the front and I cannot remember the author's name. She's a middle school teacher. She's wonderful. And just how much parents are doing for children, so they're not learning. Super helpful. And I give it, I give it to people who are not, are not parents as well. And I'm like, just read this because you need to do that in your business, too, of allowing people to fail so they can figure out what's going to work and what's not going to work. And understanding that when we capture someone from failing, this happens a lot in corporate.
Sarah Walton [00:33:32]:
Right? Like, they can't fail. I'm going to fix it. It's like, oh, then they don't learn. Now, obviously, if you're going to lose lots of money, of course we go in and step, but, like, really explaining why someone had to step in. What was going to happen. What would have happened to the load of laundry if we kept the red lipstick in there? Like, I explained that all the way over to, if you'd sent the email this way, we would have missed out on this tracking. Oh, I. Okay.
Sarah Walton [00:33:53]:
We can't allow other people to step up and, and be challenged and support us if we don't give them the.
Molly Claire [00:33:59]:
Opportunity to stretch themselves 100%.
Sarah Walton [00:34:04]:
Yeah.
Molly Claire [00:34:04]:
Which can be scary to do.
Sarah Walton [00:34:06]:
Totally.
Molly Claire [00:34:06]:
It can be scary to do, right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. This has been amazing. So will you just tell, I feel like you've given so many suggestions and ideas and there are so many books and everything, but if there were just one, one piece of advice, one step that you would encourage women to take, what would it be?
Sarah Walton [00:34:28]:
Just trust yourself. You've been told your whole life you can't. That's a lie. You know, and it's always the softest voice in the room.
Molly Claire [00:34:38]:
Oh, it is. Always right.
Sarah Walton [00:34:41]:
Always right.
Molly Claire [00:34:42]:
Yes. Okay. Such a beautiful note to end on. Trust yourself. You've got this. You don't have to do everything. Okay, Sarah, where can everyone find you? And by the way, everything that she's saying here will be in the show notes. But, but tell the people where can they find you?
Sarah Walton [00:35:02]:
Sure. Sure. So I'm over at Sarahwalton.com. I tried to make that not hard. But you can catch me over with an H and Walton. Like the family on tv or the Walmart family. Depends on your age. So.
Sarah Walton [00:35:14]:
Sarahwalton.com. I'm over on YouTube, The Sarah Walton. Same with Instagram. The Sarah Walton. And just come on over and hang out where I'm pretty much always on there or someone on my team is always on there. So if you have a question or you want to say hi or you want to get introduced, come and say hi. We love meeting people and, and helping more women make more money so we can do more for this world.
Molly Claire [00:35:34]:
Amazing. And your podcast, Game on Girlfriends.
Sarah Walton [00:35:37]:
Game on Girlfriend. You know, that came from as I was a huge fan of West Wing. I don't know if you ever watched it, but there's a scene where the president's about to go on stage and lecture, and he likes to be stressed before he not lecture, debate. Before he debates, he's about to walk on stage and his wife cuts his tie in half, which causes this whole mayhem. The guys are running around, everybody's trying to get. She slaps his butt on her way out and says, 'game on, boyfriend'. And I was like, that's me. I was like, I will tell you, the game is on.
Sarah Walton [00:36:03]:
This is not your practice life. Let's go. So that's where that came from.
Molly Claire [00:36:07]:
Amazing. I love it. All right. This has been so great. Thank you so much, Sarah.
Sarah Walton [00:36:12]:
Thank you so much for having me, Molly.
Molly Claire [00:36:15]:
All right, thanks, everyone, and I'll talk with you next week.
Voice Over [00:36:19]:
Thanks for listening to the Masterful coach podcast. Are you ready to build your amazing business with Molly as your coach? Check out www.mollyclaire.com to find out about masterful coach foundations and the tangible k accelerator method. It's the ultimate support for you as a coach, building your ideal life and business.
