Molly Claire 00:39

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the podcast today, where I have the amazing Melanie Faye here. Say hello, Melanie.

Melanie Fay 00:50

Hi, thank you for having me, Molly.

Molly Claire 00:52

Melanie is, I consider her a friend, colleague, and she is also my own tapping coach. I've worked with her for several years, and Melanie has worked with my clients, both my individual clients and in my groups, and she teaches in my Master Coach training. And Melanie, I just, I can't say enough good things about the work that Melanie does. And I know I'm going off on a little bit of a tangent here, but the work that I have been able to do with my clients has been deepened and expanded tremendously since bringing you in, Melanie. And I know you see a glimpse of this, but truly it has, it's like the power of your work has just infiltrated my programs. It's just, it's like it's been infused into everything, and it's such a gift. It's such a gift. And that's partly why I wanted to be here with Melanie and have this conversation with all of you. So Melanie and I are co-hosting an in-person retreat in October, and we are so excited to bring the work that I do and the work that Melanie does and support our clients and some of you, if you're going to be coming with us, in deep transformation. And so all this being said, Melanie and I are here today to have a conversation with all of you about the power of being present, being present with one another, and truly the gap that exists right now for many of us in our lives of not truly being in person, present, and connected with one another. So we're going to talk about this. We're going to talk about the power of it and how it impacts you, how it impacts us, and how we can create more of this. So all that being said, hi, Melanie. Let's have a conversation.

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Melanie Fay 02:48

Thank you so, so much for having me here, Molly, and thank you for your kind words. I just really appreciate that. And so just going from what you just said, you know, before this call, Molly and I were talking a little bit about, just very, very briefly, because who wants to talk about this, about COVID and about the changes that happened for all of us socially when we were in spaces like that, spaces of isolation, and just how so many of us adapted, you know, to that, depending on where we lived that year, however long it was, of being in that form of isolation and disconnection, and how we all learned how to use Zoom, and we learned we all became very comfortable for us to come together in those platforms, and how amazing that's been, especially in fields like ours and many of the listeners who might be listening right now who are coaches, and how that our world's expanded in terms of connecting with people all over the world to do coaching work, but that how for many of us that our social networks or our communities dismantled, and we don't have that same kind of fabric of connection anymore. So there's opportunity here, and with the work that we do when it comes to connecting with the self, finding out what you want to do with your life, you know, Molly, I know your podcast has recently changed names into life mastered, and in this changing of form that happened with COVID, where we all felt what it was like to change the shape of our lives out of necessity, it just happened, that created this openness in a certain sense, where we're all able to re-choose how do we want to build our life, because it really did change, we lived that change, and now we're riding the wave of that, whether we know it or not. And so with this new phrase, life remastered, I'm really thinking about that as we're talking about the retreat, and what does it mean for us to master our life? And the one thing that I want to say about that, in terms of the retreat and this coming together space, is that for me, life mastered is a... Oh, I really mean this. Life mastered is a life created, created consciously and created from the self. And for me, the self is a very deep divine thing. And so we're in this place where we're coming out of this place of history where a lot of our connections have been severed in these certain ways, and we get to reform. And then when we come together in a space like a retreat, we have this chance of finding that freshness, which allows us to create our life. And I feel like I'm going off on a tangent now, and I apologize for that, because I know we're wanting to keep this...

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Molly Claire 06:04

No, no, no. This is it, this is what it is. This is what we all need to hear. Keep going.

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Melanie Fay 06:08

Okay, so I could just pull my thoughts out of my mind, which is like a Vulcan and Star Trek fans out there and just share them. So here we are with a lot of us feeling uncomfortable for many reasons, right? The reasons that come just from life, but also the reasons that come from deep cultural change.

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Molly Claire 06:29

Mm-hmm

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Melanie Fay 06:30

And that uncomfortable space is a composting space. It's a space of, okay, what do I want to do? What do I want to do? That's what I want to offer, right? That composting space can feel really scary, but it's also really empowering. It's a rich space because it allows us to reform. So here's how this connects to life mastered and a retreat. The way to form life from a creative space, from that creative space inside ourself, comes from the ability for the moment to feel fresh, for the moment to feel new. And so when we come together in a new environment with space set aside for us to connect with the freshness of a moment, which is always true, right? Every moment is fresh. It's like fresh water. Every moment is like fresh water running down a river and it's here for us. If we can create the space where we allow it to be fresh, and that comes from disconnecting from what we are familiar with and feeling safe enough to disconnect from what we're familiar with. So when we come together with others in a place of safety, that can help with that as well. And then from that fresh space, it does two things. It helps us see what we're bringing into the moment, which is what we can use coaching or tapping to help release so we don't bring that into the next moment. But it also helps us feel the freshness, which is the creative energy, which we then can form new patterns and thoughts. And the thing is about change and healing is it truly does happen in an instant. We do all this muscle work to help kind of allow that instant to happen. And that's wonderful and powerful and just part of the process. But also things can really shift in a moment, in just a thought space. So I really advocate newness. I advocate letting our life be new, whatever that means, because then we see that we're more than what we've been in the moment before, because our life can feel new. And to me, that's how we get our hands on the creative power is to see that the thing that I thought I was is less than what I really am.

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Molly Claire 08:58

Mm hmm. Mm hmm. I mean, it's so true. There are so many... Oh my gosh, I want to just dissect this entire conversation, everything you just said. But you know, and one thing I'll mention, for those of you listening, recently, I did an episode about the blueprint for transformation, where I'm actually talking through the flow of how we're doing this retreat. And so I highly recommend you go listen to that. But one of the things that you hit on Melanie, was the disconnect from what was, and then being in a fresh space, where there is that safety and that support, right? And I think, you know, I can't help but think about my recent river trip, which I want to speak to in a minute. But if you did you have something else to say? Oh, I just want to hear about the river trip. Okay. Oh, my gosh. I know. I feel like I want to do a whole episode on it. So as some of you know, I mentioned it on the podcast a few weeks ago, but I had gone on a river trip about eight years ago, and I went again, the end of August. And this trip came about in a very serendipitous way, it felt like the timing was perfect. And logically, it seemed like bad timing, which often happens, right? And so I had all these things going in the business and the book launch and enrollment and the retreat and everything. And I said, I know, I need to go and be there. And so, you know, I'll cut to the chase on this. But I was in the Grand Canyon for eight days with no input from my phone, no Wi Fi, I was totally disconnected from my normal life. And one of the things that I don't think any of us realize truly until we're taken completely away from all of the electronics is just how much input is bombarding our system, our nervous system, every moment of every single day. And I think it's really hard on us, right? I mean, I think back to when I was a kid, I didn't have a cell phone in my pocket. I didn't have any of that, right? I was outside wandering my neighborhood. And so anyway, all this being said, you know, I've had experiences at retreats, and certainly in this experience, where I was able to go disconnect, be present in those moments, be in connection with other human beings that I would not have ever otherwise been in contact with, with a friend. And I was able to really get some profound clarity on my life and have some significant changes in those moments, just like you said, you know, so anyway, all this being said, I think that the beauty of COVID and that and that shift, as for many of you, it, it forced you to realize the things you were unhappy with, it forced you to see what in your life wasn't working for you. And it forced upon you this change that allowed that opportunity to say, What do I really want? And I think a lot of power has come with that. And then simultaneously, side by side with that, right, has been a bit of isolation and disconnection.

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Molly Claire 12:23

And I think now, Melanie, don't you think now I think we're all across the board, realizing, we've got to move back into connection now, with this new with this new idea that we get to create our life, we get to dive back into connection, and we get to choose who, where and how we go into connection with, absolutely. So one of the things that I would love to talk about and hear your thoughts on Melanie is, you know, just the when I think about the coming together, and I think about several of the retreats I've been on over the last few years for my own development. And, and because I work with you, Melanie, right, you know, you've seen where I'm building the muscles of this change that's happening. And then I go to this in-person experience, and it just anchors and solidifies. And there's just this kind of blast off with my growth every time I go, which is a huge reason why I want to do this, this in-person retreat, right. But what I'd love to talk about is the power of a group of individuals. And in this case, with this retreat, a group of women coming together with intention, with desire to heal to grow to expand, and also coming together in support of one another in community. Tell me your thoughts on that sort of the power that you see are the opportunities within that.

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Melanie Fay 13:53

Well, I think that to begin to talk about the opportunities or find the opportunities, if we can all just start to think about what it feels like to be in really meaningful moments with others. Because our culture and our logical minds want to understand, okay, what am I going to get from this? What am I going to learn? What am I going to know? That comes from the brain. Almost like we're going to a grocery store and what am I going to take home? Whereas these changes that allow us to feel safe in the moment and that safety that's required in order to make those changes that come from that beingness that we are, the word that's coming to me is quantifying. We want to start to feel or embody that word used a lot, but it means a feeling. It means something I feel. It's not a thought. You can't think your way to embodiment. It's something that happens inside you. So in the same way, if we can think about what does it feel like to be close and connected to others, maybe in a church environment you felt that, maybe you felt it in your family, maybe you felt it coming together and singing with people or just, for me, I live in New York City and part of the reason why I live in New York City is because I love people. And so I just get to walk around and be with people and I love that. So what does it feel like to be with others? And that's the type of feeling that we're going to be noticing and amplifying as we do what can sometimes feel isolating personal transformation. So we come together and we intentionally are creating a space of safety and support for one another, but that's why we're coming together. And anyone in a space like that, when it's genuine and it will be, can feel that palpably. They can feel that. And so the intention is to come together to help each other be who we are. Your body can feel that permission to be because that's the set agenda. And then from that place, the things that we need to know to allow that being to come forward become present. Whereas when we're just in New York City or wherever, there's so many intentions and everything's bouncing off each other. So here it's that intention for this becoming or this empowerment. And permission is often what a lot of us need, safety and permission. And the coming together in itself brings that.

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Molly Claire 17:07

And, you know, as Melanie was talking, one of the things I was thinking about is inevitably, you know, many of you are thinking of spaces where you've been with others where you haven't felt safe or where it's a scary experience to go into being with others, right? I think we can all relate to that. And I think, you know, right now I can think of spaces where I, when I think about being in this group of people, I actually feel a little uncomfortable or I feel this sense of not belonging, right? And I think about other spaces and I want to be there. And so I bring this up because I think that one of the things for all of us to think about is, number one, how do I feel safe within myself no matter where I am, right? That could be a whole other discussion. And, you know, in terms of this conversation and this gathering, what I think is so powerful about this space and this purpose in particular is that creating safety and belonging and permission is woven throughout the fabric of how we're setting this up. And, yeah, go ahead, did you have something to talk about?

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Melanie Fay 18:20

I want to talk directly to what you're saying, Molly. Which you said, I can imagine these times where I'm coming into a space where I feel uncomfortable. And so what I want to say to that is anyone who is feeling that, here's the thing. It's like if we can bring that into the space and then be received with safety and love, which is the intention of the whole point we're coming together, then we get to work with that part of you that is feeling that unsafety and help that part of you learn a new sense of safety in connection with others, which is incredibly important when it comes to empowerment because your empowerment energy is going to come from you being you, which means feeling safe, being belonging and being seen in a group. That's how we let ourself be born into the moment instead of protected behind a shield. So if we can come together, this is so important for the retreat, but just every single day. If we can come to spaces where we think is probably pretty safe, and we bring that vulnerability into that space, we say, yeah, I'm afraid to tell this person this thing. But I'm going to do it anyway because I think this is pretty safe. And we bring that vulnerability forward. Then that part of us that has learned it's not okay to be who I am or to share what I truly is in my heart gets to learn a new truth. We can heal each other with our acceptance and kindness. So to kind of look at that thread in a retreat space that if someone's feeling uncomfortable coming, that is an opportunity. That's an opportunity because that vulnerability that's rising up is the very thing that maybe needs care in order for the part of you that has something to say or do or feel safe enough to do it.

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Molly Claire 20:27

That's right. It's when you have a new experience within that vulnerability and experience where here is the vulnerability, here is the fear, here is the wound, here is the pain. And it is surrounded by love, acceptance, compassion, care, and validation of who you are. Those are the big healing moments, right? Those are the healing moments. And this is why, I mean, this is why, right? This is why being in connection with each other, being in healing and supportive spaces and being in person and being able to voice those things in a safe space you can't voice otherwise is just really transformative. I don't know what other, I feel like all the words we're using are all these buzz words, but they're true, right?

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Melanie Fay 21:17

They're true. And that's why I started, they are true and they are buzzwords. And that's why I went back, that's why the very first thing I said was, what does it feel like? What does it feel like to be connected with others in a way that feels good, right? In a way that, what does that feel like? Because that's the truth that we're going for. That's the thing that keeps us literally embodied, like in our body and then willing to express through that body, instead of expressing through what we've learned is safe.

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Molly Claire 21:54

Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. And I think that, you know, one of the things that keeps coming to my mind, and this is the case, obviously, at this retreat, but, and you know this, Melanie, and my clients listening know this, like in my community and in my programs, I think part of what creates so much safety and permission is that in every space where I am guiding, leading, coaching, teaching any one of you in any space, the priority in that space is to help you to move toward whatever it is you personally want. And there is not an agenda. My agenda for your life or business is non-existent. My agenda is just your agenda, right? And I think about that because in this space, of course, you know, the retreat is the deep reset retreat. And the idea is that we're going to be there and helping you, those of you there, with really getting in touch with you and who you are and what you want and what you don't want. And so every person at this experience is going to have a different intention, even if it's slightly different. And what I want all of you to hear, in particular, I'm talking about the retreat right now, but this goes bigger and broader than that. What I want you to hear is that you have permission to want what you want. You are allowed to be you, and you don't have to set your measure of success based on the person next to you or whatever some coach or leader or mentor says that you should move toward. Your life is yours. You get to decide, and in this space and in every conversation and in every space I create, it is all about you get to be you. Let's figure out what you personally need to move yourself forward and achieve your own authenticity, move into your own peace, move into your own space of fully being alive in your life. And I think that permission and that built into the culture is powerful, right?Because where else do we experience that where it's like, I want what you want, right? Yeah, right. Anyway, just so many, just as we're having this conversation, and I'm thinking about so many of the women that I know will be at this retreat, and so many of the women in my community and the way I see them seeing one another, caring about one another, and on the receiving end, feeling really seen and cared for and supportive. I'm not sure there's a more powerful thing we can experience together in this world than our relationships of loving and supporting one another. So let's talk a little bit about the moments because in terms of this retreat, of course, some of the beautiful things that create this container are just the travel to be a way, right? Which I know it can be hard immediately our brains think, Oh, no, what am I leaving behind? What am I going to miss out on? Is there a tangible result from this? And I think that we need to remember there's a lot of power in getting away in going away into a fresh space. So we'll be in this container where we're going to be getting away, where we are going to be in a space of slowing down in a space of being with ourselves while having support and being with the moments.

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Molly Claire 25:41

I'd love to hear from you, Melanie, just as you think about these pieces of this experience, I guess the value in that or the merit in really leaning into a space like that.

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Melanie Fay 25:55

Well, it's like I could talk about it from the place of momentum now, like all of us have different ways that we think about things and different ways that we feel about things and different experiences we've had in ourselves. And then we're just kind of going through our days with all of that activated. And when there's that momentum going on inside us, we're operating from those spaces. And it's really hard to have creative choice or make new decisions, really fresh new decisions, when the momentum is high in our life and in ourself. And I mean that both by how much we're doing, but also about how much is familiar around us.

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Molly Claire 26:39

It's really true and I am I want to interrupt keep your train of thought but I want to interrupt here because I think truly It's like what Melanie is saying is so true because I can say I'm pretty self-aware I'm always looking at my mind and my emotions and I am immersed in this work all the time and Yet when I get away when I have that disruption of what's regular Something else else is possible that I can't quite access in my daily life No matter how much I'm diving into it, right? It is exactly

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Melanie Fay 27:12

Exactly, because whatever's familiar around us, the people, the physical environment, we have associations and meaning that just happen subconsciously in our mind that keeps us in a certain state or a certain form in our self. So then when we go to a new space with a group intention, what it does is in terms of momentum is it gives us an opportunity to change the momentum. Okay, so in our life when we're living it, it's all churning, it's all flowing. It's not that we can't change the momentum, but what I want to say is it's harder. We tweak and we turn and hopefully we're gentle with ourselves, which makes it a little bit easier to tweak and turn. But when we really get to a new place, because of all those associations aren't there, also roles like I'm a mom, I'm a wife, all the roles aren't there as well. Those are all things that tell us how we need to think, be, do, whatever. They're not there. Then there's a quietness in nature, which is where we're going to be, but there's also a quietness that could come up in the self. Because if I'm not being all of those things, because I don't have to be because that role isn't triggered in the same way, and I'm not making these associations that tell me who I am and what I am, and that can be really scary for people. People travel and it's really destabilizing, but the whole point here is that we're going to come into these spaces and those things have a chance to fall away, and then in that falling away, we get to bring this intention. I'm using this metaphor of momentum, when we're outside of the roles, when we're outside of the associations, the momentum slows, and then it gives a chance for a new part of ourself to come out, which then we can increase the momentum or shore up the support around that new part of the self.

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Molly Claire 29:14

Mm-hmm. That's this new opportunity coming from like fresh soil, almost just absolutely fresh space. Yeah.

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Melanie Fay 29:21

And the way that you can know that that's true, if anyone's like, okay, what does this mean, is think about the different roles that you might have in your life, how you feel in what you do maybe at work, or how you feel in what you do when you're at home, or when you're with your kids maybe, or the different hats you wear. And just notice how wearing those different hats, you feel really differently in your body. And the thoughts available to you are really different. That's the momentum I'm talking about. That's the association. So if we go to something that doesn't have as much of that.

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Molly Claire 30:06

Mm-hmm

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Melanie Fay 30:06

Then we have... it's easier for us to feel that creative choice inside of ourselves. 

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Molly Claire 30:11

Totally, totally. And I think that, you know, when you were talking about travel being destabilizing, it's kind of like, we could see these two sides, right? It's like on one hand, having the unfamiliar, having the totally fresh can to part of us can feel a bit scary, right? And yet we also know that we need that sense of safety in order to, to grow and heal. And that's what I think is so magical about this is we have it all we're away, we're in new spaces, and you're so taken care of, and you're supported with me and with Melanie and with these other, these other women in the group. And I was kind of thinking about just at a practical level, how the, you know, here we will be right there next to nature, right there next to national forest, we'll have opportunities to be outside. And also, we're in this just very cozy, comfortable space. So it's like the best, best of both worlds, right? I know, I'm really excited. I'm ready for it. Melanie and I are ready to be there getting ready for all of you. So, okay, we're gonna wrap this up. And in just a minute, Melanie, I'd love to hear, you know, any final thoughts you have on this whole idea, this whole concept. And, you know, for those of you that are listening and are thinking, I really should look into this, and if you're feeling called at all, the link to the retreat is in the show notes, we do have spots left. And it's just, it's really going to be a phenomenal opportunity to have fresh eyes, fresh space to feel supported and to really tune into those instant shifts that you're wanting to make and those long-term shifts. So make sure to check that out. Having said all of that, you know, I know I can say, as we're finishing up, that I just feel really grateful, even for this moment in this space, imagining you out there listening. And what a gift for us to be having a conversation about our own becoming as human beings. Because, you know, for many of us, many parts of our life, much of our life, have felt more about survival, right? And for our ancestors, so much about survival. And what a gift that we are in a time and space, that we're even having these conversations about greater healing, about greater growth, greater expansion, and greater, you know, self-actualization and realizing not just our potential, but really fully being able to be who we are. I think it's an unbelievable gift. And to think that it is right here in front of us is just, it's a little bit mind-blowing to me. So I'm grateful for this conversation and to have all of you here. Melanie, any final thoughts or words on any of this?

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Melanie Fay 33:03

I just love the words that you just offered Molly, right? Just how incredible it is to be in the position where we have choice. Where I mean, not all of us, maybe, but many of us listening right now truly, you know, if we have a house and we have food and we have those basics, then then then we have we have what we need to, to form our lives and to form the world one one step and one thought and one feeling at a time and we and we really really do. Yeah, we really do, and that impacts all of us for the good. So thank you to everyone who's learning how to do that to learning how to let your passion and you know your light and what you are. I mean all these words, by the way, I know they're used all the time, but I mean them to come forward because I yeah, that's I think that's the I think that's what we need from each other. So.

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Molly Claire 34:01

Yeah. I love that. You know, I have this little five-minute journal I do every day, and one of the things that I ask every day is, what are you grateful for? And I'm going to say probably maybe not quite half the time, but about half the time. The thing I write is, I'm grateful to have choice in my life. What a gift, right? That we have choice. Well, thank you, Melanie. Thank you so much. Thank you, all of you, to being here. I can't wait to talk with you on the next episode. And I cannot wait to gather with many of you in person as we just take our lives and our experience and everything that matters to us to the next level. So I'll talk with you all next week. Thanks again.