00:39

Hello, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode where we are talking about some minor shifts that you can begin today with the way that you relate to your own emotional world that will have profound impact on all areas of your life.

​

00:57

And I know this is a bold statement and I stand by it 100%. I talk a lot about your emotions, right? Emotional needs. What does it mean? Why do I always talk about this? Because I have seen, I have witnessed, and I have experienced the profound emotional gap that exists for most human beings walking around on the planet.

​

01:25

And what is very interesting and what I want to talk about a little bit today is how I have seen this both in looking at coaches as I have worked with coaches, trained coaches, been immersed in that world, and seeing how so many boxes can be checked in the understanding that a coach has in how they can facilitate change, how they can bring transformation, right?

​

01:54

Many very skilled coaches are very well versed in mindset, in action and accountability, in behavioral patterns in the brain, and certainly even how to get past some emotional blocks as we talk about them.

​

02:10

However, the depth of understanding of what our emotional world really is and how we relate to it and how understanding it and having a more intimate relationship with our own emotional world is actually the thing that is going to move the needle in the biggest way.

​

02:33

Not just in the practical, tangible success that we create in our life. I mean, that's great, right? And there are many ways we can create that. But in the tangible shifts that happen, those things we can wrap our head around and see on a checklist, but also in the incredible internal shift that we as human beings can experience.

​

02:58

I'm talking about the difference between achieving something and feeling proud versus shifting our sense of identity, shifting the way we relate to our own sense of worth, shifting from seeking validation, seeking wins, seeking success to fill some of these holes that we perceive or experience within us and moving to a place of feeling full, fulfilled, whole, peaceful, a sense of cohesion within ourself and within our authenticity.

​

03:41

So that's what we're going to be talking about today. Now, I'm going to pause here and just highlight a couple of things. If you are listening and you are a coach, do not miss tomorrow's webinar. I'm talking about how to become the go-to coach.

​

03:54

And more specifically, I'm talking about what most coach training programs are missing, why our clients actually get stuck, and the approach that every coach holding space for transformation needs to know and understand.

​

04:12

And this is a core piece of what I teach my holistic master coaches in training. It is one of the first things that we talk about. And it is the magic. It is the key to having the type of coach-client relationship that changes lives.

​

04:27

So I'm talking about that tomorrow. Please go and sign up, go to mollyclare.com or go to the show notes and click there to come along with me. So that's one thing. By the way, those of you that are interested in diving in and learning my methodology for coaches, you want to understand how to be a holistic coach.

​

04:44

You want to understand how to bring together the different pieces that you may have learned as a coach already and to really dive in and understand more of the emotional world of the people that you're working with and their nervous system and everything that's needed in order to really create a space of transformation.

​

05:01

If that's you, Master Coach Training Applications are open. We have a fantastic group building in there. We begin in January. It is unlike any other training. It is just beyond master coach training and certification.

​

05:15

It truly is all of the missing pieces in one place to create incredible transformation. So do not miss out on that. All right, let's talk about your emotional world. Okay. So when we think about what we know, as you're here listening to this, just take a minute to think about an area of your life you want to be different.

​

05:44

Maybe a relationship, your business, your income, your health, your well-being, your sense of purpose, whatever it is. I want you to take a minute to think about that area. And what are the things that come to mind to you that you believe or perceive need to be different?

​

06:05

Is it better communication? Is it better habits? Is it accountability? Is it learning the right method? What is it? And there's no judgment about any of this. There's probably value and merit in all of the answers coming to your mind.

​

06:22

I just want you to notice what it is that seems to be the thing. Okay? And as you think about that, I'm curious for you to consider where, within that change that you're wanting to make, your emotions fit in.

​

06:50

When you're thinking about a shift in your physical health, for example, are you seeing your emotions as a problem in the way of meeting your goals? Are you seeing your emotions as a weakness, as something that's going to cause you to give in?

​

07:08

When you think about the shifts you want in relationships, are you potentially seeing that you believe that your emotions are a problem because you need to not be so emotional? You need to be better regulated.

​

07:24

And if you were, then your emotions wouldn't be such a problem in your relationship. Or maybe on the flip side, you're believing that the emotions you have within a relationship and specifically desire to have more connection, a need, a sense of feeling a bit empty in that relationship and what you're wanting and those emotions related to it.

​

07:47

Are you seeing that as a problem? Are you potentially thinking, well, I shouldn't need so much. This should be enough for me? Interesting to notice. When you think about your income, your business, the changes you're wanting to make, how do you see your emotions fitting in?

​

08:05

And these questions are really just all about awareness. And as you bring this to mind, let's talk a little bit about what did you learn about your emotions? So think back to little you. As a child, did you hear things like, don't cry?

​

08:27

As a child, did you hear things like, suck it up? As a child, were you alone in your emotions? And you had to figure out on your own how to think and feel about your emotions and what to do with them.

​

08:45

And that's a very significant thing to see that as a pattern because many people relate to that. I don't know what I learned about my emotions. I just had them and there was nobody there. I didn't know what to do with them.

​

08:58

I was carrying such a weight. Let's talk about a few more things. What did you learn about your emotions? Did you see emotions as problems to solve? Were you taught that quote unquote bad emotions were bad and not helpful or maybe even evil?

​

09:22

Did you potentially learn that if you were feeling fear, that you were somehow at fault because you should feel something more like faith, peace, optimism. So just notice what you learned about your emotions.

​

09:44

What did your parents or caregivers model about emotions or say about emotions at school, at church, in community? What were the messages you were given about emotions? And let's be curious about how that impacted the way you relate to your emotions.

​

10:05

Now, let's go back to this area of your life that you brought to mind about what you want in your life to be different. Okay. And I want you to think about whether it's the relationship, the income, the business, the health and wellness, or something that I just haven't even mentioned.

​

10:22

Okay. You want to be different. A question I really want you to take in. Why is it so hard for you right now that that thing in your life isn't different? Why is it so hard for you? Maybe you feel a sense of sadness.

​

10:47

Maybe you feel inadequate. Maybe you feel a sense of loss or deprivation or devastation. And it's really helpful, important, useful to give yourself the opportunity to understand why for me specifically, why for you, listening, why for you specifically, is it so hard for you that this is not different?

​

11:17

And these are the type of questions that can open up more awareness for you to show you and help you understand more about who you are. More about where you feel that your life or your needs or parts of you are lacking and maybe need a little bit more support.

​

11:43

Asking these type of questions will allow you to see more clearly your own values, your own priorities, your own gifts and abilities and uniqueness as a human being. And I think a lot of times what we're taught or what we think, what we think makes sense is to kind of like not have it be so hard that this isn't different, right?

​

12:14

To not have this change we want to be such a pain point. And we want to bargain with that and we want to minimize and we don't want to look at why it's so hard for us because guess what? Feeling sadness, devastation, loss and emptiness, those are hard things to feel.

​

12:30

But when we can give ourselves the opportunity to do this, and this is a lot of the work I do with my clients is holding the space and helping them to be with it and see it. Because the fact of the matter is, it is hard to do on our own.

​

12:49

You know, I know that I often think about this back when I trained with the life coach school and was working with the life coach school. And those of you that have followed them and know, a big thing is like the hardest thing you'll experience is an emotion.

​

13:01

It's just an emotion, right? And it's so funny we can think about that. And sometimes that way of thinking can be very helpful, right? Because it can give us some space from the emotion. It's like, it's just a feeling.

​

13:11

Okay, what perspective does that bring in? And also, and also what I'll say is that feeling our emotions can really be scary and hard. And I can say for me personally, in my journey of self-development and growth, I have needed and relied on my incredible coach and other practitioners that I've worked with to be with me in those emotions.

​

13:39

The fact of the matter is that co-regulation is a real thing. And feeling those feelings, we must feel a deep sense of safety in order to see the deeper layers of our feelings. So I say all of this because as I'm talking to you and I'm asking you to consider these emotions and looking at them and I'm talking about how difficult it can be to do that, I don't want any of you judging yourselves about it because it's actually very normal.

​

14:11

It's very normal. And even if today you can tiptoe into the idea of being a little bit curious about what's there, you don't have to go all the way in. You don't have to see it. But just being curious about it can begin to change your relationship with your own emotions.

​

14:31

Okay. So I want to just pose a few questions for you as we wrap up today. When you think about, when we go back to this area that you're wanting to change, and at the beginning of the episode, I asked you to consider, what about, how are you believing maybe that your emotions are in the way of where you want to go?

​

14:47

Maybe you're thinking if you weren't so emotional, then you wouldn't keep overeating. If you weren't so emotional, then you wouldn't want so much in your relationship or you wouldn't be so reactive and have these behaviors you don't like, right?

​

14:59

So we talked about that. So when you think about that area and you think about any of the ways you perceive that your emotions are in the way of your success, what if, maybe, the emotions that exist within that space are the way to helping you move to the place that you want, moving to a place of greater peace, moving to a place of greater cohesion with self within.

​

15:35

And this is what I mean. Our emotions can reveal parts of us that need attending to and healing. What a big deal that is. Our emotions can reveal our values and our priorities. Thank goodness we all have them.

​

15:52

They're all a little bit different, but it's going to reveal to us what matters to you. Our emotions can bring awareness to where in our life things need to change in order for our potential to be realized.

​

16:09

Here's what I suggest to you today. Some questions to consider. How do my emotions help me? What if I could be curious about my emotions instead of afraid of them, threatened by them, or instead of viewing them as being burdens to me or to others?

​

16:34

What if my emotions and getting to know them will help me to understand me? Will help me to anchor my sense of self. And what if they will allow me to feel more whole and more peaceful within myself?

​

17:02

And by so doing, I will be capable of more than I can begin to realize. This is what I've got for you to consider today. I'm sending all of you so much love today, and I really hope to see many of you on tomorrow's call.

​

17:25

We're going to be talking more about the importance of your emotional world. All right, have a good one and I'll talk with you next week.