00:39

Hello, everyone. Welcome to this week's podcast. What is going on in your world?

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00:46

Seems like everyone I'm talking to is finishing up with summer and getting ready for school, and there's just so many changes going on in the world, in the online marketing space, and it just, it seems like everyone feels like they're struggling to keep up.

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01:01

So if that's you, I just want you to know you're not alone, and this is a moment for you. This is a moment for you. We're not in a rush. We're gonna be here together.

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01:12

We're gonna listen, we're gonna learn. We're gonna understand more about your nervous system, which ironically is very much related to this sense of always rushing and hurrying.

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01:22

So let's learn together today here, okay? So I would love to know how you are liking this series on creating change.

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01:33

Uh, a few weeks ago, if you're, if you're just tuning in, we have been diving into the Life Mastery Method.

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01:38

This is a six-part series on the podcast where I am talking with you about the things that I teach my life coaches in master coach training so that they can support their clients in transformation, and this is exactly the foundation, the framework that I use when I am coaching my private clients.

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02:01

And this methodology has come from the last over a decade of working with different coaching methodologies, creating coach training, and training thousands of coaches, and not only seeing what works and seeing what doesn't, but understanding the gaps and filling them.

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02:20

So the reality is that we're all looking for change, right? You're all here right now because you want something from this podcast. You want to learn. You want to gain some sense of growth.

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02:33

And for those of you following me that are coaches, your world is all about change, right? Your clients are coming to you because they feel stuck. They feel frustrated. They wanna make more money.

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02:45

They wanna move up in their job. They wanna shift careers. They wanna have a better relationship. They want their health to be better, right?

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02:52

We're all seeking change, and yet a lot of people feel stuck, and they don't know where to turn.

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02:59

And especially, I especially like speaking to those of you who are the achievers, the doers, who you're doing all the things and yet you still feel stuck.

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03:08

Because in my experience, there are reasons, very good reasons, that make sense as to why this is the case, and you do not have to stay stuck.

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03:17

So if we back up a little bit, on the first session in the series, we were talking about does change happen. Is change possible?

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03:25

And we answered that question with a resounding yes, and it requires us to understand more about the mind and the body.

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03:32

We need to understand how the brain works, how our emotions work biologically, psychologically, so that we can create change.

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03:41

Session two was all about mind mastery, and we talked about how even the best mindset work, working to shift our thoughts and change our beliefs, is not going to work if we are stuck in old patterns in the nervous system with our emotions, and really that we need to not only understand the patterns happening for us, but we need to understand that sometimes changing the way we think is not as simple as just having a conversation and noticing where our thoughts are stuck and choosing something different, right?

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04:14

Sometimes we need to access it a different way. So that was session two.

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04:18

Session three, last week we were talking about your emotional world, which in my opinion is the biggest gap in coach training programs, the biggest gap in coaches' skills and abilities.

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04:32

And I know a lot of coaches don't really know what to do with emotions, and I've worked with a lot of coaches that have come to me, and their methodology before meeting me is, "Well, we shift the thoughts.

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04:43

If you shift your thoughts, you shift the way you feel." Well, there's truth in that, and also it's not that clear-cut because not every emotion begins with a thought.

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04:52

And there, there's just so much more to it. And, and what I really drove home on that episode last week, and if you haven't listened, I highly recommend you go listen to it.

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05:01

What I really drove home and what I wanna highlight to you is that you, me, everyone listening, all of your clients, we have emotional needs, and most of us have not learned what those are.

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05:16

We don't know how to pay attention to them, and it's a big problem. Because when our emotional needs are not recognized, are not met, are not advocated for, are not prioritized, this is what it means.

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05:32

It means poor health. It means poor mental and emotional health. It means struggle in relationships. It means you are stuck, and you cannot achieve what you want, and you don't know why.

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05:48

So check out that episode from last week. Your emotional world matters. Your emotional needs matter.

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05:54

This is the foundation of the work that I do with my private clients and what I train my coaches to do.Okay.So now, today, we're talking about the nervous system.

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06:09

If you're here, you probably are in the coaching world, in the self-help world, and you've probably heard a lot about the nervous system. You've heard me talk about it. It's a big buzzword.

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06:17

It's everywhere. And what I wanna say is there is very good reason for that.

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06:24

And I think sometimes we can think about the nervous system as the enemy, and we think, "Oh, the nervous system, this means I'm activated. It means I'm dysregulated.

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06:34

It means I'm in a trauma response." And all the conversation around the nervous system seems to be about that, when actually I wanna just acknowledge and actually express gratitude for our nervous systems.

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06:52

This amazing, amazing system that helps us to survive and even to thrive.

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07:03

And I know for me personally, I can say I am grateful for a nervous system that helped me to be able to see clearly that a relationship that I was in several years ago was unhealthy for me.

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07:20

And I bring this up because I know a lot of people can think that the nervous system is the enemy, and one of the things I wanna drive home to you today is that the nervous system, your nervous system, and being able to work with it is about discernment.

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07:38

It is about understanding when you are stuck in a stress state versus when you are having healthy activation, where your nervous system and a sympathetic nervous system is actually helping to mobilize you.

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07:57

It's not all bad.

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07:59

And we're also gonna talk about discernment in terms of discerning when your nervous system. See, you seem to be freaking out a little bit because you're having triggers from your past and your mind is going haywire on what's going on, right?

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08:19

Making up all kinds of stories versus the nervous system alerting you to things you need to pay attention to.

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08:28

So again, I know we hear a lot of talk about, you know, this idea that, yes, we're, we're having this survival response, right? We're thinking we're in danger, but most of us are not in danger.

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08:39

That's true. And also, it's true that there are unhealthy emotion patterns in relationships that are damaging to us, and our nervous system can alert us to that.

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08:52

There are situations in work, in jobs, where we are not taking care of ourselves, where our nervous system is saying, "Hey, this is a no-go. We can't do this." So this is what I wanna talk about.

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09:04

I wanna talk about the nuance of the nervous system. And listen, this is one episode. You are not gonna gain everything you need to learn about the nervous system from this, right?

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09:13

Um, in master coach training, we dive into this. Leah Davidson is the woman who teaches the nervous system in master coach training with me. She is phenomenal. I will link her podcast in the show notes.

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09:25

She does her own training on the nervous system, and I'll tell you, if you wanna learn more about it, she is the absolute go-to. But we're here today.

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09:35

Let's talk about the nervous system, and let's talk about it in terms of creating change. So take a minute right now and think about the area you want to create change, okay?

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09:49

Maybe it's in your business. Maybe it's, uh, just in your job, in your place of work. Maybe it's within your parenting. Maybe it's in the space of your own health, your own well-being.

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10:07

Maybe perhaps it's in that primary relationship. Okay.

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10:11

Whatever area it is for you, I want you to take a minute to think about the feelings that come up for you when you think about that area of your life.

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10:24

And I want you to think about how often you feel you go to a stress state, highly activated, highly reactive, overwhelmed, mind is spinning.

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10:40

And my guess is that as you're thinking about this, you don't like that feeling, and you wish that feeling were different.

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10:48

We're talking about this today because the nervous system is the backdrop of all of your thoughts and feelings. The nervous system is complex. Your nervous system helps to keep you alive.

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11:02

It helps all of the functions that are happening in your body: breathing, your heartbeat, everything. Everything running on autopilot, we wanna thank the nervous system for that, okay?

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11:16

The nervous system alerts us to danger. The nervous system keeps us safe.

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11:21

The nervous system is a beautiful gift to us, and it's important that we understand it is the backdrop of all of our thoughts and feelings, and that's why we need to understand it, okay?

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11:31

In today's episode, we're gonna talk more about the old brain versus the new brain, okay? When we're talking about the old brain, this includes the midbrain.

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11:38

I'm going through just, like, touching on this. Again, there's so much more to learn, but I'm just gonna give you enough to understand today. But I know some of you are more well-versed.

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11:46

So when I'm talking about the old brain, this includes the midbrain, okay?

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11:50

And we're gonna talk about the idea that the old brain really wants us to stay the same, wants us to conserve energy, is really wanting us to survive, okay?

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12:01

And then we're gonna talk about the new brain, which is where we have the center of change. And it's interesting if we think about this question we've been answering, is change possible?

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12:11

Why do we self-sabotage? Why do we not change?

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12:13

Well, if we have an old brain and a new brain, and the old brain is saying, "Hey, stay the same," and the new brain is the center of change, we have a bit of conflict, right? These competing goals.

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12:23

And so it makes sense that we struggle to create change. And this is not bad news. This is good news. The more we understand, the better.

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12:32

And we're also gonna talk more about dysregulation and the fact that our sympathetic nervous system, which again we often think of as the stress, the survival, we think of trauma responses, is not all bad.

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12:47

We actually need that for healthy activation in our life to move forward, okay? When I'm gonna get up and speak in front of a room, guess what? I'm gonna feel a little nervous.

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12:57

I'm gonna have s- I'm, I'm...My sympathetic nervous system is mobilizing me. It's activating me.

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13:03

Now, it's a problem when it goes to dysregulation or a trauma response, and we lose access to that prefrontal cortex, okay?

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13:11

But we're gonna talk a little bit more about this and, and really emphasize that the problem is when we stay stuck in a chronic stress and our activation is disproportionate, okay?

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13:23

That's when it's a problem. And we're gonna talk about these three areas for a minute: health, wealth, relationships. These are the basic areas of change. So when it comes to coaching, right?

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13:35

As a coach, people are coming to me usually wanting change in one of these three areas or maybe all of them, right? Better relationships, better finances, better health.

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13:47

Now, let's think about why understanding the nervous system matters if we are trying to create change in our relationships.

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13:54

Well, if you are in a relationship where there are constant triggers and you are moving to that stress state, even dysregulated often, being reactive, doing the same behaviors over and over again because you just go right to that place of those automated reactive behaviors, this seems to be a problem, right?

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14:16

Now, in the same vein, when we are in a relationship where there is an unhealthy dynamic, our nervous system will alert us to that.

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14:25

And so sometimes when I have a client come to me, this is classic of what I see with clients working with me in their relationship, is that my clients, of course, are highly intelligent, highly self-aware.

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14:38

Many of them are coaches or have a similar business, and they already can see these unhealthy patterns of being reactive.

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14:46

And if they have this going on in their relationship, they come to me, right, and they say, "I know I just need to ground myself. I need to be more present." And I know this is often what I hear.

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14:58

"I know that this, my nervous system is my problem. It is the problem. I am making up stories. I am not in danger." And often- well, not often.

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15:08

I'm gonna say a good amount of the time, these relationships actually have some very problematic elements to them, and there's good reason that my client is going to this state of dysregulation and trauma responses, because sometimes it is their nervous system saying, "Hey, this is detrimental to you mentally and emotionally." So I just wanna drive this point home.

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15:35

The key is discernment, right? The key is, okay, I'm having these, these responses in relationships or at work, in business, with my kids, whatever it is, right? Is this dysregulation?

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15:51

Are these red flags that are coming up that make no sense because they're coming from past fears or stories I'm making up? Or is this actually detection? Think about a smoke alarm, right?

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16:04

A smoke alarm can go off because it's-- there's something wrong with it, right? It's dysregulated. It's not working properly. Oh my gosh, how about the worst?

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16:12

Guaranteed, your smoke alarm batteries are gonna go out in the middle of the night when you've just been probably up the last five nights with sick kids or something, right? Isn't this how it goes?

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16:24

It is like my nemesis and especially...Yes, I will, I w- I could go on and on about that. But as a single mom, and I'm pretty short, so I have to get the big ladder, right?

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16:33

It's gonna happen in the middle of the night. So anyway, think about that, right?

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16:37

So a smoke alarm can go off when there's nothing going on, and also a smoke alarm can go off to alert us that we need to pay attention to something.

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16:46

So then the question is: Is the smoke alarm working properly? Is this an issue with the batteries or is there smoke? Is something going on? Okay?

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16:56

And so I have these listed out here: relationships, finances, health. I've got-- I've talked about the relationship piece, but the takeaway is the same for all of these.

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17:05

I want you to think about really discerning and distinguishing why your body is reacting the way that it is, and don't make assumptions about it, okay? So change.

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17:19

We all want change: health, wealth, relationships.

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17:22

We're gonna talk about here in just a second the old brain and the new brain, and I just wanna give a reminder that the prefrontal cortex, okay, which is housed in the new brain, we can think of that as the center of change, okay?

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17:36

And so why is it the center of change? Well, the prefrontal cortex is where we have all of our executive functioning skills: planning, strategizing, creative problem-solving.

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17:47

This is how we have connection.

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17:49

So when, when we think about the parts of our body and brain that are trying to survive versus the part that is growth-focused, the prefrontal cortex is where we have that ability to see ahead, to think ahead, and to plan, right?

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18:05

And so when it comes to change, the nervous system matters because we wanna understand when and how we are in more of a stress state, right? When we're having dysregulation, and what that means.

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18:22

Do I need to take a look at really helping myself to be more grounded, more of a calm state more often? Is this alarm going off unwarranted?

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18:34

Or do I, in addition to working on that regulation, need to pay attention to what's here for me, right?

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18:42

And then understanding also that when we can have access to that prefrontal cortex, that is how we create change. That is how we think ahead, and we plan, and we problem solve.

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18:54

So let's talk for a minute about the old brain, and I'm breaking this up into this really simple way.

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19:00

This is the way that Leah teaches it right from the beginning with my coaches, and I really love this.

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19:05

So I know this may seem like oversimplifying, but stay with me because this is like the most pertinent information, right? And you're gonna get so much from this.

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19:13

And my hope is that today you're going to be more mindful of this. So when we're talking about the old brain, we know that this is where the nervous system takes root, okay?

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19:24

And the old brain is where we have all of our survival happening, okay? This is where the basic life functions like breathing, heartbeat, blood pressure, wake and sleep cycles, is all automated, okay?

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19:41

Thank goodness it's on autopilot.Thank goodness we don't have to be thinking about these things consciously all the time, right?

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19:47

And in the old brain, we hardwire behavior from memory for efficiency, right?

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19:53

And so this is why when it comes to creating change or new habits, the way that I teach building new habits is thinking about and remembering the fact that when we practice a behavior, it becomes automated, and we can turn it over to the old brain, this efficient way of being, right?

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20:13

And we're not having to consciously, intentionally think about it all the time. I don't think about the details when I brush my teeth every day. I just do it. It's automated, right?

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20:22

And so what the great news about this is when we're thinking about creating change, we set the goal, we use strategy, we use planning, and as we do this with mindset, with emotion work, we can create new patterns, right?

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20:39

And they can be hardwired from memory, okay? Uh, another thing I have here, I know many of you are familiar with the motivational triad.

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20:48

And so here in the old brain, this is the part of the brain where you've probably heard before, this is where our brain is wanting to-- our survival brain is wanting to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and conserve energy, right?

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21:04

And so this is kind of why if we just had the old brain, we probably wouldn't do a lot of things to move ourselves forward, right?

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21:12

Because we would just be seeking those things that are gonna make us feel good. We would avoid anything that doesn't feel good. Forget relationships, right? Forget conversations.

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21:21

Forget going out on a limb in our business, right? And we're gonna conserve energy by doing the same things over and over again and not making any change, okay? So this is the old brain.

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21:32

We love the old brain. We're grateful that it takes care of so many things. It keeps us alive. It keeps us running. All right. Now we're gonna talk about the new brain, okay?

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21:42

So in the new brain, this is where we find the prefrontal cortex that we've talked about. This is where we have those executive functioning skills, right? Critical and strategic thinking happens here.

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21:55

The prefrontal cortex is the center of change. This is how and where we can have new thoughts. We can work to create new behaviors. We can work to create new patterns.

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22:09

This is our friend when it comes to creating change, right?

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22:14

And again, I wanna remind you that when we're in-- not just, uh, that sympathetic nervous system is activated, but if that sympathetic nervous system is having dysregulation and that activation is kind of really out of control and stuck, this is when we lose access to the prefrontal cortex, which is why it's important that we understand what state we're in.

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22:39

Because if we are in a stress state, a stress response, you will not have as much access to your prefrontal cortex, which is going to allow you to think clearly and respond rather than react, which is going to allow you to have creative problem-solving.

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23:01

This is why it's really important that we begin to understand and get familiar with our own state and where and when are the times that I am thinking critically, that I am thinking strategically, that I'm able to really have access to that prefrontal cortex.

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23:17

All right. So in a healthy, regulated state-- I think you're getting the idea right now, right? One is not-- one state is not good and the other bad, right?

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23:27

But really, a healthy, regulated state, a healthy nervous system, is actually able to move between the different states, sympathetic and parasympathetic, okay?

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23:38

That is, that is a healthy nervous system. This is when the old brain is supporting survival with enough safety signals, so that old brain is working.

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23:50

It's working, it's moving along, and it has enough safety signals that it's not going into fight, flight, dysregulated, ultra stress state, right?

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24:00

This is when we have both sympathetic and parasympathetic activation, okay? And we wanna remember that the old brain is the control center, okay? The old brain is always working.

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24:14

Now, that sympathetic activation is really one survival strategy in the old brain, okay? It's not all of it. And the issue again is chronic or inappropriate activation. So take a minute right now.

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24:32

Where in your life are you having chronic or inappropriate, or I may call it, like, exaggerated activation?

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24:44

That's what we wanna pay attention to, and as we pay attention to that, we wanna understand why is that. Is this an opportunity for me to learn something?

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24:54

Is my nervous system helping me see something that is not good for me? Or is this just a matter of me taking the time to work on my own nervous system resiliency?

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25:10

Is this a time for me to be more grounded more often, to do things to activate the vagus nerve, okay? Which I'm not even getting into that today, but so much more we could say about that.

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25:25

So as we wrap up this episode, I hope you're understanding how important the nervous system is in creating change.

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25:33

For those of you that are coaches, you have to be able to help your client understand more about the state they're in.

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25:38

Recognizing that stress state, recognizing being stuck in a stress state, recognizing what it feels like to activate that parasympathetic nervous system, to be calm, to be grounded, to be relaxed, to be in that space of openness and creativity, right?

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25:54

It matters.

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25:55

And for those of you that aren't coaches, for those of you just mastering your life and trying to grow and improve, I hope you're becoming more aware of just how valuable your nervous system is and how you can learn more about it.

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26:09

So when it comes to mind mastery, think about in that area of your life you're wanting to change, how often do you have access to that prefrontal cortex?

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26:20

How often are you in a state where you feel enough safety and you feel grounded enough to be able to access that?

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26:28

Think about for those of you that are coaches or working with clients toward goals, how often are you having ineffective sessions because the stress state of your client and that chronic stress?

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26:40

We really need to be aware of the state in order to be effective with regard to shifting thoughts and shifting beliefs, okay?

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26:50

When it comes to your emotional world, I wanna reiterate that if we're ignoring our emotional needs, if we're ignoring our emotional world, guess what's gonna happen?

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26:59

Our sympathetic nervous system is going to be activated more often, dysregulated in an unhealthy state. We've gotta pay attention to our emotions. Our emotions will not be ignored.

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27:13

Our emotional needs will not be ignored. One way or another, they will be heard. The reverse is also true when it comes to our emotions.

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27:21

When we can help to build nervous system resilience, when we can be more regulated more often, we're actually able to access our emotional world more easily. So both are true, right?

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27:35

Paying attention to the emotions helps us to regulate. Regulating helps us to access the emotions.

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27:42

And then this last one here is think about the actions that you've been wanting to take in that area of your life, and remember that by understanding how to make the best use of that prefrontal cortex, that planning part of our brain, we can actually have a plan.

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28:03

We can create new patterns, and we can then hardwire new behaviors so they become automatic. By the way, this is the same not just with actions we wanna take, but ways of being.

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28:15

If we wanna show up more calm and more present and more curious in our relationships, we can practice that ahead of time, and that behavior will become automatic. Okay?

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28:29

And so this is how when it comes to new actions and patterns, this is when we leverage the old brain and the new brain.

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28:34

We say, "Hey, I wanna create something new," and then I know I can count on my old brain, that very efficient part of me that wants to just do the same thing over and over again, to handle this, to put it on autopilot.

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28:47

What a beautiful thing. So here we go. Do you recognize your own state?

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28:53

Do you know the difference between being in a sympathetic nervous system state that is mobilizing you versus a sympathetic state where you are overly activated, where you are in chronic stress?

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29:08

Do you know the difference between that and a parasympathetic nervous system state? Think about how you feel. Notice it. Learn about it.

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29:17

Do you know how to support clients in their nervous system if you're a coach? If you don't, you need to learn. You absolutely need to learn.

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29:25

I had no idea about this when I first trained as a coach, and I cannot believe the huge gap that it left.

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29:33

And this is what I love about the work that I do in my training program is you really can't isolate these different pieces.

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29:40

The mind, the emotions, the nervous system, they work in conjunction with one another. And so you've gotta learn about it. You've gotta learn about it, okay?

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29:50

And then the last question here is what is one small step you're going to take today? What are you going to learn? What are you going to start noticing? What awareness are you going to have?

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30:00

And here's a big one for you. In that area where you find yourself extremely activated, take the time to ask yourself, "Is this simply a dysregulation issue, or is there something here for me?

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30:16

Is there something I need to pay attention to?" All right. That's what I've got for you. I cannot wait to see you on next week's episode, where we're talking about action strategies that work.

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30:27

I'll see you then.