Emotional intelligence… what does it really mean for effective leadership

Do you understand human emotions?

While the world of coaching and leadership embraces emotional intelligence, in working with thousands of clients over the last decade as a Master Coach, I’m convinced that most people are missing the boat on what is required when it comes to understanding human emotions. 

An example of emotional intelligence for effective leadership

Let’s talk about a client case study:  My client was struggling to manage her business and household, but the biggest frustration in all of it was her child’s emotions. She wished that her child’s emotions didn’t bother her so much, but they did.  

This client was emotionally sensitive to others and she understood emotions well. However, she was lacking in her capacity to handle emotions. Like so many others, she was lacking in emotional support as a child and no one modeled for her how to handle difficult emotions. As a result, she felt the need to immediately shut down her child’s emotions.  

Do you ever feel that way as a parent?  Or with your coaching clients?  Or as a leader with members of your team?  

Allowing others to feel and express emotions is part of effective leadership

The degree with which others emotions are difficult for you to handle has a direct correlation with your emotional capacity for your own emotions.  

What does this mean exactly?  You may use distraction to deal with your emotions - Oreos, overworking, scrolling on social media - take your pick of ways to ignore your emotions.  There is likely room to improve when it comes to your ability to tolerate your own feelings and a leverage them as a leader. Effective leadership and helping others as a leader depends on your ability to navigate your own emotions.  

Become more comfortable with your emotions for effective leadership skills

As I worked with my client, her singular focus was simple: become more comfortable with your own feelings. This meant noticing them, writing them down, and simply paying attention to them while breathing.  Using these strategies allowed her to increase her own emotional capacity, which would naturally extend in her parenting and other roles. 

The results of this for her were phenomenal. She had more patience with her child, which meant more connection and less stress. She also found herself more relaxed and focused in her business since there was no longer a rollercoaster of emotions every time a business strategy didn’t work as planned.  

The best part for her personally was an incredible sense of peace that entered her life every day.  Her stress levels for life and business became less and less. Isn’t that what we are all looking for?

Effective leadership means navigating your own emotions before you can help others navigate theirs

As a coach, leader, parent, or partner, we cannot effectively handle other’s emotions if we can’t tolerate our own. What will you do today to increase your own emotional capacity?  We work on this extensively in Coach Certification and Leadership Training.  It’s one of the fundamental principles of being effective in supporting others as they create lasting change.  Besides that, it’s the key to having better relationships in every area of your life.  Now that’s a skill worth developing! 

If you are ready to enhance your coaching skills or develop a more effective leadership style, apply for the program today!