00:39

Hello, listeners. Welcome to the podcast. Today, we're talking about taking action.

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00:46

I hope you are loving this series about the Life Mastery Method and how we create lasting change for you in your own personal life, and also for those of you that are coaches, that are leaders, that are mentors, how you can really understand what those you're working with need in order to create change.

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01:09

So we're continuing the conversation today. We're talking about a favorite topic for my achievers out there, taking action, doing the thing, and it's true, right?

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01:19

Taking action towards something, it feels so good. It helps us to have that sense of moving forward, going toward what we want.

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01:29

And at the same time, when we fall off of our plan or we fail to follow through, it can feel really terrible.

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01:37

And not only that, but we can begin to build beliefs that do not work for us, that do not serve us. And we can think things like, "I don't follow through.

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01:47

I'm never going to get there." So we're gonna talk a little bit today about your relationship with taking action.

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01:56

We're going to talk about action strategies that are going to help you to follow through more often, to set the type of plans that are actually going to work for you, and the type of action plans that take into account everything we've been talking about so far in this series.

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02:16

Understanding your mind, understanding your emotional world, understanding your nervous system.

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02:22

Because when you can understand more about the inner workings and what's behind behaviors, behavior patterns, and taking action, you can be so much more effective, okay?

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02:36

So this is what we are talking about. Uh, before we go any further, I want to make sure that you all know a few things. Number one, master coach training is enrolling. We are beginning this fall.

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02:48

If you have been waiting, if you would love to learn about the four fundamentals of lasting change, apply them to you, apply them to your clients, this is the opportunity. We dive into niche work.

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02:59

It is the most in-depth, comprehensive one-year program that you will ever find. And I love it. It's my heart and soul, and we are enrolling.

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03:10

Right alongside that, I want to let you know that I am also offering private master coach mentorship.

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03:17

So if you are interested in learning these fundamentals, if you are interested in learning more about your mind, your emotions, your nervous system in a really in-depth, personalized way, I now offer a private mentorship.

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03:33

And so if that's something you're interested in, go ahead and follow the same pathway that you find for applying for master coach training.

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03:41

Just indicate that on your application, and either way, I read every application, and I want to talk with each of you personally to make sure that we find the right fit for you.

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03:52

So last thing I want to mention is that as we are going into the new year, I am opening up a few private spots where I will be coaching one-to-one. I have not had this option open for a long time.

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04:06

I am really excited to open this back up again.

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04:09

So listen, if you love the idea of working together, of really getting to know yourself and your desires, and working through all the noise in your head and in your heart that keeps you from growing and creating what you want, I would love to partner with you.

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04:26

So you can check out that option as well at mollyclaire.com. That's where you can find everything. Okay, let's go.

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04:34

So today, we're talking about action strategies, and I want to make sure, first of all, that you know there is a worksheet alongside this session, okay? So you can pause here.

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04:45

Wherever you're listening to this, there should be a worksheet attached there that's just gonna help you personalize everything we're talking about.

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04:51

So today, this is session five of six in the series. We started out asking the question, is change really possible? And we dove more into that.

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05:03

If you haven't heard that episode, go back and listen to that after we're finished here, okay?

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05:09

The next session that we went through was mind mastery, how to understand the impact of your thoughts and beliefs, and also how to access them and actually change them, because you've probably been around the self-development world long enough to know it's not as easy as just reciting an affirmation.

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05:27

There's a lot more to it. Then we talked about your emotional world. We talked about taking the time to really see, what do you know about your own emotions?

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05:37

What do you understand about your emotional needs, and is that the reason that you are staying stuck where you are? Okay? So that was session three.

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05:45

Then last week, we talked about the nervous system, and we talked about how nervous system dysregulation Is something that is such a big topic right now, and we can often think of that as a problem in its own right to solve, when actually something I want everyone to think about in terms of your nervous system is getting to know your nervous system and understanding when that dysregulation is a red flag that something has to change.

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06:15

And so sometimes the system's just going haywire, and other times it really is useful. So that was last week. If you haven't listened to those episodes, definitely catch up on them.

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06:25

But you can stay here right with me now as we dive into action strategies that work. So I want you to consider this.

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06:34

I want you to take a minute to notice what you feel, what comes up for you when you hear that we are talking about taking action. Do you feel excitement? Do you feel eager?

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06:56

Do you feel anxious or some trepidation? Do you notice thoughts coming in about yourself that maybe you won't be good at this, or you might fall off the wagon, or something else?

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07:12

In contrast, are you thinking, "I'm great at taking action. I'm all about it. Let's go"?

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07:18

So take the time to notice what your relationship with taking action is, because the way you feel about it will influence the way you approach it. Okay?

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07:30

So when it comes to action strategies that work, oftentimes the reason that a plan of action does not work for us or for our clients are things like, number one, taking action takes energy.

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07:51

It takes effort. And many people walking around every day running their lives, feeling busy all the time, the last thing they need is one more thing to do, right?

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08:02

But the biggest problem with this is that when we take on creating new action, a new plan, a new strategy, and it feels difficult, when it feels like a lift, when we can tell that it's taking energy or effort, a part of us fears that it will always feel that hard and heavy.

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08:25

So we're gonna talk about that and how understanding that and a new framework is really gonna help with that. But that's one issue, right? Taking action, it takes effort.

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08:34

And we're all-- we all only have so much energy, so much mental and emotional capacity. The other thing that gets in the way, beliefs.

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08:43

Practice thoughts, our emotions, and the nervous system with regard to lack of safety. We've talked about this the last few weeks in this series.

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08:52

Something that I was just having a conversation yesterday with, um, a friend, colleague who I absolutely love, Sarah Walton, and we were talking about this and talking about how sometimes we absolutely need to give ourselves space to make sure that we feel safety in our nervous system when we're building, when we're growing.

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09:12

We can only build, we can only move, we can only grow at the speed of safety. We can only earn at the speed of safety. And so these are some of the things that get in the way.

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09:23

This is why we self-sabotage. This is why we fall off the wagon. This is why we do things over and over again, and we wonder, "Why do I keep doing this to myself? When am I gonna change?" Okay?

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09:35

So these are some reasons. Also, and I've already kind of talked about this, but I wanna highlight this: doubt, right? Doubt in ourself, doubt in what is possible.

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09:45

If we're trying to take new action or do something, but we don't have a lot of confidence that it's gonna work or that we're gonna stick with it, well, why not give up now, right?

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09:54

These are the things that get in the way. And also patterns. On the Mind Mastery session a few weeks ago, I talked about how we are all about patterns. Your brain works in patterns.

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10:04

Your emotions work in patterns. We have behavior patterns hardwired into the nervous system. So of course, if we're doing something new, we have to stop an old pattern and create a new one, right?

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10:18

So these are the things that get in the way. But let's talk about what works. So concept number one that I want you to think about.

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10:29

Take the time right now to think about one thing you would like to change, one thing you would like to do differently, okay?

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10:36

And maybe you can think about, you know, the efforts that you've made in the past that haven't quite worked out, and we don't need to bring any judgment to that.

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10:43

We can just notice, yes, this is something I want. Yes, this is why I want it. And yes, my efforts in the past, mm, haven't really gotten there. Maybe I wasn't as committed.

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10:55

Maybe I didn't have a good plan. Maybe I'm not really sure why, but I can find out why, okay?

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11:02

So I want you to think about that one thing you'd like to change, and I want you to bring in this framework of remembering that change takes energy and how remembering that and keeping in mind the long term is going to allow you to stick with it.

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11:24

So first of all, remember this: something being hard doesn't necessarily mean it's not working or it won't last.

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11:37

When you are implementing that new habit, and maybe it's going for a walk after work when you're already tired. Maybe it's getting up earlier in the morning.

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11:48

Whatever it is, likely it's going to feel a little bit hard.

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11:54

And not only will we sometimes believe that means, well, this isn't going to work or it's not going to last, but sometimes we can perceive that that same amount of effort is going to be required every single day.

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12:08

So think about this.

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12:09

If it feels like it's taking a lot of effort for me to get out of bed early and to change that habit, and then I'm anticipating, oh, this is gonna take this much energy every single day that I'm doing this, it can feel a little discouraging, right?

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12:25

So it's important to remember that just because something is requiring more effort initially, just because something feels hard initially, doesn't mean it's not working, doesn't mean it won't work, and it doesn't mean that it won't last.

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12:40

And the reason why this is important is it's going to help you to stay the course, remembering that over time it's going to get easier. We're gonna talk about that in just a minute, okay?

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12:51

Another thing that you can keep in mind as you're bringing in this framework of realizing that change takes energy, at least at first, is remember how important it is to keep perspective of that end result that you want.

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13:06

So what does this mean?

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13:07

Every time you are doing that thing that's taking a little effort or that doesn't feel fun or that doesn't feel exciting, that is a great time to remember, "This is what I'm working toward.

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13:19

This is why this is going to benefit me." Bring to mind the reward that awaits you when you do this thing that feels hard, and it is amazing how much easier it feels, and actually that doing that thing can feel energizing when you have that hope and excitement, enthusiasm, and vision for what you're working toward.

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13:41

And especially for those of you that are coaches.

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13:44

When I am working with my clients, this is one of the most important things I can do with you, is to help you to not only know what you personally want, not only to know what you're working toward, but to actually see it as a possibility, as a very real reality.

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14:01

Because why in the world would we wanna take energy, putting energy toward anything if it's not going to work, right? If it's not going to give us what we want.

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14:11

So we absolutely have to know where we're headed. We have to know that that's what we want, and we have to keep it top of mind. It makes all of the effort so much easier. So much easier.

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14:23

I wanna go through these things here that you see on the-- those of you that are watching by video, you can see this. If you're just listening, don't worry about it.

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14:29

I'm literally reading through everything I'm saying. But I want you to, to think through these things here at the bottom of this whiteboard. An old pattern takes little effort.

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14:41

That's why we keep doing the old patterns. Remember last week we talked about the nervous system, and we talked about how our nervous system hardwires patterns of behavior.

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14:51

That's why we do so much on autopilot, right? When I get up in the morning or when I'm doing my bedtime routine, I'm not thinking about any of it because I do it on autopilot all the time.

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15:00

So old patterns don't take a lot of effort. A new pattern takes high effort.

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15:08

It takes quite a bit of effort because we have to make a decision, we have to think about it, and we have to put in the mental and emotional energy to do something different to break the pattern.

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15:18

But here's the good news. That repeated pattern means decreasing effort. The more you do it, the easier it becomes, and eventually it's on autopilot, right?

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15:33

So if change feels hard, if it's taking effort or taking energy has gotten in the way, remember this. Keep this in mind. This is really a framing or perspective thing.

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15:46

Anytime I am trying to do something differently, it is always gonna take more energy and effort initially, and I'm gonna plan for that, and I'm gonna keep in mind that over time it is going to become easy and it will be a no-brainer.

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15:58

Now, before we move on from this, I want you to think right now about something that you-- a habit that you have, that you have created for yourself that is effortless, that is easy, that you don't think about, that serves you really well, that at one point was hard, at one point took energy and effort.

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16:21

Think about this, because what this is doing is giving you evidence that the same thing is possible with the change you're wanting to make right now. Okay.

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16:30

Next, we are talking about making sure that as you create a plan, you also anticipate obstacles that will get in the way, and you put strategies in place ahead of time.

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16:45

This is something that I do with my clients anytime we are setting them up for the upcoming quarter, whether it's personal life goals or business goals, or anytime we sit down for any type of plan that they're working on.

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16:59

Because if we set up a plan to take action, inevitably there are going to be obstacles that come up.

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17:08

Sometimes these obstacles are changes in schedule, things in life that are outside of our control. Sometimes these obstacles are our own feelings, right? Feeling a lack of motivation.

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17:20

Sometimes these obstacles are issues with lack of belief or doubt.

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17:26

And so whatever the obstacles are, you are going to have such a higher success rate and more likelihood of following through when you can take the time to see what obstacles exist that you at least know of, right?

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17:41

Some or others are going to come up, which we're gonna talk about as well, and have some strategies in place.

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17:46

So for those of you that can see my whiteboard here, right, we've got column one is where we're gonna list out all the obstacles, and then we have column two, strategy one, and then strategy two, and strategy three there in column four, okay?

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18:00

So essentially, this is the process that I do with my clients.

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18:04

When we set a goal or any given task that they're working on, we wanna list out all the obstacles that may come up, and I'm gonna-- going to give you a few examples because sometimes we can think that an obstacle has to be something physical or tangible, um, but it actually doesn't.

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18:20

An obstacle is anything that's gonna prevent you from moving towards your goal, right? Taking action.

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18:25

So obstacles can be like things like lack of motivation, feeling a sense of dread, wanting to procrastinate. These kind of things are obstacles, right?

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18:34

Also, things in life happening, unexpected, parenting responsibilities, right? So anything goes when it comes to obstacles.

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18:41

You wanna think about what are all the things that I can anticipate are probably going to get in the way of me following through, okay?

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18:49

Then for every obstacle, you wanna take the time to come up with three strategies for each one. Here's the thing.

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18:57

Not only does this help you along the way, but even thinking about it ahead of time sets you up to have success.

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19:03

You're really anticipating the messiness, the problems, and you're being proactive, thinking about how you'll handle them. So we're gonna go through three examples.

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19:13

We're gonna talk about health, wealth, relationships, okay? So let's talk about health. So let's imagine that you want to start exercising. You haven't done it in a long time, okay?

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19:26

But you're ready to do it. Okay.

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19:28

We're gonna put that exercise goal, and then when we think about some of the obstacles that might get in the way, one of them could be that you're afraid sometimes you won't feel like it, and then you think that you won't follow through.

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19:43

Okay? This is a good enough obstacle to talk about. So if we were to put here in the obstacle column, "I won't feel like it," what would our strategies be?

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19:54

Well, one would be to talk through, okay, when would be a good time for you to plan in your exercise at a time when maybe you typically feel a little more motivated or a little more energetic?

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20:09

Do we wanna be really strategic about when we're placing this in your schedule to make it a little easier, right? Easy. Strategy one.

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20:18

Another option, having some kind of statement around it for yourself, so when you don't feel like it, you just reach for a question or an affirmation reminding yourself something like, "Even though I don't feel like it, I'm taking this action anyway because I'm committed." And what that's going to do is it's going to create that pattern in your brain, okay?

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20:40

Another option could be something like when you notice not feeling like it, this is the perfect time for you to go write down or pick up a notebook you've written prior where you've written what you're working toward, remembering the outcome that you're wanting, right?

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20:57

I don't feel like it, but you know what? I'm gonna remind myself what it's going to feel like when I'm able to move better, when I've followed through for myself.

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21:06

So this is an example of three strategies, right, around one of the obstacles. And it is true this can be a little bit of a tedious process.

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21:15

That's why I like to do it with my clients kind of hand-holding and walk through it because it does take a little bit of time.

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21:22

We're getting into the nitty-gritty, but let me tell you, it will set you up for success. Okay, so we got health. Let's talk about wealth. All right.

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21:31

So let's imagine that my client is working on outreach. They're wanting to build power partnerships.

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21:38

They're wanting to get in front of more audiences, get on more podcasts, and maybe one of their obstacles is they fear that they really won't know where to start or won't know who to reach out to.

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21:49

Okay, well, let's put that down as an obstacle, and what are the strategies gonna be?

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21:53

Well, strategy one, we can plan a time for them to list-- make an exhaustive list of their starting point, right?

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22:01

They can take the time to plan ahead to write those names down, or they could use one of my worksheets, their power partnership worksheet, where they're sifting through, getting the wheels turning, right?

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22:11

So there's strategy one. Strategy two, they could ask themselves a really powerful question at that time, right? It could be anything like, "Who do I know that just isn't coming to mind right now?

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22:24

How can I think outside the box," right? It could be anything. So a question can be a great strategy.

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22:31

Another option, even taking the time to do some tapping, tapping and talking through whatever angst or blocks may be there because the truth is that if I'm thinking I don't know who to reach out to, there could be, and probably is, some doubt, some fear, some angst underneath.

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22:50

So if I can take the time to do some tapping or some other work to move some emotions through me or to regulate what might open up, okay? Let's talk about one more example. Relationship. Okay.

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23:04

Client's working with me and working through some challenges in their marriage, right? What happens when a relationship seems to be a little tense, maybe high conflict for a period of time?

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23:17

We've all experienced this. Well, what happens is our emotions might run high, right?

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23:22

So my client and I can be working through their own feelings and how they're gonna show up and what needs to shift, and that's all fine and dandy when it's just my client and I.

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23:34

But what happens when their emotions run high, and they fear that they may be reactive? Okay? So this is a perfect example of a good obstacle to recognize.

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23:45

So if this client is looking to change patterns in their relationship with their partner, change their communication patterns, change their reactions, an obstacle would be my emotions might be running high, right?

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24:02

Okay, that's the obstacle, right? Strategy number one, how about this? Okay, what I'm going to do is... And, and I'm talking me as the client, right?

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24:13

If I'm the client acknowledging my emotions might run high, what would a strategy be?

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24:19

Well, I am going to take the time to practice ahead of time how I will choose to engage when that thing is said or that thing is done that typically triggers me.

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24:34

Because remember, we talked about this last week, with those automatic reactions, automated patterns, that it's very easy for us to do the same behaviors we've done in the past when a trigger happens.

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24:46

But when you can practice a new behavior ahead of time in your mind, it will be accessible to you, right?

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24:55

So in that moment where there is big emotions, yes, part of that, that prefrontal cortex is gonna go offline, but guess what? If we've practiced something new, it can be accessible to us, right?

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25:07

So that could be strategy one. Another strategy, give yourself an exit strategy. Think about what is something that you can say or do or communicate to give yourself a moment to deal with that.

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25:19

It's another version of creating a new pattern, right? And strategy three could be a way of communicating that emotions are running high to your partner, to your spouse.

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25:31

So I hope this helps you, and I want you to think through with whatever you're trying to put in place, when will you take the time to acknowledge the obstacles and create strategies?

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25:42

It will go so far. And keep in mind also, as we've talked through these strategies, they fit into the categories we've been talking about, right?

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25:51

So sometimes the strategy is related to mindset or good, powerful questions to change beliefs, to shift thoughts. Sometimes the strategy is an emotion strategy.

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26:02

Sometimes I'll have my clients journal around their own feelings, have ways to process them. Sometimes a strategy is related to the nervous system.

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26:11

Tapping is a great way to help regulate the nervous system. Sometimes a strategy can be a new action.

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26:18

So it's so much fun to dive in and to really be honest with yourself about the obstacles and get really creative about the strategies to support you. Okay, last thing we're going to talk about here.

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26:33

Remember that when you create a plan of action, you wanna create new habits or you wanna move toward a goal, make sure that you see that plan as a pathway and not the destination.

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26:49

And not only that, but see it as sometimes a bit of a messy pathway.

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26:54

Whatever plan you put in place, it is never going to go, ever, ever going to go exactly as you thought it would, period, end of story. So we really have to anticipate life happening, the unexpected.

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27:09

We have to anticipate our own humanness, right? Our own limits. We have to anticipate that and build it in and make it okay.

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27:19

And we want to anticipate sometimes we need to redirect or change the plan, okay? So we don't wanna get so set on these action strategies in a rigid way, in an exact way, in a perfectionist way, okay?

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27:32

So also focusing on that ultimate goal as non-negotiable rather than the exact plan. I'll give you an example.

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27:41

For me, when I started my business, I know you hear me talk about this, but this is my origin story of this, and it's been so powerful for me to continue to ground myself in it, and I recommend you all do the same with whatever you're working toward.

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27:56

I wanted to be available to my kids to raise them. I wanted to have quality time with them. I wanted to be able to pay for the things that they needed in their life.

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28:07

I did not want them to carry financial worry. I wanted the time, freedom, and flexibility to be with my kids and to have a quality of life for me and for them. That was non-negotiable.

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28:20

Now, the pathway, the business plan, was how I moved toward that, right? And so I bring this up because two main things.

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28:33

Number one, sometimes the plan or pathway will change, and that's okay, as long as we're not always jumping to a new place when something isn't working, right? Sometimes that will change.

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28:44

But the other reason I bring this up is think about this. Think about this example that I gave you of me and my own life.

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28:52

So if the goal is to be present, is to be available, and to have quality of life, and I commit to that, and then I go after building my business with intensity and with determination, well, you can see that it would be pretty easy for me to get wrapped up in the building, in the plan, and actually end up forgetting and not actually enjoying what I'm building, right?

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29:22

And this is something over the years for me that I had to check in with myself because it can be really easy to get caught up in the building of the thing you're building and forget what you actually want.

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29:34

And so we wanna make sure that as we have that new plan, as we have that action strategy, it's the pathway to what we want. It's the pathway to what we want to create.

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29:44

And we wanna keep that in mind because the truth is that all along the way for me in building my business, in getting, you know, with...

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29:51

I've got these air quotes here, "going there," all of that was available to me, right? Following through on my plan and being present with my kids that very day. Right?

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30:03

Doing the things to build the business and making time for my own self-care then. So we've gotta make sure that we don't get caught up on the path, on the strategies.

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30:14

It's just a pathway to that ultimate goal. Okay? And finally, we wanna revisit and reassess, right? How is this plan working? What's working? What's not? How do I reconfigure this?

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30:28

This is one of the most important things you can do. And this, by the way, is a strategy as well, right? When we put up those obstacles and strategies, when am I gonna revisit?

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30:36

When am I going to reassess and see what about this plan needs to change to ensure that it's actually going to work? Okay.

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30:46

The last thing, and this is a big one, and this is exactly what we're talking about next week on the podcast, is your relationship with yourself rules the day, rules the action plan.

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31:03

When you can have a relationship with yourself, relate to yourself in a way where you have compassion, where you have understanding, and when you show up for yourself as a mentor to yourself who has your own back, let me tell you, it is so much easier to be honest with yourself about what you're doing and what you're not doing.

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31:31

I want you to think about this. How painful is it to acknowledge that you're not following through on something? If that conversation with yourself goes something like this: "What's wrong with me?

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31:45

Why am I so stupid? I'm never gonna figure this out. Something's wrong with me. It always has been, and it always will be." Oof. Not an enjoyable experience, and this is why so many people struggle to be honest with ourselves. Because with that honest look at behaviors comes judgment, comes shame, comes criticism.

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32:15

And so this is a reminder to you, and I guess a-- more of a request to you, to think today, how do you talk to yourself?

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32:27

How do you view, perceive, or judge the actions that you take or don't take?

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32:35

And what about that needs to shift in order for you to be a little more honest with yourself and gentle in the care of yourself within that honesty so that you can actually see what you need to change in order to have what you want, the relationship, the finances, the health, the quality of life?

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33:04

All right. That's what I've got for you.

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33:06

Listen, come back next week because we are talking about relationship with self, what it really means, and how it makes everything you want not only possible, but shows you what it is that you really want.

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33:25

All right. I'll talk to you next week.