the

masterful coach

Podcast

the

masterful coach

Podcast

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How thought-work can be detrimental: What you need to know

balance in thoughtwork coaching clarity coaching mentorship ethical use of thought work mindset work in coaching misuse of thought work thoughtwork Oct 02, 2024
Molly Claire talked about effective thought work strategies and how to use thought work as part of a whole person approach in coaching. On the podcast graphics there is a photo of Molly on the right side wearing a light blue shirt with ruffles, she is looking at the camera and smiling. On the left side of the graphic is the podcast logo with the podcast title beneath.

The Dangers of a Thought-Work Only Approach in Coaching: My Story

This week on the podcast, I'm diving deep into a topic that's close to my heart—how a thought-work only approach to coaching can be not just limiting but downright detrimental. Trust me, I don't use the word "detrimental" lightly. It's a strong term, and I'm here to unpack why I believe it's crucial to broaden our understanding of transformation beyond mere thought management.

The most important message I can give to coaches about thought work

Typically, I like to keep my energy positive, but today's message carries a weight that I can't ignore. Too many mindset coaches are feeling frustrated with their thoughts, emotionally activated, or caught in a cycle of self-criticism that no amount of "mind management" seems to alleviate. If you've ever sensed that something is missing in a thought-work-only approach—whether for yourself or your clients—you are sensing something important. 

I've been in that dark place personally and coached dozens of people who found themselves there too. I've witnessed firsthand how an overly simplistic focus on thoughts can lead to critical self-judgment and emotional distress. While it's always been a priority for me to help my clients soften that harsh internal dialogue and create safe practices, I'm speaking out now more than ever about what every coach must know.

The Evolution of My Understanding

While I've touched on elements of this topic in the past, this week, I'm taking a stand. If you believe that thoughts are everything when it comes to transformation, it's time to reconsider. Yes, changing your thoughts is powerful. But when we use thought work in isolation, it can also be damaging. This thought work only perspective neglects vital scientific insights about how our thoughts, emotions, and nervous systems interact.

If you're feeling a bit of resistance to what I'm saying, that's okay. I understand. I once fully embraced the notion that all problems stemmed from thoughts. While I saw incredible transformations during my early coaching years, it wasn't long before I began noticing adverse effects among my clients. At first, I attributed these to a "misuse" of thought work. But the reality was more complex.

Understanding the Whole Person vs. a Thought Work Only approach

The key takeaway here is simple yet profound: not all feelings arise from thoughts. Emotions have their own narratives and are often stored within our bodies, carrying important messages. The nervous system plays a crucial role in this interplay, and a "thoughts create feelings" perspective ignores that. In fact, 80% of messages travel from our bodies to our brains, not the other way around.

For example, a sympathetic nervous system response can hijack your thinking, shutting down your prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain responsible for rational thought. This is why relying solely on thought work can backfire. Ignoring the emotional and physiological aspects of our experiences can heighten trauma responses and create a cycle of cognitive bypassing.

A Personal Turning Point

In my personal journey, I did experience significant growth through thought work. Yet, only after I hit rock bottom—feeling overwhelmed and powerless in a relationship (despite my best efforts)—did I realize how much I was missing. The right therapist came into my life (thank goodness) and could see that I wasn't "to blame" for my reactions. I'll never forget her words to me: 

Molly, this is not your fault and these issues are not you.  You are having these reactions for very real reasons, and they need to be addressed.

Hearing this was everything, and yet it was only the beginning of a complete dismantling of the damage done to my psyche. 

For the next few years, I sifted through my own beliefs, distinguishing between unhelpful thought patterns and legitimate emotional responses. This process was difficult (to say the least). However, it led to a deep understanding that impacts my clients still today: thought work, while powerful, needs to be integrated with a more comprehensive understanding of emotions and the body.

The Path Forward: Using thought work as part of a holistic approach

While I had already begun integrating nuanced approaches with my clients, I went all in on ensuring a complete picture for my coaches-in-training.  I began integrating emotion-focused techniques and trauma-informed practices into my coaching and was finally able to equip my clients to do the same in their work.  I learned what it really means to "be with" my emotions and actually know myself at a deep level.  This fostered deep self-connection, self-trust, and a certainty of self within me that is almost impossible to explain.  I've also learned and begun teaching about the importance of understanding relationship dynamics and how thought work can easily excuse harmful behaviors. A thought-work only approach can lead to disconnection, not just from oneself but also from others.  Even worse, it can make it easy to overlook abuse and make it nearly impossible to spot covert abuse, even "assisting," in a sense, an abuser's ability to gaslight you.  After all, if the only problem is your thoughts and you get to choose them… there is nothing to look at but you.  

But abuse is REAL, and it has a real impact on our psyche as human beings.  As coaches, we have a responsibility to understand abusive and unhealthy relationship patterns and to support our clients in paying attention to what their nervous system is doing, rather than blaming themselves for valid responses. 

A Call to Action for Coaches

As coaches, we have a profound responsibility. Adopting a whole-person perspective that considers the intricate interplay of thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations is essential. Our clients' lives depend on our ability to provide safe, ethical, and informed guidance.

Collectively, we've got to continue learning and deepening our understanding of thoughts, emotions,  the nervous system, and how action patterns interact with all of it. Remember, we have the power to change lives—not just in terms of achieving goals but in helping clients feel connected, confident, and at peace with who they are.

Imagine a world where you and your clients can fully embrace your emotions, trust your intuition, and connect deeply with yourselves and others. This is what is happening for my clients and their clients, and this vision is possible for you too

Let's work together to ensure our coaching practices are holistic, empowering, and ultimately life-changing. The ripple effect of this work can transform not just individual lives but communities and beyond.

I'm honored to be on this journey with you! The work we do is sacred, and the impact we can make is immeasurable.

 

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