00:39

Hey, everyone. Welcome to today's podcast. We're really talking about your life, your well-being, what you allow into your life, what you seek out in your life. We're really talking today about the choices that we have, that you have, that all of us have, that allow us to curate an incredible life.

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01:10

So that's what we're going to be talking about today. Before we go much further, a few things I want to mention. Number one, the deep reset retreat is happening again. We had such an incredible event in the fall.

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01:26

We were at a luxury cabin, amazing food, the stillness of the trees, incredible deep work. Melanie Faye was there with me. Together, we did a lot of emotion work. We did a lot of tapping. We did a lot of mind shifting.

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01:40

We did a lot of connecting with just incredible, incredible, powerful women. So the next deep reset retreat is happening the end of April. It is going to be at the same cabin because everyone absolutely loved it.

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01:58

The experience, it truly is unmatched. And I can't say enough about the experience of not only being in person, connecting as human beings, but being in a space with heart-centered human beings, women who are seeking growth, who are seeking development, and who are truly there to lift one another up.

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02:22

One of my favorite things that we did is we talked about some of the threads of what each of us are wanting to create and curate in our life, some of those beliefs we're wanting to bring in, some of the patterns that we're wanting to release and also to create for ourselves.

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02:40

And we brought these together in a very physical way. We had these little strands of ribbon and we would speak what we were wanting to bring into the world, what we were wanting to bring into our life.

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02:52

And then one by one, we tied them together in a, in really symbolism of us supporting one another in cultivating what we want. Because I think that there's so much power in understanding our individuality, right?

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03:10

Our own strength, right? Because we know, especially as people that take ownership of our life and want to take responsibility and understand that we are truly the only ones that can create change, I think it can be very easy to think that we really should be able to make all the changes we want or do everything we want on our own.

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03:33

And the reality is that as human beings, we are wired for connection. We thrive when we are in connection, especially when we are in connection with others who are safe and supportive. It is so powerful and truly one of my favorite parts about this experience.

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03:50

So if you want to know the details, please go to mollyclaire.com, click on retreat. There are also a couple of podcast episodes where I talked about the retreat before the last time. There's an episode with Melanie Fay and I.

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04:04

I will link the episodes in the show notes here for the two episodes where I talk about what to expect and where Melanie and I talked about really the power of that in-person connection. So I would love to have you.

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04:16

So take a look and of course, let our team know if you have any questions. Also, heads up, I am really thrilled to be offering in the next few weeks, a one-day workshop where we're doing some coaching mastery.

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04:30

So this is for those of you that are coaches that are there helping people to implement change. In this one-day workshop, we're going to be talking about the four fundamentals of lasting change. We're going to be talking about cognitive mastery, emotion work, nervous system action strategies.

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04:46

We're going to be taking a bit of a deeper dive. So hope to see you there. Make sure you're on my list and stay tuned because it's going to be a fantastic event. It is a paid workshop, but the cost is very minimal and it's just, it's going to be an incredible deep dive.

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05:01

So that's what we got going. Now, right now, today, let's talk about you. When I begin with my master coaches in training and we start really stepping into them applying this deep coaching mastery work first and foremost to themselves, we begin with a question.

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05:26

And those of you that have done master coach training or are there, you'll remember well the beginning and this day when we had this conversation. So come with me again. I don't think we can entertain this question enough.

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05:40

So one of the things that we lead up with is a question to consider and to ponder. If I deeply loved myself, would I allow this into my life? And right now, as you are listening to this, whether you're driving, working out, going for a walk, resting, settling in for a nap or meditation, I want you to notice what you feel and what comes to mind when you ask yourself that question.

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06:17

If I deeply loved myself, if I truly loved myself, would I allow this into my life? And this is a pretty powerful question because all of us know, all of us have experienced allowing things, allowing people, allowing situations that are less than great to seep into our life or to minimize or dismiss maybe the not so great parts of a relationship.

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06:52

And listen, this isn't to say that we only seek perfection or that we have unrealistic expectations of people in our life or situations as if there won't be messiness, as if there won't be dark and light.

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07:04

That's not what I'm saying. But more that, more often than I would like to admit, I can say that I've allowed things and people to exist in my life because I didn't realize that I had a choice. So as you're taking this in right now, you're on the Life Mastered podcast.

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07:27

You're here obviously wanting a better quality of life, wanting a better experience of what it's like to be you, to be authentic, to be alive, to be a source of good for others, and to feel a sense of peace.

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07:43

And since that's you, isn't this question worth considering? So let's look at a few areas as we consider this. Think about relationships and relationship dynamics. And one thing I want to advise you on, caution you against, whatever words land for you, is be very careful about bringing judgment or condemnation to yourself about what may exist in relationships in your life that you really wish that you weren't tolerating or being okay with.

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08:14

Because the reality is that we all have it. Every single person listening right now, every single person, as you think about the relationships you have, it is more likely than not that most of you are going to see some things in a relationship dynamic or in a pattern that you realize you don't like that it's there and you don't like that you've allowed it.

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08:36

So please, if you can, let's just remove the judgment and allow space to be curious and allow grace and space for all of us to be human. So when you think about the space of your relationships, allow those to come to your mind for a moment.

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08:58

Maybe it's a relationship with your kids, with a spouse or partner of some kind, business relationships, friendships, family, in-laws. If I deeply loved myself, would I allow this relationship dynamic to continue for me?

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09:19

And it could be that you're thinking about the way other people play into this relationship dynamic you're thinking of. And also, equally important, the way that we engage in that relationship dynamic.

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09:34

Do we enable? Do we coddle? Do we caretake? Do we hold back from speaking up for ourselves? Without any judgment, consider the question within relationships. If I deeply loved myself, would I allow this relationship dynamic to continue?

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09:54

Let's shift to thinking about your schedule, your work-life balance, how you schedule the hours in your day, your schedule, and potentially the stress levels that go along with it. If I deeply loved myself, would I allow this to continue in my life?

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10:18

What do you notice? Where are you feeling some tightness as you think about, ah, if I'm being honest with myself, I'm asking too much of myself, or I'm not giving myself the space I really want? We're going to remove the judgment over and over again.

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10:35

Remove the judgment and get curious. Next question for you. If I deeply loved myself, and we're going to add it one to this, if I deeply loved myself and really understood that I had a choice and skills and abilities and techniques, would I allow my mind and my heart to expend the energy that I do on self-criticism, on catastrophizing, on potentially buffering with endless, hopeless thoughts?

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11:20

Now, I know that topic can go pretty deep, but can't we all recognize the ways that we expend unnecessary energy, maybe even unnecessary energy on holding a grudge, on being angry, on being angry with ourselves, on regret.

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11:36

So most of us can identify at least some area where we expend a little more energy than is maybe useful for us. And without any judgment, if I deeply loved myself and I knew I had a choice, would I allow myself to expend energy in this way?

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11:55

Okay. Now, as you're considering all of this, and we're hopefully making all of this gentle space to be human, to be flawed, to be a work in progress, every one of us, here are some of the main reasons why we do this, why we allow things into our life.

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12:14

Number one, we're all always working on a deeper sense of true self-love, true self-appreciation, right? Not the kind where we're putting ourselves above other people or there's this narcissism. No. It is truly a deep and I'm going to say a deep spiritual divine appreciation for the being that each of us are.

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12:37

The beautiful human beings that each of us are. We can see the beauty in other people. And can we allow it to be true for us too? And you allow it to be true about you. And I allow it to be true about me.

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12:52

So that's one thing, right? We're all always working on that deep love and respect of self and how we honor and protect ourselves. Also, and I've already spoken about this a little bit, oftentimes when you think about what you allow into your life with relationship dynamics, situations, work-life balance, how you're expending your energy, most of the time we don't think we have a choice.

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13:19

We believe things like, this is just the way it is. I'm not really allowed to say no to this. I'm not allowed to set boundaries. I'm not allowed to choose or opt for not having something in my life. And I'm just, I don't have a choice.

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13:35

And I want you to notice if that's hitting for you in some way. What I want to tell you is you have more choice than you realize in terms of what you allow into your life, who you allow into your life, the dynamics you allow into your life, the chaos, the confusion, the uncertainty, all of it.

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13:55

You have more of a choice than you realize. And do not take this statement as a reason to beat yourself up. We all need reminders that we have more choice than we realize. We, you, all of us. The second thing that often gets in the way, or I guess this is the third, right?

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14:13

Because I'm talking about that love of self first, which is just absolutely fundamental, choice. And the next one is believing that something different is possible for us. And I think this is a really big one, especially when it comes to relationships.

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14:31

So in master coach training and the deeper coaching mastery work I do within relationships, one of the things we identify in particular in partnership relationships, but honestly, it can come in different forms in relationships is that it's very common to have an element of fear, right?

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14:49

Fears around abandonment, fears around loss of connection, fear around loss of love. That's all a very real and very normal and very common thing that human beings have varying degrees of fear around and layers about.

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15:07

And so especially in relationships, one of the main reasons that we tolerate things and we don't advocate for ourselves is maybe we don't believe something better is possible. And so therefore, if I don't settle, if I say this isn't allowed, where does that leave me?

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15:27

Am I alone in this? Am I solo? Am I unloved? Am I uncared for? Am I feeling rejected and out of the pack, which is a really big deal, right? And so I think that just even for today, it's enough just to acknowledge, like, if in this area of relationship dynamics or like the way I run my schedule and the levels of stress I hold, or in terms of where my mind goes, how I expend my energy, if I really, truly believed more was possible and I love myself, would I allow this in my life? Really good thing to think about. Removing the judgment and knowing that believing something new, right, curating new thoughts, it's great to talk about.

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16:14

And sometimes we can have those mindset shifts pretty easily. And also shifting beliefs requires a lot more depth of understanding of the self, the nervous system, our emotional world, right? And the type of cognitive shifts in the mind that actually work.

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16:31

And so just acknowledging that, right? Easy to say, oh, we just manifest, we just believe, we just think harder. But the reality is like, that was the school of thought that I learned when I came to coaching, right?

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16:41

It's all about the mind, the mind, the mind. Thoughts create feelings, shift your thoughts, shift your life. True, yes. And as human beings, there's a lot more going on for us. And we have human biology that we have to work with.

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16:55

There has to be a sense of safety within us. We have to be in a place of safety as a human being before we can even begin to see and understand the beliefs that are there and why they're there. And that's how we can allow them to dissipate.

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17:14

Okay. One more thing I want to hit on here, which is why we allow these things in our lives, why we've stayed here, is oftentimes many of us, many of you may feel like, I don't even know where to begin.

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17:31

Yeah, this relationship, I can tell it's not really working and long term it won't work, but what do I do with that? Right. And maybe you thought, I've tried to have a more positive attitude. I've tried to change my behaviors.

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17:42

I've tried X, Y, and Z. And I just, I don't even know where to begin to actually make the changes. And what I want to say is, of course it can feel that way. Of course, we don't know where to begin. And this truly is why, you know, I'm so passionate about the work I do of helping you to understand your mind and your emotions and the nervous system and the habits and how they fit together because I have been in this place of trying to change my life by accessing my thoughts and changing my beliefs and working so hard to change a relationship dynamic.

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18:19

And the reality is we have a lot going on in the background. There is a lot that is stored in the body, in the nervous system. And I think that it can be easy to believe that we should just be able to overcome that, or that maybe it would be hard for other people to make changes, but it shouldn't be for us.

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18:39

But guess what? We all have a brain. We all have a body. We all have a nervous system. So if you feel like I don't really know where to begin, you're not alone in that. And what I will also say is you're already beginning because you're here.

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18:55

So as we wrap up this episode, this is really just a lot of food for thought, a lot of food for thought. Here's what I want you to take away from this, okay? This question, if I deeply loved myself, would I allow this into my life?

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19:12

Please allow that to be there with so much self-compassion. Okay. There may be a tendency to want to judge, to criticize, to say, oh my gosh, I don't love myself. I'm so stupid that I've allowed this.

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19:27

We're not doing that, right? What we're doing is we're bringing self-compassion. If I deeply loved myself, would I allow this into my life? As you bring that question to mind. And as I'm saying these things, these are things you can think about.

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19:42

You can, you know, walk. One of the things I do with my clients whenever we're talking about this stuff is we find a way that they are able to integrate it. Sometimes that's walking. Sometimes that's journaling.

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19:51

Sometimes that's tapping. Whatever way you're able to bring these questions in and allow them to be effective, do that. So would I allow this into my life? Do I see that I have choice? And if not, what if it's possible that I have a little more choice than I realize?

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20:11

Great question to ask. Okay? If I believed more were possible, would it be easier to no longer allow this in my life? Okay. And the last thing I want to offer you is the idea that maybe because you're here, you already do know where to begin and where to start.

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20:37

You're asking the question, you're connecting with yourself, and you're thinking about what might be possible. And these are the last thing I want to leave you with here. Life, it can be pretty messy.

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20:56

Life is a lot messier than I ever, ever imagined it would be. I had a pretty good idea of what my life was going to be when I was younger. And I mapped out the trajectory. And I knew what my life was going to look like, what it was going to be like.

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21:13

And I was ready to make that happen. And the reality is that life is a lot messier than we realize. And we all have internal things that we need to work with that are going to create snags and bumps in the road for us.

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21:33

Old patterns, old habits, emotions that are stuck, fears that are there. It's all there. It's all there for us. Okay. And so life is messy. I know life doesn't go the way many of us think that it will at one point in time.

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21:49

And what I will also say absolutely is that you have the power and the ability and the determination to curate an amazing life for you. And an amazing life doesn't mean perfection. It doesn't just mean checking boxes.

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22:13

It means the ability to curate a life where you are allowing in good things, where you are saying no and setting boundaries around things that do not belong in your life. You have the ability to experience more peace.

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22:36

More peace, more joy, more of an expanded, authentic life is possible. It may not be neat and tidy. The road there may not always be pretty or simple. And yet, it is possible. You are worth it. You are loved.

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22:56

And I want you to consider thinking today about what you would curate if you knew it was possible. All right. That's what I've got for you today. I'll talk with you next week. And don't forget to check out that retreat.

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23:11

If you're interested in spending a few days in person, let's dive deep. Let's take a look at what's there for you. And let's help you to really curate what you want inside and therefore allow it to expand outside as well.

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23:27

All right. I'll talk with you all next week.