00:39

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Life, Mastered.

 

00:43

I'm Molly Claire, and I'm so honored to be here with you. Thank you so much to those of you who reached out last week after the first episode with this new rebrand aired and said how much you loved the podcast.

 

01:00

I have to tell you that it was so interesting that when the podcast went live last week and I shifted away from just focusing on coaches, I felt like this new sense of freedom and life come into me that I didn't even realize was lacking, and so I knew the shift was coming.

 

01:19

I think I'd been wanting it and needing it probably for longer than I was willing to admit, and the bottom line is I'm so honored to support you. I'm so thrilled to be supporting you in having a better life.

 

01:33

Let's all just have a better life, and I know there are so many good tools and ways to do it. So today we're going to be talking about achievement. We're going to be talking about you and the drive that you have, and the boxes you desire to check in life, and the goals that are in front of you, and what your relationship with achievement is.

 

01:54

We're going to talk about how the drive to achieve can be very life-giving for us, very expansive for us. And we're also going to talk about the ways in which it can become a trap, ways that it can weigh us down and ways that it can really cause us to be blinded to what really matters to us.

 

02:14

So I'm really passionate about this topic. It is close to my heart and I cannot wait to dive into it with you. Before we go any further, I want to make sure you know that we are enrolling for a small group of coaches this fall.

 

02:31

We will be starting the beginning of September. If you haven't already heard about this, I want to make sure you know, because we are finalizing enrollment for this small group this week, actually. So if you have not yet booked a call with my team and submitted your application questions, do it now, pause this podcast, go to my website.

 

02:52

click the button, you can talk with Crystal. She is phenomenal. She is a coach that I have worked with for years. I trained her. I trained her in advanced coaching. She has a fantastic business and she is helping me out to help you understand the value of this program for you.

 

03:07

So if you're a coach and you wanna learn the four fundamentals, this is perfect for you. If you've been thinking about adding coaching to your life or to your practice, or you just want to learn these tools to make your life better, this is the perfect program for you.

 

03:23

So go ahead and go to my website. This is the coach certification and leadership training program. It is awesome. It is small group. It is personal. It is intimate. I will be personally teaching you every single week on these calls.

 

03:37

So if this is calling to you, book the call now. All right, let's talk about achievement. I want you to take just a minute and think about the word achievement or think about some of the things you're working to achieve in your life, okay?

 

03:57

And as you bring this into your mind, I want you to notice what feelings come up for you. Is it excitement? Is it angst? Is it pressure, fear, or worry? Is it an anticipation? Does it feel expansive?

 

04:23

Does it feel life-giving? Does it feel like something else that I haven't even mentioned? So you have a certain relationship with achievement, and this relationship with achievement has come from years and years of building your life, of living your life, of setting goals and going after those goals or skipping out on those goals, right?

 

04:49

Either way, a relationship with achievement and what we're going to talk about today is how do we leverage this idea and concept of achievement in a way that serves us and how can we put down or release the negative associations that we have with it or perhaps the not so helpful patterns we have with regard to achievement.

 

05:26

So I'll tell you a little bit about my achievement as a child okay and my hope is that this story will you will relate to this this will resonate with you in some way okay so at a very young age I was going after things and this is in large part because as a child I was raised by a single mom who was working her fingers to the bone multiple jobs trying to put food on the table.

 

05:54

My two oldest siblings were pretty much more or less gone and out of the house in my growing up years when I think about most of my childhood. And it was me and my brother who was a little older than me.

 

06:08

And I was very much by myself most of the time because my mom wasn't there and we didn't have a lot of money. And so as a child, I knew that if I wanted to buy presents for my family for Christmas, or if I wanted to go to theater camp, or if I wanted to go to the store after school with all of the other kids from school, that I needed to figure out how to make money.

 

06:32

And so I did a lot of things at a very young age. When I was in elementary school, I created some flyers that had my services to do things like wash the dishes, clean the baseboards, vacuum. And I went around to people in my neighborhood and many of them were gracious enough to hire me.

 

06:52

Believe it or not, I was babysitting twins when I was seven. Now my brother would go and he would sit and he would be there to have a presence, but I was changing diapers, I was planning the activities, I was doing the snacks, I was doing all of it.

 

07:05

And I was even a nanny at a very early age, live-in nanny in the summertime. And so when I think back about these experiences and I think back about this drive that I had, it came from a few things, okay?

 

07:19

And we're gonna relate this to you in just a minute, so stay with me. So part of it was that for me, a part of who I am and how I am is I have a very creative spirit about me. And I love going after things, I love making things happen.

 

07:38

There's a thrill for me in the act and experience of taking ownership of creating something that I want, okay? So there's that creativity, there's that sort of energy about me that's very natural. to me.

 

07:53

And also I was driven because there were things I very much wanted. And I knew that if I wanted those things, that the only way to get them, or at least this was my view, right? The only way to get them, maybe the best way to get them was to make it happen for myself.

 

08:11

And so if we take this example of a child, the drive for creativity, right? Drive to create, drive to make something happen. And this desire to bring into my life things that I want. And if we think about this, and if we think about you, and the ways that you achieve, what is the equivalent for you within your feelings?

 

08:34

When you think about some of the ways and times that you have gone after something, what are the parts of that going after that are full of your own energy? your own desires, your own drive, those feelings that really light you up and move you forward.

 

08:56

So I want you to think about that. Now let's go back to little Molly who's doing all of these things. And along the way, I'm hearing things like, Oh, that Molly, she's so responsible. Look at you go.

 

09:09

You're so capable. You're so this, you're so that you're doing a good job. Now, of course, these are all very positive things to hear. And yet what I did with this is I took this in as many of us do as most of us do to mean that I'm more acceptable when I'm responsible.

 

09:32

When I'm doing a good job of these things, people like me, I'm important, I'm valued, I'm included, I'm okay as a human being when I'm doing. And the other part of this, the unspoken part, right? Is when I'm not, maybe I'm not a value.

 

09:50

Maybe I'm not safe. Maybe I'm not accepted. And I want you to take this and I want you to think about you. In the achievements in your life or the lack of achievements in your life, what are the messages that you've heard and taken in?

 

10:09

Is there a part of you that believes that you are a better person, a better human, that you have more worth if you are checking boxes of achievement? Is there a part of you that feels safer achieving, perhaps so much so that maybe you overdo it and get a little bit lost in the achievement?

 

10:34

Is there a part of you that when you're not measuring up, you think ill of yourself as a human being? You doubt if you're really bringing enough value and worth to the world. So, as you think about this, I'm going to tell you why this matters.

 

10:56

Right now, most likely, you have certain things in your life that you want to achieve, things you want to do. And if these achievements are, it's almost like if the waters are muddied with believing this is the way to be safe, this is the way to be valued, this is the way to be approved, what it does is, not only does it create more of a pressure-filled experience that actually doesn't feel good and doesn't really serve you, but also you're not going to be nearly as effective, okay? And so, as you're taking this in, I want you to think for just a minute, this thing that you want to go after, what would it be like? if you could lay down and release some of the beliefs that this makes you a more worthy human being, if you could lay down and release some of the pressure that is putting you in a position of feeling high stress, angst, worry. And as this is happening, it's actually challenging your ability to be present in your life. I want you to think about laying all of that down. And what would it be like if whatever you're going after to achieve, you were approaching it from a place of desire to expand your life, desire to have greater peace, greater self-connection, greater connection with those around you, better relationships.

 

12:39

If you were going after this with an opening to expand all that is good, rather than doing it to simply prove your worth and feel safe in the world. Now, this is a great idea. And I recognize that this is oftentimes easier said than done.

 

12:59

And this is exactly why I talk with you guys about the four fundamentals of lasting change, right? Understanding our mind, our thoughts, understanding our emotions, fears that come up, understanding our nervous system, because our nervous system will push back against any changes we want to make.

 

13:15

And this is a perfect example, right? Because as we're laying down these pressures, as we're trying to do things differently, all our nervous system is going to say, hold on a minute, we've always operated under stress, this is how we're comfortable, this is how we're safe.

 

13:29

And so this is why, as I'm introducing this idea to you, and I'm having you think about it, I want to bring right along with this, this acknowledgement, that making a shift like this, even if it feels good, even if it's positive, even if it's in our best interest, and we believe it will make our life easier and better.

 

13:48

We'll require some intention and some steps along the way, right? Okay, so let's talk about the steps to really doing this differently, okay? And number one is just awareness, which is exactly what we've done here.

 

14:04

Take the time to write down some of the messages you have internalized about your worth in relation to achievement. Take the time to write them down. Take the time to acknowledge them. And I want you to ask yourself, are these worth challenging?

 

14:19

Is it possible that I am worthy as a human being and I can go after and achieve things just because I want my life to be better? Just because I want to be happier? Just because I want to progress and grow as a human being?

 

14:31

Okay, so this is step one. Truly, this awareness is huge. Okay, and the next thing that I want you to consider is taking the time to think about what you are wanting. and why you are wanting it, meaning what will that thing allow you to do in your life?

 

14:49

I'm going to give you a very specific tangible example. When I started my business, I knew that I would create a business that would allow me to be present with my kids, to be available to them, to be with them before school, to be with them after school, to be there for those big events.

 

15:08

And I wanted to provide well for them. I was stepping into becoming a single mom. I did not want my kids reliving my childhood where I was alone, fending for myself. I did not want that for them. And I was very determined.

 

15:21

So I go in with this anchor of this is what I'm going to create. And then I know many of you can relate to this. What can happen is I start building a bit of pressure. And as I'm wanting, ultimately, if you think about what I'm wanting. I'm wanting to create an experience of presence with my kids, availability, time, freedom, openness, happiness for me and for them.

 

15:47

And then on the path there, inevitably, what I start doing in little ways is spreading myself too thin to be there for everyone, right? We're saying things like, well, I have to sacrifice this now so that I can have it then.

 

16:03

And I'm not saying that principle never applies. But my point is if we take a look at if we take this outside perspective and look at my scenario, which we're going to relate to you in just a minute, if what I'm wanting is to create time and connection and freedom and flexibility and presence and relationships.

 

16:23

But the way I'm getting there is by stressing myself out and spreading myself thin. It kind of defeats the purpose, doesn't it? Because I'm moving toward creating something. But yet in this very moment, I'm pushing the very thing I want out.

 

16:41

And so in my example, in my experience, what this required and what I'm going to suggest to you is it required me to constantly come back and anchor myself in what do I really want and how am I creating that now?

 

16:57

So this is this step two for you. This is what I want you to think about. When you think about the thing you're moving toward and why you want it, and in particular, what it is that you value or prioritize that you are wanting to be possible then when you achieve this thing, and how can you ensure that you are creating that very experience that you're wanting to move toward?

 

17:22

How can you ensure that you're creating it now? How can you be more present now? How can you feel more abundant now? How can you be more present now? Because the fact of the matter is I have seen this over and over again with clients of mine who have built a very profitable business and yet they come and they say, I'm overwhelmed. I have no time for my family. I have no time for my life. And what happens is through the achievement of this thing and getting lost and swept up in the achievement in this proving to make this happen, what they've actually done is not only have they created that success that they wanted.

 

18:13

And I use success in air quotes, right? That thing. But along the way, they've also reinforced a pattern internally of overworking. Along the way, they've created brain patterns, emotion patterns, and nervous system patterns of operating from stress, of not being present, of really not prioritizing the things that matter to them because they're afraid of not having them.

 

18:39

Take that back and listen to that again, right? They've gotten in a pattern of shutting out the very things that they're afraid of not having, meaning they're working so hard to have these great relationships with their kids and their family and have this time.

 

18:58

And they're so afraid of not having it that they're stressing themselves out now and pushing out those very things. And so it's important that you are mindful of the patterns existing in your mind and emotions and nervous system and behaviors now, right?

 

19:17

In this achievement, what behaviors am I doing now? What internal things are happening now? And if I don't change this, what are the patterns internally that are going to be reinforced and created over time?

 

19:32

Oftentimes, these patterns look like overworking, being in a state of stress, not being present, not taking care of yourself. And the more we reinforce the pattern, the more impact that pattern has for good or for bad.

 

19:47

And the more we reinforce that pattern, the more time and attention it takes to undo it, okay? So this is point number two, is really think about what I'm wanting to create, how do I create it now? And then the last step, the last piece of guidance I want to give you here is a pattern of pausing and resetting.

 

20:11

So what this looks like is, imagine you're in a moment, you're having a day where you have a big to-do list, you have all the things, and you notice your shoulders tightening up, you're very much in your head, your mind is hyper focused, I'm going to get this done, I'm going to figure this out.

 

20:32

You can almost notice, if you could see me on YouTube, I'm swirling my finger kind of like you just have this emotion swirling up, right? work, work, work. I've got to get it done. I've got to get it done.

 

20:42

And typically what happens is we do the work and then we burn out and then we just keep repeating this pattern over and over again. And what I want to offer you is there's a different way. Right now, I want you to think about one of those times that you felt this, this drive, this swirling, this overworking, this stress, this tension rising in your shoulders.

 

21:00

Okay. I want you to think about a time. And I want you to flag that moment in your head. I want you to flag that moment. I want you to flag that moment in how you felt, what you were thinking, what you were doing.

 

21:15

And I want you to notice as if you were looking in from a, like a bird's eye view of what it looks like when you're in that space. And as you flag that in your mind right now, here's the opportunity I offer you.

 

21:29

The next time that happens, I hope that this moment with me, this podcast comes to your mind. And that is a moment for you to pause. That is a moment for you to say, stop, I am not going to reinforce this pattern.

 

21:47

I'm going to do something different. And I want you to offer yourself the opportunity to take a minute to pause and breathe. You can put your hand on your heart or anywhere that feels grounding to you.

 

22:04

You can go for a walk. You can give yourself one, two, three, five minutes and take the time to ask yourself, how can I be present right now? How can I slow down in this moment long enough to remember my priorities?

 

22:30

How can I slow down enough to create a new pattern of how I achieve? How can I slow down just like that? long enough to feel grounded and reset and remember that the choice I am making right now is what is creating my life.

 

22:54

Not because creation exists in the future, but because right now, right now, I can create a moment of peace and connection. And right now, I am creating my own experience of life. All right, take this in.

 

23:18

I hope you have loved this episode. This is one of my favorite topics. This is some of the most important work I do with my clients. This is some of the most important work my coaches do with their clients.

 

23:30

So take it in, try it on for size. Thank you again for being here. I would love it if you would leave a review for me. Tell people about the podcast. We have so much good stuff coming and don't forget, if you feel called to coach and leadership certification, come join me.