00:39

Hey, everyone. Before we dive in today, I want to make sure you know that in this series, in the podcast, there is a worksheet to go along with every single episode. So take a minute to find it in the show notes here.

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00:52

This is a great way for you to make the most of this episode. So let's go ahead and dive in. I hope you love it. Welcome everyone, to this week's podcast. This is part two of six, where I am teaching you about the life mastery method.

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01:09

What it means to really cultivate change within you. For you as coaches, what it really means to cultivate that change in your clients. This is what this series is all about. I'm sharing with you my methodology.

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01:28

I'm sharing with you the way I teach these concepts in master coach training and the way I work with my clients. And as we dive in today, as we focus on mind mastery, I want you to really take in what strikes you as different today.

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01:49

I know that many of you have heard a lot about mindset. How do we shift our thinking? How do we work with our thoughts? How do we shift beliefs? And today specifically, we're talking about interrupting patterns.

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02:02

And I'm going to dive just a little bit into the way I teach mindset, which is likely a little different than how you've heard it in the past. So as you're here, I want you to just notice what stands out to you.

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02:14

What is the thing you will take away today? Now, last week we talked about, can people really change? Can that person that we keep seeing doing the same thing over and over again, is it possible for them to change?

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02:28

Can you change when you see yourself doing the same thing over and over again, in the same relationship pattern, in the same food pattern, in the same cycle of not reaching your goals? Is it possible for you to change?

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02:43

The answer is yes. The answer is yes. And today, as we go to part two about mind mastery, we're focusing specifically on interrupting patterns, doing things differently. Okay? Because if we think about it, if you want something different, you need to do something different.

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03:09

You need to think something different. You need to feel something different. We need to be different. And, you know, some of us have heard this idea, right, that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

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03:23

And we can all kind of laugh about that. And it's really true. And the reality is that our brain, our emotions, our nervous system, our behaviors, we live in patterns. When we look at some of the biggest changes that we have seen happen, it is from pattern interrupters.

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03:47

I look at this generation of women and I see how women are making more money. They are working to prioritize their own sense of well-being. They are shifting the dynamic in relationships to one that is much healthier, one where women have more choice.

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04:08

And I see men that I work with who are raised to think men aren't allowed to cry. Men shouldn't cry. Men don't have emotions. And these men that I'm working with are interrupting this pattern. They're accepting their wholeness as a human being and what happens as a result.

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04:29

They're able to be more relational. They're able to be more connected in their relationships. They're able to bring in a more whole version of themselves in their leadership, in business. Now, these are just a couple examples, but I want you to think about the major changes that have happened in your life and as a society where people interrupt the pattern of what's been happening, of how people have been thinking,

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05:02

and how people have been showing up. So let's talk about interrupting patterns. When it comes to mind mastery, this is one of my favorite ways to understand the power of our mind. The way you think about your life creates your experience of your life.

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05:28

The way you think about your work, your home, your relationships creates your experience of them. Now, we can use this as a way to beat ourselves up and say, oh, well, it's my fault that I'm experiencing this, but we don't do that here.

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05:46

Okay. We don't do that. We allow ourselves to be human, and we look at our thoughts and our emotions and our patterns with compassion. And that is how we find solutions. Okay, we don't badmouth ourselves.

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05:59

So I'm going to say this again. The way you think about your life creates your experience of your life. And you've probably heard from many thought leaders over the years, many different therapeutic and psychological approaches that bring in this idea that when we change our thoughts, when we change our beliefs, we change everything, right?

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06:27

Thoughts create feelings. Now, not all feelings come from a thought, but thoughts do create feelings, right? The way we think about things is going to influence how aggressively we go after our goals.

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06:42

What we believe about ourselves is going to impact how confidently we seek the relationships that we want, right? We know that our thoughts matter. We know that our beliefs matter. We know that our mindset makes a difference.

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07:00

So why then are so many people still thinking the same way, still stuck in the same beliefs? If we know that it's the mind, it's the thoughts, the beliefs that need to change. Well, the reason why is that changing the mind does not always happen through the doorway of the mind.

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07:23

And so this is what we're talking about today. We're talking about how do we truly interrupt the thought patterns, the belief patterns, the mindset patterns? What are the ways that we access them? Okay.

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07:36

So why does mindset matter? Well, right now today, you listening and me speaking, we all have habitual thoughts. We have thoughts that go on repeat. We have go-to thought patterns every day. If you were to record all of your thoughts on a daily basis, even in different situations, you would have similar thought patterns.

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07:58

We all have habitual thoughts. We all have beliefs, beliefs about ourselves, beliefs about how worthy you feel, how good you are, how well you measure up, how much success is possible for you. These beliefs impact all of our actions and the way we live our life, right?

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08:20

Our mindset is also about assumptions that we tend to make. Why do we make assumptions? Based on our past experience and how our mind has made sense of things, right? We all have expectations that are based on the way we think about things, the stories we've created in our mind about things, right?

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08:39

It's really the lens through which we interpret and view the world. And this is number one. If you take nothing else from this today, other than a really strong reminder that the way you view things and the way you think and what you believe is not absolute and can be changed.

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09:06

This is one of the most powerful things that you can know. One of the most powerful things you can know. Okay? So all these things I've just talked about—habitual thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, expectations, the lens through which we interpret things—they are all happening in patterns in your mind.

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09:28

These thought patterns are connected with emotion patterns. They are often related to patterns in your nervous system. And they also drive behavior patterns. Okay, all about patterns. And so as we continue through this, be mindful of the patterns you notice for you.

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09:46

And by the way, I feel as though I'm talking about patterns as if they're inherently negative, but they're not. We all have patterns in our life that serve us really well. And the more we can dial in, double down on those best patterns, and we can recognize and interrupt the not-so-great patterns, that's how we continue to grow.

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10:08

That's how we continue to meet our goals. So we're going to talk through four different methods of interruption, of creating new patterns, thought patterns. Okay. So number one, this is where we're talking about interrupting thought patterns directly.

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10:23

This is classic mindset work. And this is amazing, and it is powerful. And this is where I see people get the most tripped up with not being able to shift their mindset. This is where you have a sea of aware coaches, aware self-help gurus, aware leaders who can see your thoughts that aren't very effective, who can see your beliefs are holding you back, and you're beating your head against the wall,

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10:53

trying to change these thoughts and beliefs, but you just can't. Oh, I have been there. I have been there. And I know many of you have too. So having said that, it doesn't mean that the direct approach to interrupting and changing your thoughts and beliefs isn't incredibly powerful and that it isn't sometimes the answer.

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11:11

So let's talk about it. So one of the easiest ways to begin to shift our mindset is by noticing those daily habitual thoughts. These are oftentimes the ones that are easiest to access, easiest to see the detrimental effects of, and the easiest to shift, right?

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11:31

These would be things like, oh, I'm so far behind. How many of you think that every single day? Things like, oh, I'm never going to get there. I always do this. Nothing ever works, right? Or looking at your to-do list and thinking, oh my gosh, there's never enough time in the day.

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11:48

Okay. These little daily thoughts, taking a look at them, noticing what they're creating, interrupting them, reframing them can be super powerful, right? So when we're talking about classic ways of shifting your ways of thinking, we're talking about number one, awareness.

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12:09

What are one or two thoughts you have on a daily basis? And looking at what is that thought creating? When I'm looking at my to-do list and I'm thinking, I'm never going to get this done, and I'm already feeling stressed.

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12:22

And then I put my head down and I go to work in this stress state trying to do things as fast as I possibly can. What's going to happen? I'm going to make mistakes. I'm going to wear myself out. Probably not going to prioritize.

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12:37

Probably not going to delegate. And by not being strategic, I'm going to be taking on more than I need to. And guess what? I am proving that thought. There's too much to do. I'm never going to get this done.

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12:52

Right. And so today, what is a thought pattern that you can interrupt? How can you change it? Right. So we want that awareness. And then we can do some reframing. What's a different way to look at this that's going to serve me in this moment?

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13:09

Right. We have this reframing and intentional thinking. So this is kind of like mindset work 101. So many programs focus on this. I highly recommend it. And notice when it doesn't work also. Notice when you're getting stuck.

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13:24

Notice when you're beating your head against the wall or a client is. And it's not because you're not doing a good enough job. It's that you're trying to go through a doorway to change that isn't actually accessible.

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13:38

That change is not accessible through that door. Okay. All right. Let's talk next about number two, interrupting belief patterns with nervous system awareness. Okay. So not every thought or belief is really going to be accessible by just thinking differently.

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14:04

I cannot tell you how many times I have been coaching with a client and we sift through this thought and this and we go deeper and deeper and we find, oh, here's this belief again. I'm not good enough.

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14:16

I'm not lovable, right? These beliefs that we have underneath can be pretty big and they can seem pretty permanent. And what I'll say is there is a lot that we can do to shift these. But when we have some of these beliefs around our worth and around our capability, they're often not available by directly looking at the thoughts and changing them.

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14:41

We can change a thought for a while, but ultimately this big belief, this big feeling, this big pattern underneath, this emotion pattern, this belief pattern is going to be there. Okay. So when we're looking at things like, you can see I have some written here.

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14:59

I have to earn love. So many people, so many achievers believe I'm only safe if I'm achieving, if I'm doing a good job, if I'm impressing people. That's how I stay safe. That's how I stay lovable. Oof, this is a pretty big one underneath, right?

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15:14

And we're not always going to be able to just change this by flipping the switch on thoughts. Things like, it's not safe to ask for help, right? Things like, I'm not good enough. And maybe I never will be.

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15:29

Now, I know these are some heavy things. And what I want to offer up to you is if you notice these beliefs still underneath, still coming up, nothing is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you. Okay.

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15:40

But what we want to do is we want to interrupt the pattern with a different approach. And interruption often happens with these type of deeper beliefs by new physiological experiences. Okay. This is where nervous system regulation comes into play.

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15:58

I am a huge fan of the emotional freedom techniques, the tapping solution. In master coach training, my coaches learn this, my coaches practice it. Melanie Fay, who is a gifted practitioner of EFT, is my go-to for this.

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16:13

And this is where when we are bringing in this nervous system regulation and this reset, and we are able to talk through some of these beliefs and process those emotions. That's oftentimes how they shift.

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16:28

Now, I'm going to be talking more about this in the coming episodes, but the reason I want to talk about it here is that it is not necessary for you to continue in a pattern of frustration because you can't access these deeper beliefs by talking through them and by changing your mindset.

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16:44

Okay. Also, having repeated experiences that teach the brain something new. What does this look like? It looks like some regulation and creating some safety and being willing to ask for help, have a positive experience, right?

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17:02

This reinforces maybe it's safe to ask for help. Maybe I don't have to be perfect to be loved, right? And so these are a couple examples of how we can shift these deeper beliefs. And so is it a belief shift?

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17:18

Absolutely. Would we say that beliefs and thoughts are mindset? Absolutely. But it doesn't mean we're directly accessing it by looking at thoughts directly, right? So sometimes changing the mind just does not happen through the doorway of the mind.

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17:35

That is like the big, big takeaway from all of this. Let's talk about number three. This is probably my favorite one. Interrupting emotional avoidance. Okay. So sometimes you may think the problem is my thinking.

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17:59

I'm feeling anxious. I'm having anxious thoughts. So I need to fix my thinking. I'm feeling sad. I'm feeling down. I'm feeling frustrated. I need to think positively. Sometimes you think the problem is your thinking and actually sometimes using thinking to avoid feeling is the problem.

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18:26

And let me tell you, a lot of people use thought work, mindset work, positive thinking to do this very thing. I have seen hundreds and hundreds of coaches misusing mindset work and thought work to avoid the feelings to skip over.

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18:46

And it's not ill-intended, but it's usually a lack of understanding, a lack of education, specifically a lack of understanding about how to work with your clients within their emotional world. Because the reality is that most of us were never taught what to do with our emotions.

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19:05

We grew up believing our emotions were a problem, either because we were taught that directly or because we would have big feelings. We wouldn't know what to do with them. And they're very uncomfortable.

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19:17

They're very unpleasant. So we look for ways to get out of those feelings, right? And thus begins the pattern of suppressing emotions, the pattern of avoiding emotions, the pattern of trying to outthink our feelings.

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19:33

Now, this is not to say that there is not power in shifting the way we think and that can shift the way we feel. Yes, that is true. And also, trying to fix or avoid or pass over our emotions with our thinking is a misuse and it is never going to work.

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19:53

Okay. So I just, I have a couple examples here. Grief, right? Someone's experiencing grief. Well, we don't want that for them. And maybe we're uncomfortable with their grief. So we say something like, oh, well, they're in a better place.

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20:07

Okay. This is a way that I'm offering up to someone who actually needs space for grief, help with grief. I'm offering up a way that I think they should think differently so that they won't feel what they're feeling and I won't have to feel what I'm feeling about them, right?

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20:25

Or even a person in the middle of grief or loss. And here's what I'll say. I'm talking about, I use this example of grief as if someone has just lost someone they love in their life. But here's the thing.

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20:36

Grief exists for us pretty much every day to some degree. Grief is anytime we thought we were going to have something, we hoped for something, we wanted something, and we don't get that thing, there is a grief in that.

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20:56

There is a grief, there is a loss in not having what we wanted, not having what we had, not having what we hoped. And in fact, one of the biggest, probably one of the most common things that I support my clients through when they're building their business is processing the grief and loss of the many endeavors that did not work out.

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21:23

And I will tell you that not understanding this is the reason a lot of people quit. They quit going after their dream. They quit building their business because the grief and the sadness is so big for them, they don't want to feel it anymore.

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21:39

And so grief is a big deal, grief and loss, and we cannot outthink it. And if we try, we will not succeed. And that loss and grief is still there. Okay. Another example, I've already said this, right, is anxiety.

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21:56

If there's a situation that's unacceptable to me in my life, unacceptable to you in your life, maybe in your work situation, maybe in a relationship, maybe in your finances, and you're feeling anxious about it.

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22:10

How many times do we think, oh, I just need to think positively. I just need to think differently about this person. I just need to think differently about this job. Well, sometimes that's true. And sometimes that's simply avoiding looking at what's real, looking at what's true and the feelings that would come along with this.

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22:29

So if you are using thinking to avoid your feelings and to turn a blind eye to what needs to be looked at in your life or inside, we need to interrupt that pattern. Okay. Because truly you thinking in this way creates even more avoidance.

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22:46

So what do we do about this? This interruption is not about changing thoughts. It is not about changing thoughts. We interrupt the pattern of avoiding emotion. Okay, and we're going to talk more about this next week.

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23:01

It's all about emotion. So I'm just highlighting this. What if instead, when it comes to avoiding that situation that we don't want to look at or deal with, we lean in? What if we learn how to feel and to process?

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23:21

As a coach, what if you learn how to feel and process and also support your client in feeling and processing? Because sometimes, especially if your client is stuck, the only way to help your client to move forward is to pause and be with the feeling.

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23:47

Okay? So we lean in. We feel and process. We learn from it. What is the message in this feeling? Why am I feeling what I am? What's here? What am I seeing? That's raising a red flag to me, right? And also, this is how we connect with the emotional self, which if we back up here, we're talking about the life mastery method.

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24:14

Okay. Life mastery is not about checking boxes or just hitting the goal or just succeeding or just changing so we can finally be happy with ourselves. It's talking about living a whole, full life where you're really living, where you're really alive, where you're connecting with the people in your life, where you're fulfilling a mission of purpose, and where you're having the kind of joy and peace in your life that you really want.

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24:50

And this is not going to be possible unless we connect with the emotional self. And most people have never learned to do this. I was halfway through my coaching career doing all kinds of high-level coaching before I got this.

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25:07

And it is the thing. It is the thing that is missing in the coaching world, in my opinion. And I want to bring that to an end. So there's my soapbox. All right. So we interrupt the pattern of emotional avoidance.

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25:20

We lean in, we feel and process, we learn from it, and we connect with the emotional self. And as we do this, here's what's fascinating when it comes to the mind. When I'm working with a client and their mindset around their business or their upcoming launch is something like, I don't think it's going to work.

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25:42

I've tried it before. Why bother? Well, yeah, this isn't a very good mindset to have. But if the problem is they haven't yet addressed the sadness and the grief and loss of the past five failures that they've had, the best mindset work directly is not going to work.

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26:00

But when that client and I go to the emotions and we do the emotion work and we connect with those feelings, we allow those feelings. We process, we grieve, we learn from it. And guess what happens? That is what shifts the mindset.

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26:22

That is when the belief can shift. Not by directly accessing those thoughts that I'm hearing, but by going the emotion route. Okay, so we're talking about shifting the thought patterns by interrupting emotional avoidance and doing the emotion work.

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26:43

All right. Okay. Finally, let's talk about number four, interrupt your emotion patterns. Okay. We're talking about taking the action. Set the boundary. Make the call. Apply for the job. Ask for help.

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27:01

Do that thing that you've been avoiding and not doing. Now, you might say, well, yeah, we need to have a bit of a shift in our mind to be able to do that. And yes, that can be true, right? We want to have that whatever it is that needs to shift or that we need to see to compel us toward that action.

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27:18

And what I'll also say is sometimes we just got to have a little bit of courage to do the thing. And what happens is these new actions we take interrupt, right? They interrupt the behavior pattern, which interrupts the thought pattern.

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27:38

When we take new actions, it creates new evidence that we're capable, that we can, that change is possible. And with new actions, interruption of old actions, we reshape beliefs. When I can set up a plan and commit to creating change and I show up for myself and I prove to myself that I can over and over again, guess what?

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28:08

Now I'm strengthening a belief that I know I can do this because I'm gathering evidence by the action that I'm taking. Back in the day, the old school approach of just mindset work, I was taught you don't ever coach your client on their actions because it's their thoughts that are driving the actions.

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28:25

You've got to go to the thought. But actually going to the thought is not always the doorway. And, you know, it's kind of like this. When you think about, think about when your computer, maybe it gets stuck or it's frozen and you keep clicking the button, right?

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28:42

How many of you have done this? You're like, oh, come on. And you're clicking and you're trying to fix it. But guess what? Sometimes you have to reboot the whole system because it's the operating system that's stuck.

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28:53

And so even though it seems like it's that one task that needs to be fixed, you got to back up and you got to reboot the whole thing. Right? Another example of this, when someone is having knee surgery where there is damage and there's a lot of inflammation, oftentimes what they do is they do small incisions around the area for the repair.

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29:20

They don't cut in directly to the most inflamed, most problematic, most damaged area. And the same is true when it comes to shifting our mindset and beliefs. We need to take a step back and see what is the best pathway to creating this shift.

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29:41

Oh my gosh, this makes me so excited for next week. So a lot of people say mindset is everything. It's all about your mind. It's all about your beliefs. Yeah, yeah, it is. And guess what? Sometimes what needs attention is our emotions.

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29:55

And until we do that, we can't begin to access the thoughts and beliefs. Sometimes what needs attention is our nervous system, because we're operating in such a state of stress all the time, in a sympathetic nervous system state, that we don't have access to our prefrontal cortex.

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30:15

And that when we are in a sympathetic nervous system state, that flavors our thoughts, right? And so sometimes what we need is we need that complete reboot, just like the computer. Let's reboot. And then guess what?

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30:30

Now I can access the thought shifts, the creative thinking, the strategy. And so the mind, mindset shifts, belief shifts are accessed in many ways. And sometimes, even often, you cannot access it directly.

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30:48

So I hope you have loved today as much as I have loved sharing it with you. I am thrilled to talk next week about emotions, about your emotional world, about your emotional needs and what it means in terms of that greater experience of life that we're all craving.

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31:08

Greater peace, greater alignment, greater sense of being alive, knowing who you are, knowing your worth, and all of the changes in your life that that is going to drive. So I cannot wait to see you next week.

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31:22

Take this all in. Make sure you use the worksheet that goes along with this session. It's got some great support for you there. And I cannot wait to talk with you next week. See you then.