[00:00:00] Molly: Okay, Meg, you ready for some coaching

[00:00:05] Meg: course, Molly? I'm excited to be in this space with you.

[00:00:10] Molly: Let's do it. Okay. So I know you sent in a few, several different inquiries and I relate to all, I always have a huge list of things that I would like help with from my coach. Um, there's never a shortage is there?

Ever,

[00:00:25] Meg: never, never a day. Nope.

[00:00:26] Molly: Never, never. So a couple of things that stood out to me, and I just want to start a conversation and kind of see where this goes, but one thing that you wanted some help with is you said, you're noticing many of your self judgments around your daily griefs. And giving yourself permission to allow them.

And I know in master coach training, of course, we've been talking a lot about grief. So it's been kind of, you know, front and center. We've all been mindful of it and mindful of the ways that it shows up. Um, so I'm guessing that's maybe what has. Kind of ushered in this awareness for you

[00:01:05] Meg: for sure. And really just open up the, the normalizing that I have them and I don't have to push them down.

Like it is a part of my human experience. Um, and it's not just me that has them. Everyone does.

[00:01:19] Molly: Yes, yes.

And of course, something that we've just kind of backing up for, for people listening to the coaching session. Um, You know, we, we often think of grief as something like when someone dies, right? Or when there is what we would consider a major loss in our life.

When in truth, as human beings, we experience grief anytime We expected or wanted something and it didn't happen the way that we thought it would, right? It's that perceived loss. So that's really what you're referring to is, is noticing, um, the ways in which you experience moments of grief, but tell me a little bit more about, um, first how your awareness around this has changed, because it sounds like you've kind of been aware of it, but maybe didn't know how to name it, and so I'm curious to know what's What's going on for you now that wasn't going on for you before with regard to these feelings of grief?

[00:02:28] Meg: So, um, like you just said, when I think of grief, I think of a loss. Typically, I think of a loss of someone or an experience or something like that. And I did lose my dad very suddenly some years ago. And of course, there was a whole pile of grief around that situation. Um, and for years, I would say to myself, I would experience this, um, daily grief, you know, my expectation not really coming into fruition a day.

And then I would be like, Meg, you got through your dad dying. This is nothing like, just, just keep going. This is nothing. You don't, you don't. Need to spend any space here. You've been through that. So it was just very judgmental and, um, not very supportive in allowing myself to grow as I compared my journey to like my worst, which was losing my dad.

[00:03:24] Molly: So kind of like for a while, it sounds like anytime you've really had. Almost any kind of negative feelings, maybe correct me where I'm wrong, but you're feeling something negative or disappointed or any kind of frustration and basically telling yourself, well, it's not so bad. That was bad. And you got through that.

So, so stop.

[00:03:45] Meg: Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:03:48] Molly: And so, and I know there's been a slight shift for you, but help me understand. What that is. So now on a daily basis, when you're, give me an example of some of the things that might happen or where you're noticing some feelings coming up and what that experience is like for you now.

[00:04:08] Meg: Even as I say this, it sounds ridiculous, but like for my grief of the day, right? That's. It's something small, but today, um, my kids don't have school today, which is great. I'm so excited. I get to spend the day with them. However, I totally forgot that they had this day off and I had a laundry list of things I was going to get done today.

And now it's like, I've decided to put those things to rest, but I still like, I feel grief. Like my expectations were here. I feel like I'm almost being torn with what I value, which is family time, which is what versus what I intended in my day. So it's just like allowing myself to pause and, and experience the difference and accept my decision of.

I am going to spend the day with my kids today.

[00:05:06] Molly: So as we look at this situation where you realize the kids have the day off, was it this morning that you realized?

[00:05:12] Meg: No,

last night I gave myself a little time.

[00:05:17] Molly: Just so you know, I also have a child home today and I also hadn't anticipated it very far in advance and.

Here we are, right? Here we are. So, um, so let me ask you, so you realized it and then you took some time to, to kind of, did you look at the options of, okay, well I could stay with my to do list or I could shift my attention here. Tell me what that looked like for you.

[00:05:48] Meg: Um, I really allowed it to be a no brainer decision because the last handful of times my kids have been home.

I have chosen work. I have had work things I've wanted to do, needed to do. And I just kind of said, kids will do something another time. But then when this opportunity came up, it was no, this is the time I'm, I'm, I'm taking advantage of this one today.

Okay.

[00:06:15] Molly: Um, so, so what about this exactly? Is hard for you,

[00:06:27] Meg: then, you know, I, I still have the to do list. Where am I going to insert that into my world? Those expectations of my day still need to happen. So then is that this weekend is that early next week? What does that look like? So I just know that there's a trickle down effect for my decision.

[00:06:48] Molly: So what else about this is hard for you?

[00:07:03] Meg: Um,

let's say like turning off my brain and, and to allow myself to be fully present today with my kids.

[00:07:17] Molly: Okay. So I want to show you a few things. And then I want to see if there's anything you have to add to this, because there are a few different things happening that are actually separate things. But they're all kind of meshing together to create more, maybe uncertainty for you, maybe unrest, something like that.

I'm not sure. And we can, we can get to what that is, but there's one element that you brought up of feeling this grief, maybe some disappointment that I thought I was going to do this and now I'm not. So there's that. Then there's the other piece, which is. Well, I know those things need to happen at some point, there's going to be a trickle down effect.

And it sounds like there hasn't really been a decision made about what you'll do with those tasks. And then, there's the struggle of being present, which may actually be related to the other two. So, is there anything else you would throw into the mix? About what's also, yeah, go ahead.

[00:08:36] Meg: Yeah. So like, as going back to the grief piece and my to do list of today, my major thing of today is promoting a workshop that I'm having next week and knowing that today registration closes and I would love to get some more people invited.

And if I don't, I don't, you know, the outcome of the workshop will be not as impactful, you know, there will be, um, less people involved. I'll have to make decisions with fewer numbers, kind of alter what my plans are. Um, so there's, I will say that's all grief in there too.

[00:09:20] Molly: Okay. And I think what seems to be, tell me if this lands for you at all, but it seems like in the space of not doing your to do list today, Sounds like there are many different emotions and, and quite a bit of activation with regard to that situation.

[00:09:41] Meg: Yeah. And we can put judgments on there too. .

[00:09:44] Molly: Yeah. Yeah. Right. Add that to the snowball. Just pile them all up. We got grief, we got disappointment. We got judgment. We've got 8 million Yes. Emotions, that are Mm-Hmm. That are brewing.

[00:09:57] Meg: Yes.

[00:09:57] Molly: Okay. So. I'm curious to know with making this decision to focus on being with the kids today, I'm wondering if you gave enough time and attention.

To the space of your business. And I want to be clear that I'm not suggesting that the decision you made to be present with your kids today is wrong or right for that matter, it's very personal, but I am wondering if because of what had happened before and maybe possibly some leftover guilt from that.

I don't know. Maybe. Yes. Maybe.

[00:10:39] Meg: Maybe. Maybe.

[00:10:42] Molly: Right? So because of that, it seems to me that maybe you made the decision very quickly without giving yourself a minute to even assess and actually make a decision in this moment. Does that make sense?

[00:10:58] Meg: Um, it does make sense, but I, I don't know that I agree with it.

Because, like I said, you know, I knew this last night, so, and I'm an early riser, so I spent my morning, like, Doing the things I could do in, I had three hours this morning, so I did get some things done before they even woke up. Okay. So I didn't get everything that I was on my urgent list done, but like, I, I feel like I am, I put an effort today, focused effort today.

So, um,

[00:11:38] Molly: Okay. So I'm going to back up and ask something a little bit differently. Um, did you give proper attention to your. Business as the CEO of your business, or only as the worker be of your business.

[00:12:02] Meg: Uh, definitely not CEO. She was not there. She was, she was on vacation during that meeting

for her.

[00:12:10] Molly: So I think this is what, this is what I mean.

And I think probably the, the wording didn't land and it makes sense that it doesn't really resonate with you. What I said about not giving proper attention there because you were in fact putting time and attention on both. However, I'm curious to know, had you looked at it like, okay, when I'm looking at the big picture of what I want in my ideal life and business, right?

Where we're anchoring ourselves in a business that supports the life that we want. Did you give the, did you give the CEO attention to say, okay, if I'm going to make this choice to be with my kids as CEO, what do I need to do to make sure that I am handling what is undone in a way that is satisfactory so that I can be present because it's almost like right now you made the decision to give the time and attention to your kids.

But because that piece is missing, you're not really totally following through with that decision in that your brain can't rest and stay focused on the kids.

[00:13:36] Meg: Yeah. And as you say that it's, you know, back to the CEO brain,

I guess, um, I, I don't trust my CEO brain. Is I think what, what I'm, when I'm listening to you, I see your brain would have been here on Monday and would have already had a plan. I had a different, um, almost plan of attack or something so that it wouldn't be the last minute of registration day and stressed.

Like she would have, she would have supported me differently.

[00:14:11] Molly: So what does that, and I say this not with Not in an effort to shut this down, right? Because you know, you know, me well enough to know this question is with curiosity to have more understanding of what's happening in your brain. So what does not making, like not making a different choice on Monday, what does that have to do with your CEO brain today?

[00:14:49] Meg: Um,

I don't know the answer. I feel like it.

[00:15:03] Molly: Was your CEO brain there on Monday?

[00:15:07] Meg: I like to think that answer is yes. I feel like I have a plan. I'm following things. I definitely go off course, but I try to come back on course. You know that I'm managing a couple of different, um, ventures at the same time.

Yeah. Yeah.

Um, but, but I have a calendar. I have a to do list.

Like I mapped out things. So I like to think she was there. Um, but maybe the part of her, maybe the CEO part of her is, part of her is organized, but then there's another part of, of CEO, right? Is deadlines. It's, you have to, it's, um, accountability, I guess.

[00:15:50] Molly: So let's do

that. So maybe that's

the part.

Let's go to last night when you realized what the situation was.

And tell me what came up for you.

[00:16:05] Meg: Um,

right. It's, I have a choice either I can work tomorrow and the kids can be on screens all day, or I can enjoy the day with my kids and tell, but do my business stuff on that another time.

[00:16:19] Molly: Okay. And how did you feel?

[00:16:25] Meg: Um, excited that I got to spend the day with my kids and conflicted, right? I have goals. I have deadlines. Like I have those things too, that I know that I would be saying no to.

[00:16:40] Molly: Okay. So when you think I have a choice, I can be with my kids. Or I can follow through with my business. How does it feel to think that that's your choice?

[00:16:54] Meg: Um,

like a lose, lose situation.

[00:16:57] Molly: Yeah. Yeah. And I think I love that this is coming up, not because I love how it feels to you, obviously, but because this highlights. Such a common and, um, both something that's very common and something that when shifted can make a huge difference because, and I see your face, I'm like, okay, Meg, maybe knows where I'm going with this.

[00:17:30] Meg: No, I'm just listening. Go Molly. Go. That's what I'm

saying.

[00:17:33] Molly: But notice that when you're thinking, I have a choice, I can either be with my kids Or I can get work done in my business. You're believing these two parts of your life are in conflict with each other. When actually they're both a part of the ideal life you are creating.

They are not in competition with each other. They can be cooperative parts of the big picture. What's coming up for you when I suggest that idea?

[00:18:09] Meg: Uh, what's coming up for me and makes me laugh is, I've heard it so many times, right? And I feel like I do try to blend them. And in this case, I'm still practicing, right? Sometimes I do it very seamlessly, but then this, this isn't a situation I face all the time, right? Days off of work, last minute. That's not something I've practiced navigating yet versus like the day to day.

I have that nice blend. And they can compliment each other. But in this situation, I'm still practicing.

[00:18:46] Molly: Which, and I'm curious to know when you, when you think last night, when you realized this, was there some emotional activation when you saw like, maybe like, Oh no,

[00:18:58] Meg: for sure. Like you just saying it, my stomach is just like tingly and you know, like I feel it for sure.

[00:19:03] Molly: Yes. And so it makes sense. That when we, when we're a little more activated, right, we go into problem solving, we go into that. Just like I said before, was the CEO there or was the worker be there? Right? So it sounds like the worker B came in, in that moment last night. And, and, and remember that when we, when we have that emotional activation like that, we don't have as much access to that prefrontal cortex.

Right. Right. Which we know is like our, the CEO brain truly, right? It is the CEO brain. And so it makes complete sense that you would have immediately gone to old ways of thinking this. Well, I have a choice. It's either this or this. And then in a way you've been operating in that way ever since, right?

Kind of these absolutes and, and because there wasn't that moment of. Of being able to pause. I think it, um, and totally normal, right? That this happened. It's like you missed out on that opportunity to be able to think at that higher level as to how can I solve this in a way that supports what I'm ultimately working toward what's coming up for you as I'm saying all of this.

[00:20:36] Meg: Um,

It is like 100 percent truth, right? I have practiced this. I teach this when I coach, but when we're in it, it, it just, it's that outside perspective that makes all the difference for sure.

[00:20:59] Molly: Yeah.

[00:20:59] Meg: Um, and I, I know that everything you just said is true and it's remembering to pause. It's remembering to, to go, okay, hold on.

Breathe what's happening so that I can write, make that informed decision, um, clearly versus reacting.

[00:21:21] Molly: Yes. And this is where it's so useful for us to kind of flag those flag, those moments, right? Flag what it feels like when we feel activated, because then we know, hold on. I know that any decision I make in this moment.

Is most likely not going to be the most clear and effective decision, right? Or flagging times that we have this all or nothing thinking or absolutes or flag the thinking, if you notice that you're believing these two things are in competition, okay, this is an indication that I'm not totally centered.

And so I just want to say a few things that I think that first of all, Normal that you did this normal, that your brain went there normal, that your body and your emotions went there. And such a great opportunity to be here and highlight this because guess what? The next time this happens, you're going to remember this conversation.

And then it's going to be okay. How do I actually solve for the situation? And it allows that opportunity for you to ground yourself, right? Whether it's tapping, breathing, whatever it is, just to bring yourself down into that calm state and then access. That higher level thinking, what you know to be true, which is you're building a business that supports your ideal life.

And that really doesn't mean an either or it means that every decision is made with your ultimate goal in mind and you feeling supported as you move forward.

What do you think, Meg?

[00:23:25] Meg: Well, just hearing, you know, that Mark it as a flag, right? It's when you first started talking, it was like, Oh yes. Okay. Meg think days off equal. I will, I want to prepare for them. I want to make a decision. And that's like, no, no, no. But we're actually talking about is no allowing myself to notice and respond to that feeling within me.

Right. And pausing there. It's not just cause it was a day off of school. It's that was my feeling, right? That's what I'm really, um, Wanting to mark and cause I'm so visual. I just imagine like a flagpole going in

right there.

[00:24:11] Molly: I mean, it's true because we can all do the very best we can to plan ahead, but we don't have to be afraid of.

Like missing something like this and believing that then we have to panic and then it's a disaster. No, what we can do, right? Just like you said, like you're put that flag in the ground, right, right in your stomach. Okay. This emotion is an indication that I'm going into a little bit of panic, a little bit of freak out.

This emotion is an indication that I might make a decision. That's not going to play out very well.

[00:24:49] Meg: Yeah. And, and not that that emotion is a problem. No, that it's there, right? I am human. I'm, I'm allowed to have that emotion, but I also can use that flag to bring clarity to whatever my decision is.

[00:25:03] Molly: Absolutely. Because that emotion is that it's that survival, right? I have to fix this. I have to take care of this.

And so what I would love. To offer you is when we get off of this call, I want you to take the time to think about what it is that is most important that you accomplish in the business side of things and what things can absolutely go. off of that to do list today. And when I say off, I don't want it to be floating in space.

I want it to actually physically be moved on your calendar. And then I want you to think realistically about your time. And when I say that, what I mean is just looking at the amount of time. That those priorities in your business. And, and by the way, you can also make the decision that you're not going to do anything in your business.

I want to be clear that I'm not pushing you to spend more time in one area or another, but I know you. And what I've heard from you is that there are things business wise that you would like to check off today. Is that true? Yes. So I want you to bring that CEO brain, decide exactly what will be done and what will not be done and move things that will not be done.

And quantify exactly how much time those things are going to take and then have a clear plan of when you are checking off those boxes and when you are with your kids and present,

because that's going to be a more directed decision where it's actually directing your attention. Because otherwise it's like, you're not really with your kids and you're not really with your business either.

Right. And

that's not worth it,

[00:27:10] Molly: right? You might as well just come visit me and we'll go on a walk instead and get some lunch.

Okay, Meg. That's what I want you to do. You've got this.

[00:27:24] Meg: Thank you, Molly. You are wonderful. And thank you for helping me enjoy my day with my kids.

[00:27:29] Molly: You're so welcome. Send me a picture. Okay.

[00:27:32] Meg: Okay.