00:39

Hello, everyone. And can you believe that the new year is upon us? It has been a crazy year for me personally of personal growth, a lot of curveballs thrown my way. I haven't even begun to share these with you on the podcast this year.

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00:56

But believe me, I have plenty to bring to the table in the podcast in 2026. It's been one of those years that it seems like every step along the way, I have been surprised, surprised in ways that seem to be good and not so good as well.

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01:14

And the challenges truly have been such an opportunity of growth. And I just cannot wait to share all of this learning with you in the new year. So let's talk about you. Here we are finishing out the year.

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01:27

Here we are beginning 2026, wanting to face the year with the strongest mindset possible. And today I decided to rebroadcast my most listened to episode, which is how thought work in isolation can be detrimental.

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01:47

So I am a huge believer in the power of our mind, our mindset, how we want to make sure that we are thinking in a way that is useful, that is helpful, that is powerful for us. And part of my personal journey and my personal really challenging journey was really understanding at a personal level how when we are simply using mindset work, thought work, trying to adjust our ways of thinking without a full understanding of how the brain and the body and the nervous system works and without support for all of it, thought work in isolation can actually be detrimental. I don't use this word lightly. As you will hear in this episode, I have seen the terrible implications of it for many of my clients, and I personally hit a rock-bottom place in my life.

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02:43

Yes, that may seem dramatic, but it is no exaggeration, a rock-bottom place in my life. And I truly needed to expand my view of what I was needing as a human being in my own development. So this episode is not particularly light, but it is also encouraging and it is important.

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03:04

I believe this is one of the most important things that I can speak to. And this is truly what catapulted my journey into creating holistic master coach training so that I can help coaches to be safe, to be ethical, and that I can help each of you as a human being invested in your own growth to understand how to support your own self-mastery in a way that creates wholeness and healthy patterns for you.

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03:31

All right, let's go ahead and dive into this very important episode. I am talking more explicitly than ever before about how a thought work only approach to coaching can be detrimental. We are talking about only mindset, mindset only.

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03:50

Thoughts are everything. I'm talking about how this approach was detrimental to me and dozens of clients who came my way. The word detrimental is a strong word and I use it today unapologetically. And you know, I love to bring you positive energy.

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04:10

And half the time, I'm telling you how excited I am about the episode I am about to deliver. And while this is definitely not my usual tone, today's message is the most important one that I can give you.

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04:27

And I speak out about this knowing that on the other side of this truth that I'm speaking today is freedom and hope for many listeners who feel frustrated with your thoughts, who feel activated emotionally, no matter how much mind management you try to do.

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04:50

Those of you feeling incredibly low and bad about yourself. And this is for those of you feeling that nudge deep within you that a thought work only approach for your clients may not be helping them.

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05:05

Maybe there is something missing and maybe it's something important. I will tell you all that I have in the past been in a very dark place personally from experiencing the adverse effects of a thought-work only approach.

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05:23

In fact, last October, just about a year ago, I shared a little bit more of the personal side of my story. And if you want to hear that, you can go back and listen. It's called A Message from Molly, and I will include it in the show notes here.

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05:39

But I have experienced being in a very dark place from this very thing. And I've coached and mentored dozens of people out of a similar dark place too. And in fact, even now, every day with my own current clients, I am working with them to soften the harsh, critical, and unfair judgment they have about themselves in relation to their own thoughts.

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06:04

And I will tell you that it is not easy for me to talk about this. In fact, I have started recording and stopped more times than I can believe. I recorded the entire thing and decided to redo it completely.

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06:19

And I've really had to reach out to my friends and colleagues to support me because speaking out about something that is so important to us and something that has really been transformative for us and a message, right, that needs to be heard that can also face criticism, rejection, and all the other things that we as human beings fear, speaking out in that way can be really hard.

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06:55

And I know you all know what I mean by that. And so I just, I want to tell all of you that I'm here speaking to you, feeling quite vulnerable and at the same time knowing that me speaking out about this is too important for me to not do it.

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07:15

So let's do it. Should we talk about it? Okay. So today's message is one that you need to hear if you subscribe to the idea that your thoughts are everything when it comes to transformation for you and your clients.

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07:32

If you believe that all problems can be solved by changing thoughts, and if you teach that all thoughts are choices, these ideas can be empowering at times, but they can also be damaging to the psyche.

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07:49

Not to mention that these teachings deny scientific research about the way thoughts and emotions interact with the backdrop of the nervous system and also how behavior patterns intersect with all of it too.

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08:07

Now, if you're feeling resistance to what I'm saying, this is the perfect moment to give validity to the teaching that thoughts create feelings. They can and they do. And like many of you, I did experience incredible positive changes and transformation from working specifically with my thoughts.

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08:30

And I helped my clients in this way too. And I still utilize the power of thought work. And if you're feeling resistance because you use this methodology with your clients, and this feels a bit scary, remember that I subscribed to a thoughts are everything approach for years, and I taught it at a broad scale.

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08:54

So believe me, I get it. Also remember that CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy is a therapy model that uses this exact teaching to help therapy clients. There is validity in it. And I'll also mention that even CBT has been coming under fire in recent years for similar reasons that I am going to be speaking to.

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09:19

You see, while there is truth in it, value in it, an incredible transformation possible within it, what I'm saying loud and clear today is that if you do not have more of a comprehensive view of thoughts, emotions, the nervous system, and behavior patterns and how these interact, then you can wreak havoc on your well-being and that of your clients too.

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09:47

Now, I'm going to illustrate this point with a couple of examples. So the body systems are all interconnected. And one example of this is the heart and kidney, which are highly interconnected. So if you have a person who has heart failure, which is an issue of the cardiovascular system, it can lead to poor blood flow to the kidneys, causing kidney dysfunction.

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10:16

So treating heart issues aggressively with certain medications may end up putting additional strain on the kidneys. And alternatively, neglecting kidney help can raise blood pressure, which worsens heart conditions.

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10:32

Let's take another example with cardiovascular disease and diabetes. So research shows that people with type 2 diabetes are two to four times more likely to develop heart disease. So treating blood sugar levels without managing cardiovascular health can lead to complications in both systems.

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10:55

You can think about your thoughts and emotions in a similar vein, with the backdrop of all of it being the nervous system. And so you'll notice in one of these examples, we're talking about aggressively treating this heart issue, right, and the impact.

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11:14

And oftentimes, most of the time, when there is a thought work only approach, it truly is an aggressive approach toward those thoughts and changing them. So 10 years ago, when I began this amazing coaching journey, I trained as a thought work coach and the work I did was nothing short of transformative for me and my clients.

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11:36

It was so transformational, in fact, that of course I continued on to do master coach training and I eagerly began training coaches within the program as fast as I could. Sometimes I was even putting my business on hold for months at a time because I really was in the trenches with these coaches, making sure they were using thought work well.

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12:00

I trained master coaches and I even helped develop curriculum as a contract coach. I was all in, deep in the teaching, training and empowering coaches with the power of their thoughts. And I've also worked with hundreds of students personally and taught thousands through various online training programs with this methodology.

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12:23

Now, about five years ago, I started seeing some adverse effects with my own clients who were coming to me. And I chalked it all up to a misuse of thought work, which is true. And I started softening the edges of the work.

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12:38

My business partner and I at the time sometimes felt like a triage center for coaches who were using thought work as this terrible weapon against themselves. And they were prefacing everything with this criticism of, I know this is just a thought, but.

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12:54

And so I started integrating other processes and tools. And Amy and I, my business partner, started talking more about this and how to use it in effective ways. And I was offering a nuanced way of teaching all of this.

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13:10

And yet, it wasn't until I hit my own personal rock bottom low that my eyes were opened to just how much was truly missing from this model of coaching and how much the parts that were missing mattered.

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13:28

So the problem is this. Not all feelings are created from thoughts. Feelings arise in the body. Feelings can be stored in the body. And our feelings often have very important messages for us. They are not just something to be erased with a new thought.

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13:51

Also important is the nervous system is the backdrop for all of it. And this thought create all feelings model, this view doesn't take into account that only 20% of messages go from the brain to the body, where we feel emotions, and 80% of messages happening within our nervous system travel from the body to the brain.

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14:15

We can have a feeling arise in the body, and then a thought arises about that feeling. Also problematic with a thought-work-only approach is that a sympathetic nervous system response will hijack your brain biologically so that your prefrontal cortex is taken offline.

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14:38

This means that conscious thinking that you're working with your client on in a thought work approach is not available. And what we might think, well, this maybe this means we just need to calm that nervous system down, right?

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14:52

And regulate that, eliminate the nervous system response, and then we can access that. Well, this is not entirely true either, because sometimes we actually need to pay attention to that nervous system response.

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15:08

Our nervous system protects us from danger, including emotional and psychological abuse. In fact, we can thank our nervous system for alerting us when boundaries are being crossed or when we are being mistreated.

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15:24

And one more thing to make note of, if you are using thought work to change and manage your emotions or override your emotional or nervous system responses, you will actually put your nervous system and your emotions in a more heightened state.

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15:40

So in practical terms, I'm going to break this down and talk about the four things that will happen. A coach or client using thought work only without an understanding of the emotion center and effective emotion work and the nervous system and a whole person view of supporting emotional safety can actually increase sympathetic nervous system trauma responses.

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16:08

Number two, a coach or client using thought work only will engage in cognitive bypassing and spiritual bypassing, which is a way of avoiding feelings or psychological wounds or emotions that need to be attended to and addressed.

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16:25

This also will put someone in a fight or flight state more often. Number three, a coach or client using thought work is primed for and highly vulnerable to emotional abuse, especially covert abuse, because believing that every problem is a thought problem actually assists an abuser in gaslighting you.

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16:52

And the last one, number four, coaches and clients believing that all problems are thought problems and using this thought work only approach to handle the many emotions as they navigate life and relationships will eventually have a breakdown 99% guaranteed.

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17:11

Now, it can manifest in a lot of different ways. It may manifest as burnout. It may manifest as illness or panic attacks. Somehow, some way it will come out in your body. I was actually just talking with Leah Davidson, who is a nervous system expert, and she has her own program and she teaches in my master coach training.

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17:34

And I was talking with her about this episode. And I was telling her, you know, I'm boldly saying this because I believe this to be true. And she said, it's absolutely true. She said, it will come out in different ways, but it will come out.

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17:48

It can't help but come out. The body will bring it out. And the reason why is a cognitive only approach is really not supportive of the full picture of mental and emotional health. It doesn't take into account trauma, inherited trauma, the nervous system, and the wisdom that exists within emotions.

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18:13

So all of these things I just outlined happened to me. Many of these things happened to my clients. Some so much so that together we would agree we are not using a cognitive model at all. We are not allowed to use it, at least until we can rewire your brain and address the needs of your emotions and your body so that your nervous system and everything can return to help.

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18:45

So if all of this is true, then why did I have such a great experience with thought work only? And why for so long? Is it good? Is it detrimental? I mean, what's the answer? The answer to those two questions, is it good?

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19:03

Is it detrimental? Is a resounding yes to both. Thought work is extremely powerful. It is so good. And because of that power, if misused or used in isolation without the full picture of the whole person, it can also be detrimental.

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19:22

For me personally, the turning point came when I found myself in a relationship where I was experiencing low self-esteem and emotional responses that seemed to be getting worse by the day. I was grasping for how to fix it, working so hard on my mind and emotions and thoughts, but feeling more powerless.

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19:44

I reached out to a therapist who said some magical words to me. And I still remember where I was when I heard this from her. I was actually on a call with her. I was out in my neighborhood walking and I was walking up and down the block and I was saying things to her like, I know this is me.

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20:06

I know it's just my thoughts. I know I'm creating these feelings. I know this isn't a problem. It's just me. And these were the magical words she said. Molly, this is not your fault. And these issues are not you.

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20:22

You are having these reactions for very real reasons and they need to be addressed. Wow, right? So I remember this moment and this moment was so validating and something I needed to hear. And yet I will tell you, I was far from out of the woods.

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20:44

Because you see, when you absorb so deeply this idea of extreme responsibility for all of your thoughts, while also believing that everyone is a choice and every problem you have is because of those choices, being able to see a more full and truthful picture of what's happening in your life and more importantly, what's happening in your psyche and emotions can be really challenging to do.

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21:09

And I certainly found it to be that way. So I spent the next three years sifting through my own personal understanding of what were thought patterns that weren't helpful and what were things that were in fact very valid responses from my nervous system.

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21:25

And what were important emotions telling me? What things did I need to listen to? And for me, this all required sifting, study, and plenty of support for me to recover from the ways that thought work and isolation had become detrimental to me.

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21:43

And all of this was happening behind the scenes for me. And it's very surreal for me to be sharing this part of my story here with you. And what has transpired for me after these rock bottom, low moments has truly become a gift.

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22:01

It's a gift that has given me the ability to help others in an unbelievable way and to speak to all of you today about this. This gift has become holistic master coach training. And over the last year, I've been able to witness firsthand profound changes in these women that I have the privilege of working with.

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22:25

I see them getting stronger mentally, emotionally, spiritually. And I see them having this level of self-trust and self-connection that they have developed that blows my mind every day. One of my very favorite quotes, and this quote actually is on my little herbal tea bags.

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22:51

And every time I get it, I just, I take it in because it just resonates as so true to me. Accept the challenge you are facing. It may become your greatest gift. And that is exactly how this feels. In my own challenges with this along the way, one of the smartest things I did was hire a fantastic thought work coach.

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23:18

I wanted her to help me see my thoughts. So I hired the incredible Krista St. Germain, who you have heard on the podcast and who teaches in my program, as a matter of fact. And the thing that made her such a brilliant thought coach is what she said to me was, Molly, this isn't what you need.

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23:39

And what you actually need is you need support in a completely different way. So Krista sent me to the amazing Melanie Fay, who you've also heard on the podcast, who is instrumental in the work she does with my clients.

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23:56

And in working with Melanie Fay, she helped me to unlock expanded emotion work, including EFT. And it's this next level emotion work that has just been so mind-blowing and continues to be. And what it really means for me and for my clients is understanding what it means to actually be with your emotions, to learn from them and understand them.

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24:26

Now, this was a significant contrast from what I thought and was taught about being with my emotions. And this practice is key. This level and form of emotional connection that you can have as a coach as you learn more means being intimately connected with who you are, intimately connected with your intuition.

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24:50

It means the ability to bring to light the gifts that you inherently possess. And an extreme thought work approach can actually disconnect us from ourselves. And in contrast, when you can be with your emotions in a comprehensive way, you can understand how and when thought work best fits in and when it doesn't.

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25:15

And you can begin to be connected with your emotions in a way that feels supportive rather than torture. And for my clients, what it means is continuing to build in and create and experience more ease with the emotions they face as they build their business.

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25:35

It means less of a roller coaster, more of a feeling of being supported. And it's just, it's just phenomenal work. And I fully subscribe to the importance of you as a coach studying emotion work, learning about emotion focused modalities, learning about emotions in the body, and doing a deep dive for yourself personally too.

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25:58

It's too important to ignore. I'm going to share with you another brilliant choice that I made in my journey, which was reaching out to, I actually felt very pulled, very called to reach out to Lindsay Poelman.

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26:12

Now, Lindsay Poelman, you've heard her on the podcast. She also teaches in my program. You can see this is all, this has truly all come about from this experience. And I just, I feel so grateful to be a part of this work.

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26:24

So Lindsay Poelman specializes in relationship trauma. And for me personally, I felt this nudge to work with her and I wasn't really exactly sure why, which is so funny for me to think back on. And working with Lindsay, for me personally, helped me to see clearly how the thought work approach was helpful and where it could actually assist people in excusing abusive behaviors toward them in a relationship.

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26:54

This is kind of a big deal, right? Helpful or not so helpful and in fact detrimental. There is tremendous value in working with your nervous system and listening to your emotions and also having the knowledge of concrete abusive patterns that can happen and how they can affect the psyche.

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27:16

As a coach, we have a responsibility to understand this. And it's so important to mention that covert abuse, which is very subtle, very hidden, very difficult to detect, is very real and has significant impact on well-being, self-esteem, and self-worth.

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27:36

And if someone is using thought work in a situation like this, it will sink them. I also want to mention right alongside this is that even in a relationship where abuse is not an issue, a thought work only approach denies the truth of human emotional needs in a relationship.

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28:02

And what it does is it contradicts the fact that as humans, we are wired for emotional connection. Thought work without this broader picture can actually create counter dependence and disconnection from emotions and their relationship rather than facilitating a deeper emotional connection and healthy interdependence in partnership.

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28:27

So I know I'm touching on a lot of things, but I just want to make it clear that the thought work only approach can be, if misused, if used to an extreme, can be detrimental in a situation where some level of abuse exists.

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28:45

And it can be detrimental in a situation where what a partnership is needing is greater emotional connection because it can actually do the opposite. So I fully subscribe to the importance of understanding more about relationships and the nature of human connection.

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29:06

You need to understand this as a coach. You need to learn more about relationships and patterns. Educate yourself so you are clear on what is in the scope of a therapist and also what you are fully equipped to support your clients with as a coach.

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29:23

This type of more whole person, whole view of your clients with regard to their relationships works. I've seen it time and again. It means incredible self-connection, incredibly healthy mental and emotional patterns, and it means the ability to set clear boundaries.

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29:42

And ultimately, it lends itself to greater genuine connection in relationships. All right, coaches. So I've shared just a few highlights here, and you'll be certainly learning more as I continue to talk about these issues.

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29:57

But I just want to say it's so important that we are safe, effective, and ethical coaches. A whole person view is required to do this. As we do, we can be better stewards of our own mental and emotional health, including the ways that we can use the power of our own minds.

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30:21

Coaches, remember that you are coaching a whole person and the coaching you do affects them inside and out with a ripple effect in their life. This is, in my opinion, a sacred opportunity, a sacred honor to be brought into our clients' lives in such an important way.

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30:44

We owe it to them to be well informed, to continue to learn, and to show up always holding the safest and most supportive space possible. I've been feeling so much lately, deep in my bones, that we are a part of something so much bigger than us as humans or as coaches.

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31:08

And for you as a coach who understands what your client needs and how to help them and where to start with them and what type of support and guidance to give them, it's everything. You have the power to change their life.

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31:23

And I'm not just talking about meeting a money goal or achieving some tangible marker of success. I'm talking about deep transformations. Come with me for just a minute. I want you to imagine you being able to feel totally accepting of who you are as a person.

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31:46

Feeling completely at peace and loved and confident in yourself, knowing who you are. I want you to imagine trusting yourself, trusting your abilities, trusting your decisions, knowing who you are, knowing what you want, and having the certainty that it will happen.

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32:14

I want you to imagine relaxing into just being you. And in that relaxing in, being able to allow your inherent gifts as a human and as a coach to come forth and help others effortlessly. I want you to imagine this happening because you're no longer fighting the voices in your head or the stuckness in your body or the fears that can overwhelm you.

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32:51

Instead, you are connected. You're connected with you. You're connected with your higher power. You are intimately connected with your gifts and your purpose and connected to all the things and people that matter most to you.

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33:16

And now I want you to imagine the possibility that you can be able to give this same gift to your clients and offer them this same important ripple effect. Coaches, I'm so honored to be a small part of the work you and I are doing as coaches.

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33:37

I'm grateful to lead and teach and inspire you in any way that I possibly can. I believe we are doing the work of the soul when we can help our clients move forward in their lives. We can help them with that powerful mind to use it with intention.

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33:54

We can support them in their emotions and teach them how to be more fully connected. We can support them in healthy nervous system regulation, which by the way, makes everything so much easier. We can give our clients tangible, doable plans and support them through that as we become a powerful voice in their head.

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34:19

You may have heard me say this in the past, that as a coach, you become the voice inside your client's head. And I recommend that we strive to be the best voice possible. And so this is the voice that I hope you hear today in your head.

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34:40

Coach, you've got this, and I've got you. You are capable. You are worthy. You matter. You are loved. And the world needs your gifts to shine.