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Welcome, everyone, to session three. Today we are talking about the language of your emotional world. And so this is part three of six where I've been teaching the life mastery method.

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And before you panic and think, "Oh no, I haven't heard those. I need to go back," stay with me here. Stay with me here. We're gonna talk about your emotional world.

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We're gonna talk about what you never learned about your emotions, and we're gonna talk about how understanding your emotions is what will unlock everything for you.

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Your emotions give you clarity on what you want and what you need. Your emotions give you clarity as to why you're stuck.

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Your emotions and having a new relationship and awareness and understanding of your emotions is the thing that will make the difference.

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And not only that, but it's something that we don't learn about enough, we don't talk about enough, especially in the coaching world. So this is what we're talking about today.

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And I'm gonna talk briefly about what the past episodes have touched on so you'll be all caught up to speed. So get excited. Get excited.

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This is for sure my favorite topic, the biggest game changer for me personally and in training master coaches, advanced training certification students, and working with clients.

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This is the piece that absolutely transforms them. All right? So before I go any further, I want to make sure that you all know that enrollment for Master Coach Training is open right now.

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This is my one-year deep dive signature program where you will immerse yourself in all of these concepts that I teach every single week.

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This is where you will truly understand yourself when it comes to mind mastery, your emotions, where you will understand more about your nervous system and what it takes to make the changes that you want in your life.

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Now, not only that, but believe me when I say it is going to completely open up, expand, and enhance your experience of life, your relationships. The personal pieces of this are unbelievable.

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That is when my master coaches at the end of certification, they-- not only do they feel super confident, they have these new tools, they know what to do with their clients, check, check, check, but every single one of them says to me every single time without fail, "I didn't even know I needed this in this way.

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I didn't know what I was missing, and I never would have imagined that my personal life and how I feel every single day would be so different." So, I know I went off on a little bit of a tangent.

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You can tell I get pretty excited about it.

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So Master Coach Training is where you're gonna master all of these concepts for you, learn to support your clients, and also, by the way, we touch on so many different niches in Master Coach Training.

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So not only are you gonna learn these essentials of change, but you're gonna learn about parenting, family life, motherhood. Grief, you're going to explore.

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You're going to learn more about the nervous system. You're going to explore relationships, achievement, productivity.

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So it's such a great way for you to be well-rounded as a coach, well-rounded as a human being, and also to be able to really focus in and niche down if you so desire. So Master Coach Training is open.

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Go to mollyclaire.com or go here in the show notes to apply. When you submit your application, it goes right to my inbox. I review them personally.

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This is a very personalized program where I am your mentor, and so I will review the application, and we go from there. And I will have a conversation with you.

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I really want to make sure that everyone in this program is just the right fit. So, so excited, as always, to work with a great new group. So Master Coach Training open for enrollment. Let's do it.

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05:03

Let's talk about the Life Mastery Method, and let's take a step back and remember what we talked about the last two weeks. Can change really happen, right? That was session one. Can we really change?

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Because I seem to be doing the same things day in and day out despite my best efforts. Can we really change?

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Because my sister or my neighbor or that guy seems to still be a complete mess no matter how many times I hear them say they want to change. Can change really happen? The answer is yes.

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We talked about that on session one. We know how change happens. We know it's possible. And we understand how we as coaches can support people in change. Okay? Session two was all about mind mastery.

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And while we talked about the power of our mind, understanding our thoughts and shifting our beliefs, the thing that we really focused on is that our thoughts happen in patterns, our beliefs happen in patterns, and guess what?

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They're not isolated to thought patterns that we can access by just talking through what we're thinking.

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And in fact, some of the most powerful shifts within our mind, within our thoughts, our beliefs, our mindset actually happen when we access the emotional self, when we access the nervous system.

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And so if you haven't listened to that episode, make sure and go back and listen to it, because this is not traditional thought work or mindset work.

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We're talking about, yeah, we need to make the mindset shifts, we need to shift perspective, we need to believe more is possible, but how do we access that? Okay?

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And now here we are, session three, your emotional world. And this is what I wanna say about this.

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Your emotions, understanding your own emotions, learning about your emotions, being with your emotions, and understanding your emotional needs.

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That is the thing that will unlock for you the greatest level of success.

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When I'm talking about success, yes, I mean that goal, that money you wanna make, that thing you wanna do, but I'm talking about the type of success that is actually fulfilling for you.

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All of that stuff I just talked about with your emotions, understanding it, unlocking it, meeting those emotional needs, is what will open up your deepest and most powerful connected relationships.

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That is what is going to help you to finally have a better sense of wellbeing, physically, emotionally, spiritually.

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Your emotional world is the key to you feeling the way you wanna feel, the key to you having what you want to have, and the key to you being who you want to be.

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And I'm gonna take it a step further and say who you really are meant to be, what is possible for you.

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I feel that strongly about this, and we're gonna talk about it as we first ask the question: what did you learn about your own emotions? So I have a few things here on the board, right?

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We hear things like, "Don't cry," right?" Just be grateful. Just stay positive. Don't overreact.

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You're too sensitive." We hear these kind of things a lot of ways that, as children, we get the message that our feelings are wrong, that our feelings are bad, that our feelings should be shut down, and our feelings are a problem.

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And I want you to take a minute and think, like, what of these things did I hear, or what other messages did I get about my own emotions?

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And I wanna take this a step further because I think we can hear these things pretty often, right?

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Especially i- if you're listening to this podcast, your algorithm probably gives you all kinds of things about the nervous system and emotions and all these things, right? And we hear these things.

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We know that while we learned you shouldn't cry, and we're kind of all realizing that's not really true.

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But I wanna take it a step further and not only highlight what you learned because of what you heard, but I wanna talk about what you learned because of what you didn't hear, what you learned because of what was not there.

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Now, you see here I have this word emotional neglect, and I know neglect is a big word.

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But we're gonna talk about this in terms of a lack of emotional support because the reality is that me, you, everyone listening to this, uh, all of your kids, like every human being, has moments in our lives when our emotional needs are not met.

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Now, when I'm talking about emotional neglect, I'm talking about when people consistently do not have emotional support, do not have their emotional needs met.

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And I'm gonna reference my favorite book on this topic. This is by Jonice Webb, and it is called Running on Empty: Overcoming Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. This will be in the show notes.

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Everyone should read this book, okay? So when it comes to emotional neglect, we're, we're really talking about situations where there is consistently a lack of emotional support for many reasons.

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But for the sake of this conversation right here, I wanna talk about this i- in a little more nuanced way and just acknowledge that there have been times that all of us have found ourselves, especially in childhood, where we had big emotions and we didn't have support with them.

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And while just a minute ago we were talking about the specific messages like, "Don't cry, don't be so emotional, don't be so reactive. Emotions are bad. Your emotions are a problem.

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Your emotions need to be quiet," we're now talking about what happens when we're having big emotions and no one is there to support us and to help us with those emotions.

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What about when there's someone there, but there's absolutely no emotional support happening?

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And what happens is even though we may not be getting a message coming in from the outside, what happens is we're feeling what we're feeling. And I'm gonna give you a specific example of this, okay?

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To make it really clear. But we're feeling what we're feeling, and we don't know what to do with that emotion, right? Think about yourself. Maybe you're five years old, seven years old, whatever age.

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I'm sure you can all think of a time, and you're feeling a big emotion, and you're not sure what to do with it. Where do I go with this?

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And what happens is that we, as a child, try to make sense of this emotion. We try to make sense of what to do with it, okay?

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And, and because of this, we're actually creating a message internally about what to do with our emotions.

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And what this can look like is, okay, if I have nowhere to turn with these emotions, then I'm gonna turn them on myself, and I'm gonna try to figure out what is wrong. Why am I feeling this?

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When there's no one to help with those emotions, we can think things like, "How do I stop this emotion from happening?" Right? And this is when we learn avoidance skills.

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When we're scared of our own emotions- Let's say little Molly is there, and she's seven years old, and she's at home, and she's feeling anxious, and she's feeling worried about school, and nobody's there.

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What happens?

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Well, maybe seven-year-old Molly, who's scared of her feelings and overwhelmed and thinks they're her fault, because that's what we do internally, is gonna come up with a lot of coping strategies to say, "How do I prevent this feeling from ever happening again?" How many of you can relate to this?

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Ways that we have tried to create a life that will prevent us from feeling certain emotions, control our day, control our relationships in a way that will keep us from having to feel certain things.

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And how many of you can relate to having ways of just avoiding your emotions by talking yourself out of them? We talked about that last week, right?

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Where we're using thought work to talk ourselves out of emotions.

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And so my point in saying all of this is to you, that many of us, without realizing it, when we weren't taught about our emotions, when we didn't have help with our emotions, when we didn't have support with our emotions, when we were alone in our emotions, and we didn't know what to do with them, we often internalized that experience and came up with a lot of ideas about our emotions.

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Emotions are scary. Emotions are hard. Emotions are bad. I need to prevent them. I need to stop them from happening.

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And what I am feeling must be wrong because it can't possibly be right to be feeling this bad. How many of you relate to these things? And I have a worksheet that goes along with this.

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So let me, let me pause here and say that there is a worksheet here in the show notes. You can certainly go back and grab that, but that worksheet is gonna help you take a look at this.

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And I think it's important to think about, ah, where do I relate to this? What was my experience of my emotions when I was a kid? And how do I see that playing out now? Okay?

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So what happens when we have these messages from the outside about our emotions or when we have made sense of our emotions inside, our relationship with our emotions will become something like closed off from the body.

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This is where we say like, "Okay, I'm coaching with my client, and I'm talking with them through what's happening," but they are cut off from the neck down. They are detached from their emotions.

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They are living in their head. They are trying to think their way out of all of their emotions. They are trying to be logical instead of emotional.

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But what's happening actually is not only are they closed off from their emotions, but they're closed off often from their own intuition, from their own knowing.

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They're closed off from the important messages that exist in the body and within our emotions.

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What happens is this relationship with emotions becomes disconnected, where we're disconnected from ourself and disconnected from others. What happens is we have a limited capacity for emotions.

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I'm gonna give you a great example. I had a client who really, really struggled when her kids had big emotions. I mean, everyone does, right?

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Like, as I'm saying this, I'm sure you all relate to this, and I relate to this too.

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But in particular, it was, it was almost as if she had an intolerance for it, and she was so frustrated with herself.

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And what this really came down to is that she had never had support with her own emotions as a child, and she never learned to be with her emotions or to understand them.

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And so she had a limited emotional capacity herself.

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And so of course, she couldn't tolerate if her children were having emotions, not only because of how it affected her, but how she perceived it affected them, right?

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So when we have these messages about our emotions, when this is what we learn, we have a limited capacity. And what is the effect of this?

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Well, the effect of this, in simple terms, is we don't know who we are.

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If I'm not aware of my emotions, if I'm trying to think my way out of every feeling or control everything so that I'll feel better, guess what?

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By not knowing my own emotional world, I don't fully know myself. I don't know what I need. I don't know what I want. I take care of everyone else, but where am I in all of this?

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Typically, we don't advocate for ourselves because we don't even understand what we need. When we have this type of limited relationship with our own emotions, it leads to a limited life.

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It leads to a limited quality and experience of life, and what I mean by that is our own aliveness, and it actually creates poor health physically, mentally, emotionally. Your emotions matter.

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They're not just something to be solved or something to be taken care of or something to lower the temperature on. Your emotions matter, and we're gonna talk more about why as we keep going here.

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So we learn these things about our emotions, right? Emotions are bad. Emotions should be tossed to the side. Emotions should be eliminated. They should be solved. They shouldn't be so big.

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But what's actually true is this: you have emotional needs. What's actually true is that you, me, all of us need to be seen, heard, understood, and valued in our relationships.

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What's actually true is that your feelings need to be felt. Your feelings and your experience of your life needs to be validated as okay to feel, as important to feel.

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Your feelings need to be processed. They need to be understood, okay?

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Now, sometimes people can get a little confused because they think emotions equate to certain behaviors, but actually the way I feel and the way I behave in relation to those emotions are two different things.

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I want to make that clear. Just because my feelings are being validated doesn't mean my perspective, my viewpoint, or my mindset is validated as truth.

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Those are two very different things, and I wanna make that clear, okay? And what's actually true is that emotions teach us. They bring us clarity in our life, and our emotions help us develop the self.

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When we cut ourselves off from our emotions, we actually can't emotionally develop. We can't develop more emotional maturity. We can avoid those feelings.

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We can think differently, but we're not actually developing. All right? So good. I love this topic so, so much. I hope you're loving the worksheet along with it. So let's talk about why does this matter?

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Well, the reason getting to know your emotional world matters, the reason understanding, knowing, and acknowledging your emotional needs is because when you do, the most powerful mindset work you'll ever do will actually work, instead of continuing to try to change your thoughts and beliefs but never really getting there.

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I'm gonna say this again. Getting to know your emotional world means the most powerful mindset shifts you are seeking will actually work. It also matters because guess what?

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When you get to know your emotional world and you understand your emotional needs, nervous system regulation becomes easier, becomes possible.

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Because when we're trying to deny our emotions, guess what? That is activating.

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And I will tell you that I have seen this in my clients who try to rely on mindset and shut off their emotions and ignore what they're feeling and ignore what they are needing.

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They end up very activated, in a sympathetic nervous system state more often, and they can't figure out why they are so activated. Why are they in a trauma response?

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And the reason why, they're trying to cut out the emotions. They're trying to outthink them.

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The other reasons this matters is that when you understand your emotional needs, you will get clarity in what you want and what you need and what your path in life is.

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When you know your own emotional world, you will better advocate for yourself at work, in your business, in your relationships.

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And this is very different than complaining and being frustrated that you're not getting what you want or arguing about things.

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I'm talking about understanding your needs at a level to which you actually see how important they are, and you effectively speak up for them, and you effectively take action in order to have your needs met.

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And the last reason that I really wanna highlight about why getting to know your emotional world matters is relationships. If you do not know yourself, how can you know someone else?

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If you do not love yourself, how can you fully love someone else? When you cannot handle your own emotions, how can you be with other people in their emotions? We just can't.

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And the emotion work that I have done personally and that I teach, the difference it has made for me in my relationships and in my ability to have deep, powerful relationships is the greatest gift in all of it, hands down, 100%.

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So yes, it matters. Yes, your emotional world matters. So I'm gonna finish up here because I-- there is no way, no way I can cover all of this here.

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And truly, this is the deepest work that I do with my clients. But I'm gonna give you a starting point, okay? So where do you start?

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Well, as you begin to notice your emotions, and more specifically, the next time you notice an emotion, instead of going to, "How do I stop this feeling?" Or, "I shouldn't be feeling this way," or, "What's wrong with me?" Instead, I want you to ask questions like this: What am I feeling?

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And why am I feeling this way? Without any judgment, without any criticism, without trying to talk myself out of it, why am I feeling this way? And let the answer be okay. What do I need?

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I know what I'm feeling. What do I need right now? Another great question: How can I take care of myself when I'm feeling this way?

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When I'm feeling sad, when I'm feeling angry, when I'm feeling frustrated, how can I care about how I feel and take care of myself?

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And I'm telling you, this one thing will shift you from fighting against your feelings to actually being someone who really cares about yourself, takes care of yourself, is kind to yourself.

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And that shift in the self-relationship is the absolute foundation of confidence, of self-trust, of self-knowing. Of everything you wanna create as a self-led person, that is the foundation.

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Another question, and really take this in. What if I'm allowed to feel this way right now? So when you're angry, what if I'm allowed to feel angry?

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I'm not saying that I'm allowed or that I should go scream at someone, but what if I'm allowed to feel angry? What if it's okay?What if I can care about myself when I'm angry?

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What if I can be curious about myself when I'm angry?

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What if I can allow this feeling to be here, and I can learn from it, rather than trying to shut it down, rather than trying to erase it, or rather than simply reacting from it?

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This is what I've got for you today. I would love to hear from you all on this episode. The work of our emotions is the greatest work of my life, at this point anyway.

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It is the absolute greatest gift that I have given myself to do this emotion work for myself. It is the greatest gift I can give my clients, and I hope this feels like a gift to you.

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Next week, we are talking about the nervous system. If you haven't listened to episodes one and two, go ahead and listen to those now. If you haven't downloaded the worksheet, take the time to get it.

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Do that work for yourself. Take this all in.

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And by the way, if you're interested in taking a deep dive with me, make sure to fill out that application because we are going to be doing all of this work together in master coach training in the year to come.

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All right. I'll talk with you all next week. Bye.