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I am your host, Molly Claire, and I am so excited to dive in today with all of you. So, if you've been following me for a while, you know this is actually episode 200 of the Masterful Coach podcast.

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We are shifting gears, and in today's episode, I'm going to tell you why that is. And I'm going to tell you what you can expect out of this podcast. One thing I want you to know first and foremost is that this podcast is for you.

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As someone who is a seeker, someone wanting to grow, someone wanting to have the best possible life that you can have, as someone who knows that you're meant for more, there's something more for you, and you're not willing to let anything get in your way.

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You're not willing to let your own demons get in your way, and you're really, truly committed to positive and healthy growth. This is for you. So, let's talk a little bit about why the shift. I know I talked quite a bit about this last week, so I won't go too much into it.

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But in a nutshell, really, as I've been in the coaching world for a little over a decade and have been focusing on coaches specifically over the last several years and helping coaches to be able to develop skills and grow themselves in their business.

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I just kept finding that my favorite part of the work is truly the work that my clients as coaches are doing for themselves personally. And I really just wanted to expand and reach more people because I know that the work my coaches are doing, the work of knowing themselves, understanding themselves, discovering themselves so that they can be more powerful as a coach is more of what the world needs.

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And what I also know is that as I'm training my coaches in the four fundamentals of lasting change, which I'll get into in just a minute, I think every person needs to know and understand them. So while I'm still working with coaches, I'm still training coaches in Master Coach Training and in my coach certification and leadership training, I'm still doing that.

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This podcast is really for the ambitious soul, the seeker, for the truth seeker, and those of you who are just ready to really feel confident in your own ability to create the life you want. So let's do it.

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Let's do it. So as we move forward through the episodes, you're going to notice that we're talking both about intentional thinking and really thinking about who am I, who do I want to become, and what do I want to create from a very proactive perspective.

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And we're also talking about navigating the challenges, the unforeseen challenges that come your way. And in truth, these two things are one in the same. And it's sometimes a painful truth to admit because the things that come along that challenge us, we wish they weren't there.

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And we hate to think that we need them or they're part of the deal, but they just are. And in my experience, especially because you are a seeker, someone who wants to grow and learn and progress, that life is going to bring learning opportunities for you.

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That has certainly been the case for me. So as we're talking about this growth, we're talking about focusing on intention and proactivity. And also, how do we stay with ourselves in what's hard? How do we build the type of emotional resiliency within challenges that isn't just about grit, but is about actually understanding our own emotional world and cultivating something really powerful.

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So these are kind of these two aspects of the podcast that really are just one in the same. So that's really the focus. And along the way, I'm going to be teaching you some powerful concepts. I cannot wait to highlight what today's is, but I will be teaching you some concepts and I will also be touching on these four fundamentals of lasting change.

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So I talk much more about these in past episodes you can go listen to these but I'll just sit on them quickly here. So, and those of you that are seeing me on video and YouTube you can see I have the my good old four fundamentals right behind me here.

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So the four fundamentals of lasting change are essentially the ways that I work with my clients and that I train my coaches to work with their clients and this is understanding that every single person is is made up of different parts and I like to think about it as you as a human being will have certain entry points for change for you and not every entry point is going to be effective for everyone.

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So I'm sure you can all think about someone who may be a friend a sister a neighbor who just has a really different personality than you and an approach to change that might work for you would not work for that other person, right?

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So I know this is really basic, but it's this idea that we all can have different sort of points of entry, the ways that we will be most receptive to change or the ways in which like the support offered will be most effective.

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And it's also true that as human beings, we all have these same pieces and parts. And so I'll go ahead and break down what these four fundamentals are. So number one is mind mastery. And when I talk about mind mastery, and when my coaches work in the mind mastery space with their clients, it is really understanding that you, you listening to this right now, have thought patterns that you have on repeat over and over, the way that you think shapes your life, it shapes your experience of life, the way that you believe either limits or expands what's possible for you. It's really thoughts, beliefs, and what I call it of like frameworks, the ways we believe in which the world works, right?

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And so when it comes to mind mastery, and the way I'll be touching on this in the podcast is we have to acknowledge that each of us have ways of thinking that are pretty set unless we decide to change them.

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And the way we think about life matters, it impacts how we feel, it impacts our relationships, and it impacts what's possible for us. Okay. Number two is emotional resiliency. Now, when I refer to emotional resiliency, I'm not just talking about you having more grit, or being more hardy as you go through challenges.

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But what I'm actually talking about is and really highlighting is that as human beings, it's really important that we understand more about our own emotional world. And it's interesting because I've always been someone I would say who had an emotional sensitivity and emotional intuitiveness, able to read people a good amount of empathy.

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That's always been inherent in me. And yet it's been just like within this last decade where I've had to experience truly like the depths of some really big challenges. It's only through that, that I have truly come to know in an intimate way, my own emotional world and that part of me.

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And that's part of why I'm so passionate about bringing it into this work because that work for me, and as I brought it in with my clients, it's just, it's an absolute game changer. And the reality is that for most of us, we're taught to ignore our emotional world.

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We're taught to dismiss it. We're taught to minimize it. We're taught to manage the way we think in order to manage our emotional world, which while there's merit in that in some ways, it misses the mark in a really big way.

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And there's so much I could say about it and I will in coming episodes, but what I want you to know is that this podcast is going to be a space of opening up to more of an understanding of yourself emotionally, your emotional world and the wisdom and power in your emotional world.

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So that's fundamental two, number three is the nervous system. So the nervous system is the backdrop of all of our thoughts and our emotions. And we cannot even begin to talk about mastering our life, mind mastery, emotional resiliency, if we don't have an understanding of the nervous system, because understanding your nervous system states you personally noticing the red flags of being in a stress state and the green flags of being in a state of more openness and more creativity, where you have full access to your prefrontal cortex, recognizing those for yourself is one of the greatest keys to your success, not only in implementing change and in becoming who you want to be, but in really transforming your ability to be in relationship in a powerful way.

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So, that is number three. And again, this is why I trained my coaches to understand these different parts of the puzzle because every human being, every one of you listening right now, you have thought patterns, you have a unique emotional world and you have a nervous system with unique imprints on it.

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So if we don't understand these different pieces and parts, we're never going to be able to be truly effective at implementing change. Now, the fourth piece of the puzzle in these four fundamentals is action-focused strategies. And a plan of action is only going to be successful if we are understanding the mind, the emotions, the body, the nervous system. And so that's why I put it as the fourth, although truly you can begin with any one of these four for those of you my coaches that are listening.

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But the reason I put it last is that understanding how your mind works, your emotional world, your own emotional needs and understanding your nervous system will inform the way you set yourself up for success as you grow and achieve.

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So these are the four fundamentals that I will always be touching on and revisiting. And of course, those of you that are interested in one of my coach trainings, we dive deep into these, we embody these.

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So that is one of the core things that you will notice me referencing as we move through the concepts in this podcast. So all that being said, let's go ahead and shift to today's focus and the concept that I want to talk with you about, which is relationship with self and looking at self.

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So there is a fantastic quote that I'm gonna read this here for you. And you've probably heard different versions of this quote, but we're gonna talk about this quote and we're really going to see how it affects you, what it brings up for you.

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So I'm gonna read this and you can notice how it feels to you as you hear it. And then we're really gonna talk about it and think about how can we understand this quote in an entirely new way, okay? So the quote is by, I hope I'm saying this correctly, Leland Val Van De Wall.

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And it says, the degree to which a person can grow is directly proportional to the amount of truth they can accept about themselves without running away. Okay, I'm gonna read it again. I want you to notice how this feels to you.

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The degree to which a person can grow is directly proportional to the amount of truth they can accept about themselves without running away. Now for many people, and this was me for a very long time, I think we can hear a concept and a quote like this and realize that we have to be willing to see terrible things about ourself.

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We have to be willing to look at faults, problems. We need to be willing to look at, I'm like, the word is escaping me. We need to be willing to look at all the things that are wrong with us, okay? And here's what I want to offer you.

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I don't think that type of interpretation of a quote like this is ever going to serve any one of us. And what I'm gonna dive into in just a minute here is, how different our experience of a quote like this can be.

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So I wanna back up for just a minute and tell you a little bit about my experience of recording this podcast for you. So I am recording this podcast a mere two days before it goes live for you. And I had this podcast episode beautifully mapped out a couple of months ago, spent a lot of time and energy sifting through exactly what I was going to say.

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And then I redid it and then I redid it again. And then I've recorded it and recorded it again. And here I am. And along the way, I'll tell you some of the things that came up for me. Noticing creating pressure for myself to make this episode really good.

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Noticing swirling in my mind, things like. It's got to be great, you better be organized, it better be this, it better be that, don't screw it up, perfectionism absolutes in my mind, pressure, pressure, pressure.

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I notice that my feelings around this have often been tight and tense and again pressure. And so I say all of this because, well first of all, when we're talking about life mastery, we're really not talking about checking all the boxes and having everything figured out and having a perfect life.

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When we're talking about life mastery, when I'm talking about what life mastered is, it's about being real with ourselves. It's about being willing to be with ourselves. It's about that authenticity that so many of us want and we struggle to actually embody it.

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And so there are several reasons I offer up this story to you. Part of the reason I bring this story up is that I want to always be speaking about the real experiences behind the scenes as I'm leading and teaching you.

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And I want to use these as lessons because I think so often we compare someone else's exterior, their checklist of what they've achieved or succeeded or how great they are at whatever it is they're great at.

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We compare what we see on the outside of someone else with our internal experience, with our feelings of inadequacy, with our fears of failure. We compare something polished on the outside with the internal experience of struggling as a human being. And inevitably, we perceive that we'll never measure up. When in truth, underneath the outside of every person, there's an inner world. And every inner world, every person internally has their own struggles, their own emotions that are challenging for them, their own patterns that they want to overcome.

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This is what's real. And when I'm talking about a life mastered, when I'm talking about life mastery, I'm really talking about how real can we be with ourselves. So I went off on a little bit of a tangent there.

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But I say all of this because part of the reason I'm sharing this story with you is that as I'm talking with you about having a life that is mastered, I have my own fears and insecurities and times that I experience imposter syndrome.

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I still have emotions that come up that get in my way. I still have thought patterns that don't serve me. And it's okay. Because one of the things that I have learned and that I want to teach you, if we go back to this quote, is that the degree to which I'm able to grow is directly proportional to the degree to which I'm willing to look at myself without running away.

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And in this process of writing and rewriting and all of this back and forth, I can see that within that, maybe there are some ineffective patterns. And also within that process, it has opened up the opportunity for me time and again, to see and look, what's going on for me?

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What is this pressure about? What am I needing here? What am I afraid of here? And so you could see this quote unquote, like ineffective pattern, right? As a problem to be solved or we could allow it to be there and we can learn from every step along the way.

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So here we are two days before, this episode is completely different than I first imagined. And I'm so glad that it is because I feel as though I'm truly here with you. And my hope is that you are hearing and feeling something from what I'm sharing with you.

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So let's talk a little bit about, I'm just pulling up my notes here. So give me just a minute, here we go. So going back to this idea of that growth is proportional to the degree to which we're willing to look at ourselves without running away.

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And something I mentioned is that oftentimes what we think that means is being willing to look at what's wrong with us, our faults, our flaws, our imperfections. When actually, I think it means something much different than that.

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Okay, my entire screen just blipped out and my notes skipped to the top. Here we go. We're back. There is something here trying to keep me from sharing this last part of the podcast with you. So here's my question for you.

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When you think about being willing to look at yourself without running away, what is your experience of looking at yourself? When you see that maybe you reacted emotionally in a situation, in a negative emotional way, what you would perceive as negative, what is that like for you?

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Are you frustrated with yourself? Are you angry with yourself? Do you feel shame believing something is wrong with you? A lot of people would say yes. I would say yes to that not so long ago. When you are looking at emotions inside of you that you struggle to deal with, when you actually look at that, what is that like for you?

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Do you perceive that you shouldn't feel the way that you do? Do you perceive that you shouldn't need help? What is it I really want you to think about right now? Because let's back up a little bit. If we think about this idea, if you buy into this idea, which I do, I'm a big proponent of this idea that the more we can look at ourselves and be willing to look at ourselves and be willing to be with ourselves, the more we can grow, the more we can heal, the more we can have peace. And if we buy into this idea, then it doesn't, it makes sense that we would want to take a look at what our experience of looking at ourselves is actually like.

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Is it one of nitpicking and criticism and frustration and shame? Or is it or could it be one of curiosity and compassion? I think about the example of a child throwing a fit, right? Completely losing it.

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And there are certainly times when we also can't handle it, right? And we're like, stop throwing a fit. Why are you doing this, right? We may be frustrated, but that's about us, not them. But think about the times when we're settled and present enough, when someone who is with a child is present enough to say, hey, what's going on for you?

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What is it that you're needing? And when I think about this relationship with self and a willingness to look at ourselves, a willingness to look at our thoughts, emotions, our behavior patterns, all of those things.

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When I think about creating a, I want to use the word positive, but I don't know if that will quite land for you. But thinking about, doesn't it make sense that we could create an experience of looking at ourselves?

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It is perhaps more positive, but more than that is one of compassionate curiosity, one of wanting to understand ourselves, understand our fears, and actually be there for ourselves as we look at what's going on for us.

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And I'm going to give you a few specific examples here. What would be different if you could look at your own behavior patterns or thought patterns or ways of being that you don't really love? What if you could look at those with more curiosity?

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Curious as to, I wonder why I'm doing this. I wonder what I'm trying to accomplish, even though I'm not quite accomplishing it. I wonder what it is I need in order to change this habit. Do you notice the difference?

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There's a willingness to look at self and that looking itself becomes one of care and compassion. Another example, how about noticing when you're feeling big emotions and instead of trying to look away or move them away or deny them or believe they shouldn't be there, looking at the emotions you're experiencing and actually attending to yourself emotionally.

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This is what I mean by this. For me personally, this often means journaling and writing down, this is what I'm feeling. Why is this feeling hard for me? Why is it that I'm struggling with this emotion in such a big way?

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And how can I actually care for myself? How can I look at myself in these feelings and care enough about my own well-being to allow these emotions to settle and to be heard and to be sorted? I'm going to give you another example.

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What would it be like if you could recognize your own states of stress, the times when maybe you're more reactive, maybe you're overworking, maybe you're getting into a stress state that is having a negative impact on others, and instead of criticizing yourself and saying you need to stop doing this, what if you could look at that with compassion and acceptance?

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Noticing, of course, I'm having this kind of response. What triggered this? When we can look at our nervous system with compassion and acceptance, it gives us a better shot at actually increasing our window of tolerance in our nervous system, which means that we can tolerate more of the ups and downs of life much better, but we've got to start with that compassion and acceptance.

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And one more suggestion that I'll make as we finish up this episode is can you choose when you are looking at your mind? When you are looking at yourself in your mind, in your emotions, in your nervous system, in your behavior patterns.

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And we think about this idea of being willing to look without running away. What if you can choose to be your greatest ally? Believing in yourself unconditionally, being willing to help yourself no matter what to make the changes that you need to make.

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Alright, I hope this episode has been helpful for you. Take in some of these concepts. Take what resonated for you. I would love it if you would just pick one thing that stood out for you today and bring it into your life.

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And by the way, I would love, love, love to hear your comments on the new podcast. Pop over to Instagram if you have a minute. I would be honored if you would leave me a review here and I cannot wait to share with you some really powerful episodes in the weeks to come. I'll talk with you next week.