Molly Claire 00:45

Hello, coaches. Welcome to our conversation today. We've got Crystal Hansen back. Hello, Crystal. This is going to be such a great conversation. So this is true when Crystal and I first popped on Zoom, we both simultaneously had this flashback, like five years ago, right, of when Crystal, when you were first training to become a coach, and I was your instructor, and it was just, it was the most bizarre moment. Here we are five years later, so much life. So crazy. So, this is going to be such a fun conversation. So those of you listening, Crystal is a relationship coach. She is phenomenal at what she does. She has extensive training, you know, since that time of certifying Crystal and I worked together, she was in a program with my sister and I, and then she's done a program with my sister who specializes in relationship work. So Crystal is well-trained and just phenomenal at what she does. And what we're talking about specifically on the podcast today is we're talking about a thought work approach to coaching or working with mindset, and we're talking about what is beyond that, what is alongside that, what is the way that we use that work that is actually effective. So that's what we're going to be talking about today. And I want to make sure that you all know that at the time, this is airing on March 5th, this next Monday, the 10th, there is a live interactive style webinar where I am teaching something specifically about advanced mindset work, what is beyond thought work. So this really today is going to be a great conversation that Crystal and I are having, and you're going to gain so much from it. And if you want more teachings along this, go to my website, mollyclaire.com, and you can register for the webinar because it's going to be just phenomenal. So let's get started, Crystal. Let's talk. 

Crystal Hansen 02:46

Well, first of all, thank you for all the kind words and I can attest that everything that you do is amazing because like you said, I've been with you forever. 

Molly Claire 02:55

That's one of the things I love about coaching for ourselves, right? Is that it's almost like, okay, we have this obligation to keep learning and growing because we have to for our clients, but thank goodness, right? Because we receive the benefits of always learning and growing. 

Crystal Hansen 03:08

Yes, yes, my favorite continuing education ever. 

Molly Claire 03:12

Yeah. So, Crystal, we both started out with a mindset approach, right? I found the thought work, the thought model, went all in on it, of course, trained you in that. And I know both of us have definitely expanded beyond that. And I think that I think it's important to recognize that thought work and mindset work is so important and so impactful. And there are times when it doesn't work. And I'm going to say even more often than that, there are times that it's absolutely fantastic when used with a more integrative approach where we're understanding more about mind, body, nervous system, emotions, all of that. Crystal, just tell us about how you first came to mindset work. 

Crystal Hansen 03:58

You know, I was in a very high pressure job. I was a part owner in a property management company. I had done real estate forever. I had done several startups with my husband. So I was constantly on call. And I remember finding a podcast that was like, how to say no and how to find more time or how to like, I was constantly looking for something that was gonna make my life easier. So I was introduced to this whole mindset work thing. And I'm like, oh, this is great. This gives me control. And this gives me some power, it gives me my power back, which felt so good. But what I noticed as I kept going down that path is, oh, this doesn't work for everything. This is actually like, this is actually swinging the pendulum to another way in so many other aspects of my life. So I was creating a problem in other areas. And so I'm like, there's got to be a better fix here because therapy doesn't work. And this like just, thought work doesn't work either. So we've got to figure something out. 

Molly Claire 04:53

Yeah, I mean, and you know, I had a podcast episode specifically on how a thought work only approach is detrimental, right? So I definitely, those of you listening, I definitely recommend you go listen to that because there can be a pretty dark side to going all in on believing everything is about thoughts. You always have a decision in how you think, no matter what, it's kind of like, okay. And there's a little bit more to the picture than that because we also have a nervous system and there are many things that happen automatically, immediately, all of that. I know I can say for me that same thing when I found this thought work model, right? And at the time it was the LCS model, the CTFAR, it had such a fantastic impact for sure. And it was very life changing. I can honestly say that, right? And then I think what the big problem is when we really do believe it's the end all be all and we think it's everything and we start to have these absolute viewpoints about it. Right? I know that's where I got into trouble with it because what that means is then it's almost like we get caught up in this idea that we now have, I'm using this to the extreme, right? But 100% of the time we get to choose exactly what we're thinking and we can control every thought. And if we can control every thought, then we can control every emotion and that therefore, this is where our brain goes, right? Negative thoughts are bad and wrong and I shouldn't do that. And negative feelings are my fault. And so I better fix this. And so I think it's interesting how it can turn into something where the purpose and the intention or I guess I'll say the power in understanding the mind is acknowledging the ways that we can have a more expansive view, the ways in which we can be in that place of having more power within the situation in our lives. And yet when we go to this extreme place in our mind, it feels like the opposite, right? Because now instead of it becoming a tool for awareness and expansion, it becomes a new way, a new weapon that we're using to criticize ourselves, shut down our thoughts, shut down our emotions and box us in. It can be pretty bad, right? 

Crystal Hansen 07:25

Yes. And I even remember like, and you actually helped me with this, like when I was doing that program with you and Amy, being in that was so great because it definitely gave me a gateway to not weaponizing the model. But I think that when we have this whole idea that emotions, like a negative emotion is the worst thing that you're going to experience. That's kind of where it teed up for me because I was like, okay, the worst thing that's going to happen, I'm going to we know now, like all this training, all this education, it's actually a lot worse than that. It's actually a lot deeper. Unprocessed emotion is stored in the body. It causes health issues. It disintegrates relationships. It like gets in the way of our ability to show up in a daily setting. So looking at it from that point, like even situations like that where it's like we're going to minimize emotion and the effect that they have on us is really damaging. 

Molly Claire 08:17

That's right. I think that's it, right? And for those of you listening too, I mean, think about that. How often do we regularly minimize or dismiss our own emotions or those of others? And this is kind of stepping a sidestep from the thought model or mindset work, right? But how often in the world is it like, oh, I'm just being so emotional. They're just emotional, right? We talk about it like that, but our emotions are so important. We need to pay attention to them. We need to attend to them. And to your point, more and more research is showing how emotions in the body will cause illness, will cause pain, guaranteed. And if we think for one second that our emotions are just some annoyance in our life that we need to switch with a thought, we're dead wrong. 

Crystal Hansen 09:09

Yes, we are and it for you and I know especially we've talked about this many of times We are dead wrong and flat out in bed for who knows how long because then our bodies are paying for it.

Molly Claire 09:21

I know. Well, and one of my favorite books that I, you know, talk about all the time and every time I bring it up, I'm like, and by the way, if the author of this book is listening, I want you on my podcast. Jonice Webb and it's Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. And when I found this book and started reading and understanding the effect on and keep in mind, like this book is referring to people and, you know, with situations where there was just repeated, pretty intense emotional neglect for a variety of reasons. But the reality of the situation is that every one of us have experienced many, many times when our emotional needs were not met. And I think, you know, at a cultural level, there is this message of stop feeling that way, stop crying, right? Be more logical. And we don't give emotions enough respect and space. And one of the things that she highlights in the book is how when we look at human beings, our emotions developed long before our ability to think. And so it's like, that is more a part of us than our thoughts. And, you know, one of the quotes, I wish I had it exactly. But basically, like, our emotions are as much a part of us as our fingernails, right, as our, as our body. And we don't often realize that. 

Crystal Hansen 10:50

Absolutely not. We definitely don't.

Molly Claire 10:52

Yeah. So this idea that, well, whenever we're experiencing anything, like what is your mindset and how do we fix that mindset to make this better or make it go away? We're not giving adequate respect and time to our feelings, right? And what, like, I would love to hear from you as we're talking about this, like what's coming to mind for you in terms of the implications of this, the impact of this for either you or your clients, you know, with a more of just looking at mindset all the time. 

Crystal Hansen 11:21

Yeah, I mean, I can speak to both. I mean, personally, I know how it's affected me. I know that it has definitely put me in a place where I've been stuck. I haven't been able to move forward. Relationships have deteriorated. My personal health has deteriorated from that. That being said, I also see, this is where I see couples get stuck all the time because that black and white thinking, it separates. It kind of puts you both on an island where it's like, will you manage your mind and I'll manage my mind and then somehow we're gonna magically figure out how we're gonna have connection. Like it just doesn't work that way. Like, and especially couples are a little different too because it's the only relationship that you have that is like it. 

Crystal Hansen 12:01

So it is definitely a hybrid, which led me to doing so much extra training just because of that.I mean, couples work is very different. There's no other relationship like that. 

Molly Claire 12:10

Yeah, absolutely. It's so true. You know, and as you're talking about, I'm thinking how… let me backup, because we're kind of talking about we can't just do thought work alone, there's so much more to it, right? And let's talk about the ways that we use mindset work and awareness of thought patterns in really beneficial ways, right? When we can understand the bigger picture of how things work in the human mind. 

Crystal Hansen 12:41

Yeah, for sure. Well, I still think that is such a foundational piece and I always speak to it as it's a tool of many, right? There's many tools to healing. This like more mindset model is definitely one tool of many. I think it's one of the important ones because it really is the quickest way to awareness. Like we can get aware, we can get self aware, we can start owning our part in things, start self confronting. It's a really great way to do that. I also like it too because nobody wants to feel miserable for a long time. Or if somebody doesn't understand why they're doing something, it's a really good way that it's like, okay, if we're not just fixing it, if it can't just fix, there's something underneath. So it's a really good like big flashing light of like, hey, there's some work here. And then we can kind of dive in and see if this is going to be what type of approach we have to go into to start getting results. So yeah, it's a blessing in the sense of awareness. And it helps with all of those things. But it can also lead us to healing and it depends on what path.

Molly Claire 13:43

Yeah, totally. And you know, one of the things that I'm gonna talk more about this, of course, on the live webinar that's coming up next week, but when I'm training my master coaches, the approach we take is we understand where and how mindset can be the perfect entry point for someone. Because sometimes it can, and sometimes mindset alone can be enough, right? Where we can help someone change the framework of something and it's magic, but that's only going to work if there aren't some emotions underneath that first need to be attended to, right? And so this is where we learn about mindset, we learn when is it the entry point, and then we also learn about emotions, what are the indications that the client is having an emotion come up that actually just needs to be paid attention to immediately, right? This is what we often refer to as the bottom up model, right? So the top down model is like, okay, what are the thoughts that are creating feelings and driving all of this? And then the bottom up is saying we start with the body and emotions, right? And so I think as coaches, when we can get the education to learn, to differentiate and see with our client, right? Okay, this client, we really just need to look at some mindset or that's the entry point, right? This client, okay, they're having a lot of activation here. We need to be with the emotions or we need to do a technique to actually make sure that their nervous system is regulated in this moment, right? And other times also, I think that, I always think about it as like different entry points for different clients, right? And so sometimes we can have a client where I'll give you an example. So one of my clients, very early on, she was an action taker. She just wanted to take action, right? And at the time I was primarily focused on thought work. And so it's like, we come to the session and she had no time or patience to be talking about her thoughts. And that was okay, right? And so what we did is we would set some goals for her and we would talk about that. And then in the conversation, in the coaching, right? I'm able to bring in some of the mindset work and I'm able to help her have a plan with some of the emotions that come up. And so what I'm doing as a coach with her is I'm doing mindset work through the framework of understanding more about the body and all the needs that she has, but we're really focusing on in her mind, those actions. And the reason I bring this up is that if the client has action as kind of their coaching love language, if we're gonna call it that, then we've got to meet them where they are. We have to meet them where they are or we're gonna be just beating a dead horse, trying to get them to look at their mindset and it's never going to work. And it's just gonna erode trust in the coach-client relationship also. 

Crystal Hansen 16:45

Absolutely. I was thinking that as you were talking about that, I'm like, that's the beauty of really learning and expanding your education far beyond just one or two tools because we have to meet our clients where they are. If we want them to have progression, if we want to be able to help them, we do have to meet them where they are. And for somebody who is action-driven, you painted this beautiful example of how you really can still teach all of these things, but it comes from the ability of knowing all these other tools. 

Molly Claire 17:13

Yeah. I mean, and I think that's really why I am so passionate about the holistic approach that I do in all my trainings, all my work, because yes, we're helping our client with maybe one area of their life or, you know, one certain way of even coaching, right? But in truth, if we don't understand more about the psychology of behavior, the biology of behavior, right? The implications, it's like, you know, we can't really do that service justice without that broader understanding. Okay, this is so awesome, Crystal. Tell me any final thoughts on this topic of, you know, mindset work, the power in it, going beyond anything at all. 

Crystal Hansen 17:57

You know I think this work is so amazing and I think those of us who are passionate about it and love it we feel this call to it and I think anytime you feel called to do work expanding your education it's not you're not gonna lose out on that and I think that really embracing all of these tools I mean there's not going to be a better one over another one it's really embracing all of them so that you can meet your clients where they are because what works for one isn't going to work for another. 

Molly Claire 18:23

Exactly, exactly, exactly. What works for one is not going to work for another so I think the more we can have this whole view of what's going on in the human species, right, my body, nervous system, and how do we take that knowledge and really truly individualize and personalize the work we're doing with that we're going to be connected to as we're helping them to move forward in their lives.

Crystal Hansen 18:59

Yeah, I agree. 

Molly Claire 19:00

Thanks for such an awesome conversation, Crystal. 

Crystal Hansen 19:03

Thank you. It was so fun. 

Molly Claire 19:06

All right, coaches, thank you for being here. Hopefully I will see you all on the webinar next week on Monday. The link to register is in the show notes. You can also find it at mollyclaire.com. And by the way, Crystal is an amazing coach when it comes to relationship work. All of her information is in the show notes. And is there anywhere in particular you want people to make sure to go to find you if they're interested in what you do? 

Crystal Hansen 19:32

You know what, you know me, Molly, really well. I'm like the worst advertiser ever. So I have a website, probably hasn't been updated in forever. I have social media, probably haven't posted in like a year, but all of those things have links to a free consult call with me. And that's honestly just the best way. So you can email me or book a call, but I always am like, you know what? Just, I love people. So just get in front of me and I'm one of them. 

Molly Claire 19:54

This is like teeing up because Crystal's gonna come back and we're gonna talk about this very thing because I'm such an advocate of making sure that you have a phenomenal service, that you are skilled, that you are informed, and really just such a great coach that you don't have to worry about that stuff. And Crystal's such a good example of that. So that's like teeing it up. When you see Crystal come back on the podcast, we're gonna talk about how to be such an amazing coach that it doesn't matter if your website and your socials are out of date. 

Crystal Hansen 20:24

Perfect. Yes, it's true. I can attest to that. 

Molly Claire 20:27

Yeah. All right. Awesome. Thanks, Crystal. 

Crystal Hansen 20:31

Thank you. 

Molly Claire 20:32

Thanks, everyone, for being here. I'll talk with you next week.